THE MUSIC IN MY HEAD (Dec 13)

[Raikotsu Sudeki]

Me, me, me, Pick me!

[Arianna Barrial]

Van, if you would be so kind..? :3

Whoops, my bad, guys!

But I will use "In the Orchard" for a solo post at some point!

[Mitsuki Park]

"Three In The Morning (RJ's I Can Barely Sleep In This Casino Remix)" - Homestuck Vol. 4

"...wow."

Mitsuki exhaled the word into thin air, a white puff of smoke escaping her lips as she stared at all the lights before her. The circulating electricity, the erected buildings- everything as it once used to be. It was amazing to see what people were capable of; their ability to restore and rebuild from what was once rubble was startling, to say the least. Humans were so durable in numbers, but interestingly frail as individuals.

New York. She didn't have any business here, but her brother thought that after the fall of Barker, it would be nice to take a sibling retreat away from responsibilities; for leisure; a vacation. Unfortunately, the elder didn't exactly think things through. The both were naturally hermits that preferred to stay in their own shell; they ended up buying electronics from a second-hand store and tinkered with it for hours without end in the comfort of their own hotel. That was the first day.

The second day, they went out to eat. Nothing really 'productive' was done, which drove him crazy because he was a busybody. Mitsuki, on the other hand, enjoyed the slow moments in life; everything was catching on fire- moving too fast, it was making her dizzy just thinking about the day's events at the end of the night. Later, she left the hotel. Being cooped up in a small area just wasn't her thing, especially in an unknown environment. Her desire to wander around tugged strongly at her heartstrings and she took off, breaking free from the bondage of being confined to four walls.

Her feet fell into an easy leisurely pace, hands shoved deep into the pockets of her coat as she began her mini adventure. It felt weird having money in one pocket and a phone in the other- used to be empty, or filled with small, projectile "weapons". The world was a little safer, but not completely immune to danger- I mean, could it ever? But she could protect herself, and the night was oddly quiet for being in the city. Not abnormal; serene.

Soon, the Asian found herself reflecting on the past year's events and how quickly everything just seemed to play out. Arriving to California, reacquainting herself with old friends, the recurring night terrors, Barker's death... Everything just seemed so surreal.

"Care for some company?"

At the sound of Ein's voice, she grinned but continued walking, listening to the soft patter of his footsteps catch up to her. She looked briefly to the side before giving a slight shrug, thankful for the company. The east was always so cold around this time of year, similar to the midwest. A couple of minutes passed by in complete silence before she decided...

"What's on your mind?"

Her eyes flickered over to his face fast enough to catch a look of mild surprise.

"...remember when Sierre came home from pre-school with scraped knees and dirt all over her? You flipped a shit and thought she got into a scuffle."

"...I'm a concerned mothe-"

"Hahaha a pre-schooler...in a scuffle? It never once crossed your mind that she might have fallen down at recess or something."

She grinned.

"And then there was that one time when she came home holding hands with a boy and you didn't react during their entire playdate."

A slight chuckle, but nothing more. Now that was a breath of fresh air- the way he so casually brought up Sierre, which no one ever did; it rarely happened. Contrary to popular belief, she kind of wanted to talk about all the little things that made life so vibrant whenever her daughter was up and about. But she never did; she wasn't much of a talker, and she would always reminisce on her own anyway.

---

"Three Seed" - Silversun Pickups

A funeral with gray skies and a heavy downpour.

"How're you feeling?"

Her brother's question was met by a slight shrug with no reply. This was probably the first funeral in about half a decade and rather than feeling remorseful for the person this was intended for, all she could think about were the faces of the lives she came across who never had this chance to be buried- to be put to rest.

"Hey 'Tsuki. You feeling okay?"

Her eyes flickered over to Caleb who protectively wrapped an arm around her shoulder, the large umbrella looming over both their heads. Reita hurried on forward while the other elder guided her at her own leisurely pace, not expecting an answer from her since it was a habit of his to ask. Though to be honest, if another person asked her if she was okay instead of the family and friends this was directly impacting, then she might feel the need to leave.

And besides, as jaded as it may have seemed, Mitsuki was kind of happy knowing this death was caused by old age rather than a bullet or a blade. But that realization was sad in itself. The human race was so interesting when it came to survival; as much as she didn't want to admit it, Darwin's theory of natural selection rang true. The weakest were weeded out and the strongest- whether mentally, emotionally, or physically- flourished.

But Mitsuki already was desensitized to the topic of death. At the hospital, making rounds and telling patients that they were terminally ill and explaining to erratic family members wasn't easy. Death was never a kind mistress.

"They won't come back. And you might not think it now, but you'll eventually forget."

They stepped up to the family and both she and Caleb bowed respectively. She said nothing while Caleb apologized here and there; then again, he was much closer to the family than she was. And afterward, they were guided off to the side to wait for the others to pass by before lowering the casket.

"I never forget."

Or rather, she never wanted to. Memories were something Mitsuki cherished close to her heart, both the good and the bad. She wasn't sure why, but forgetting- or not remembering- was albeit frustrating.

She briefly looked over at him and caught him making a concerned face.

"...don't worry. I like moving forward."

She wasn't going to stay stuck in the past forever- that wasn't her thing. And she couldn't have people unnecessarily worrying over her during her short stay, or else they would never have her back. Sometimes she wondered whether they saw her as the small child they were first introduced to or if they actually came to terms with the fact that she has grown - as people usually do - in the past twenty-some years.

"Hey... No one's holding you back. Well- maybe me."

Grins exchanged as he pulled her into a side hug. She would be leaving back for California soon- and as much as she wanted to stay...she wanted to leave even more. Weather wise, California suited her tastes better; Chicago was too wild with temperatures dropping to single digits one day and rising to tee-shirt weather the next.

"Holding me back? Aren't you coming with?"

"Of course we are."

They both turned around. Ein. Of course- although they were her brother's best friends, they felt like her guardians. Heh.

---

"The Times They Are A Changin'" - Bob Dylan

Transitions were always something Mitsuki saw as opportunities of growth. Adapting, changing, reconstructing, or even trading for something better, something of more worth and value. And if anyone had asked her if there was anything in the past that she regretted, despite all the upsetting memories and the shattering moments, she would say no on the account that the events of former times chiseled and reformed her into what she perceived as a stronger individual. The events that put a stake through her heart were the ones that completely dissembled the foundation on which she stood and was reassembled into something more firm and dependable.

This is why she was living without regret.

Until…

Mitsuki would say - in a heartbeat and without hesitation - that he was worth the struggle if it didn’t effect them. But their world expanded and went beyond just the two of them. Small children that kind of resembled the two because of genetics but had an entirely different mind of their own, involved in the affairs of adults. To be the provider and protector of such pure and innocent children against- against what? People she didn’t even know, situations she couldn’t control.

No.

No, no, no.

She didn’t regret it- not him, not the kids- but the fact that she had to even think on it, to dwell on such important decisions of the past because of present consequences and future doubts made her uneasy. Unnecessarily, perhaps.

We’ll be okay.

Her eyes were sharp. She was upset and she wasn’t hiding it; angry and sad because of him except she couldn’t place the blame on him. Was it selfish of her, greedy of her, to want to be more than just okay? … But he was right. And she caved; the reassuring shoulder squeeze and soft kiss to the temple simmered the emotions until she was left with what almost all mothers had: worry.

”I’m going to start teaching Jyo tomorrow.”

It was always tradition in her family to start training young; to start building good character and good habits whilst teaching them creativity in the arts. At least then they’d have a fighting chance if the bad karma from their parents’ escapades in the past somehow transferred over to them.

Other parents might find it unnecessary because the times were changing for the better, with more holistic views. Corporate punishment wouldn't be involved unless it was within the military schools...but Mitsuki would rather her ducklings to be overprepared than underprepared.

Okay. But for now, sleep.

She protested, quick to speak- more bickering between the two, all the way up to bed where she was engulfed in a sea of blankets and entwined in a pair of arms, possessively holding her. Back and forth chatter that always ended with one word exchanges: a statement on his end and confirmation on hers.

But...it was in the bantering when Mitsuki realized how far she's come- from the girl who preferred to be alone and in the quiet to the girl who enjoyed the bickering that somehow filled the silence in an enjoyable - though sometimes admittedly a little frustrating - manner.

She laughed now, freely- without constraint. Smiled more often, teeth baring.

Heh.

Change.

[Kazuya Hikari]

+4 EXP

Shugo Yuy
Kyrie Barrial
Mathew Amtrum
Mitsuki Park

If another staff member could post my reward, that'd be swell.

[Kyrie Blaze]

Lmao. My bad. Just exp.

+4 exp to Kaz

[Kazuya Hikari]

December's Monthly is now officially closed.