The Empty Apartment

[Jenna Scorn]

"..Jenna, i-is i-it?"

He's stuttering.

Her heart skipped a beat, blue eyes focusing on Johnathan as he took a step to wards her.

"Heh, yeah..."

Her voice was soft as she answered him.

"We all have our secrets."

He gently touched her cheek, and she lightly leaned into him. Letting her eyes close a bit as she leaned into his touch still.

"..I-I'm s-sorry..."

She looked up, looking into his eyes as they became visible to her. She couldn't help but smile up at him, she thought that it might make him feel some what better.

"...I-I'm s-sorry a-about th-this... sh-shouldn't h-have sh-shown y-you... th-that b-bastard..."

Looking at him, eyes searching his. She was concerned, letting her left hand reach up and softly touch his hand, the same hand that was pressed against her cheek.

"...I-I'm... s-so s-sorry..."

"No, please don't be sorry..."

She shook her head.

"I practically asked for it..."

[Winters]

Right.. Uh... Dinner.

"Heh, yeah..."

..Jenna, huh?

A nice name.. very cute.

...And so was the voice that was talking back.

"We all have our secrets."

Yes. That's a given. But to the extremity of the one that he himself had... well. For one, he was already very surprised at how well Calamit- Jenna was taking this. Which made him wonder, made him wonder what sort of secret she might have. She was relieved, meaning she probably didn't have a situation like his own, but... again, she said it best. 'We all have our secrets'.

...Her cheek was warm.

And she was smiling.

But why was she touching the hand that hit her?

"No, please don't be sorry..."

Have to be. Have to be. Have to be. It's how it's always been. Condemning myself. Even if I don't show it. Must.

"I practically asked for it..."

You didn't ask for it, you didn't ask for it.. didn't ask for it.. didn't ask for... it...

His whole body shuddered..

Stepped forward.

His right arm going down to her shoulder, gripping it softly, his left arm going gently going behind he, as he.. rested his head on her shoulder.. shuddering. Not crying. Staring and shuddering. He'd hit her. Hit his first.. really close friend. Dammit.

"...Y-You d-didn't a-ask f-for i-it..."

Wouldn't cry. She was concerned for him, enough as it was. Dammit.

...Why did he have to be so god-damned weak..?

'...I'll get stronger for you...'

"...Jenna..."

Couldn't kiss her. Not right now. Needed to redeem himself. Always needed to redeem himself. Dinner.

...Glasses were left in the kitchen.

Um. Shit.

So, I wasn't crying. Everything's just blurry.

"..U-Uh... c-can y-you h-help m-me g-get b-back t-to th-the k-kitchen? I-I c-can't s-see sh-shit."

Well...

...That's not embarrassing.

[Jenna Scorn]

He was near her, close to her.

Paradise.

Her eyes closed, his head resting against her shoulder. It felt so right, so..so right. Now, letting her head gently drift to press against his. Only for a moment, that si till he spoke. Almost wakening her form her soft dream.

A dream of bliss.

A deep breath drawn in form her lips, soft pink lips. Now moisturized by her tongue as she let it slip out.


"...Y-You d-didn't a-ask f-for i-it..."

Yet, another deep breath from her lips.

"...Jenna..."

Almost as he had spoken, she had replied.

In a soft whisper to him.

And only to him.

"...yes?"

"..U-Uh... c-can y-you h-help m-me g-get b-back t-to th-the k-kitchen? I-I c-can't s-see sh-shit."

A small, gentle laugh left her lips.

Pulling herself away from him, lifting her head to look up at Johnathan.

A courteous nod.

Anything.

“Sure thing.”

A small step back, leaving the warmth of his body.

Letting her right hand reach up, to rest against his face.

Her fingertips gently brushed his cheek, and she rememberd the last time she'd felt the flesh of a man's finger against her fingers...

But only for a quick moment.

...Daisuke...

Pulling back suddenly as if she’d pricked her finger on some sort of sharp object.

She swallowed.


Looking to the ground, as a small child would once scolded.

She breathed, another breath.
Trying to straighten out her mind.

Looking up to Jonathan yet again.

She couldn’t dwell on the past, she couldn’t.


A forced smile, letting her hand present itself to him.

Take it.

[Winters]

A Little Language Advantage..

Calamit---Jenna was laughing. Not rudely, but, obviously, he had just said something rather ridiculous sounding. Backing up abruptly from him, she gave him a polite nod. In spite of the fact of how large of an idiot that he felt like right now... that smile on her face.. in her eyes.. that was why Jonathan enjoyed hanging around her. Not the complete reason, but...

...Well, there's always something.

“Sure thing.”

Even as the warmth cooled off, because of her absence.. he wouldn't hold it to be his drug. She was warm. But his face was done warming himself up, for the moment, at least.

Right. Composure.

"T-Thank y-you---"

---..She was always one to catch him off guard.

Froze for a moment, his mouth opening slightly, as 'composure' he had just quickly rebuilt crumbled for only a moment. Did a double-take---

Something subtle flashed in her eyes, and she backed away. There was.. something that triggered a moment of discomfort in her, perhaps? What would that mean? Did this symbolize anything?

Either way, Jonathan's stone statue face was back. Jenna was... blurry, but... she was looking down at the ground.

Things were going on that only they themselves knew about themselves. Wouldn't press it. But, the blurry image of a.. hand. Yes. A hand, went out to greet him. Eyes looked at her, carefully, squinting slightly, seeing a smile. Couldn't really detect the fact that it was forced..

So he took her hand.

Why does it feel like there's something we're both not saying?

Gave it a squeeze, and to her, a nod.

...

"...Führen Sie auf, Liebe."

[Jenna Scorn]

"T-Thank y-you---"

When he took her hand, she'd look away.

But only for a short moment.

Calamity couldn't keep her cool, a soft smile sneaking onto her lips.

A soft blush.

"...Führen Sie auf, Liebe."

"Huh?"

Now, slowly leading him into the kitchen.

Slow.

So he wouldn't trip, or fall, or anything to harm him.

"What does that mean?"

Looking back over her shoulder at him as they entered the doorway.

She'd pause there, leaning against the doorway like she had before as she looked at him.

As she waited for his answer, blue eyes would glance into the kitchen.

Scanning the kitchen, finding his glasses resting upon the counter.

[Winters]

Nonsense Secrets

"Huh?"

Wondering if he should... as they walked into the kitchen.

Kindness.

She was taking it slow for him, in spite of the short distance. And he'd always been one who was more moved by actions.. Could sense it.

..Yeah...

"What does that mean?"

A large smile danced in his eyes, a smaller, barely noticeable one on his lips..

"..M-My s-secret, f-for n-now."

Gave her hand a slight squeeze.. as he looked around. Aye.. the kitchen. Put his glasses next to the cutting board as well. He could see it, but.. the knife was there...

..

Thrush.

The knife was back at the closet. Dammit.

...

Wait.

"..D-Did.. Th-Thrush... n-no, n-nevermind.."

Would rather not bring that up, right now. Otherwise, he'd start blushing. Would kill the bastard, if he said anything personal about Jonathan's.. 'personal' life.

---You know. I've never noticed your hair like this before. Couldn't anyways, with the damned glasses you have to clean on a daily basis. They accumulate too much dirt too quickly. Looking back at me, wondering what on earth I'm saying to you. But... too shy to say it out loud just yet.

..But they're just words, right? After all... all I said was..

'Lead on, love.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

His face had suddenly grown bright, bright red. Couldn't even believe he had admitted that to himself in his thoughts. Jonathan's head, in turn, looked around carefully, using his long hair to cover his own self-induced embaressment.

"..U-Uh... a-are m-my g-g-g-g-glasses n-next t-to th-the c-cutting b-board..?"

[Jenna Scorn]

"..M-My s-secret, f-for n-now."

Calamity would smile, giving a reassuring grin in his direction.

"You have allot of those..."

Her voice trailing off, looking up at him for a long moment.

He seemed to be looking into the kitchen, and she would do the same.

"..D-Did.. Th-Thrush... n-no, n-nevermind.."

She shook her head, glancing at the floor.

It was best not to ask any questions about Thrush, not right now at least.

It would be a sore subject for a while.

"..U-Uh... a-are m-my g-g-g-g-glasses n-next t-to th-the c-cutting b-board..?"

Letting her eyes trace back into the kitchen, finding the glasses.

She gave a small nod.

"Yes..."

Letting her fingers fall from his hand.

"Stay right here...I'll get them."

And she took a few steps back, keeping her eyes on him before she'd turn.

Her back to him as she went across the kitchen.

[Winters]

Secrets: Revisited

"You have allot of those..."

Yeah. I do.

That's unfortunately very true.

"Yes..."

Those fingers. Those tips of her hands that clung onto against his. They fell away...

"Stay right here...I'll get them."

Face was still.. reddish, but, it was hidden by his hair, thankfully. Wasn't his fault that she would keep on looking at him in a way that he felt he should be ashamed for looking back at her because she was just so..

..

Just so...

Uh...

When she looked away, he felt sudden release from the pressure.

...Was it pressure? His body felt rather strange, rather warm.. and.. well. They had kissed on several occasions. Once by her, a few times awkwardly started by himself... Yet, this strange feeling felt like it wasn't.. uh...

...Dammit. My mind's blanking out.

She was off, walking to get his glasses.

Quick, do something, you fool!

..Like what?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"..H'okay. Now I KNOW you're crazier zen me."

"..S-Shut u-up."

"LOOK, I'M PART OF YOURSELF. YET YOU'RE STILL TALKING TO YOURSELF. YOU CRAZY.."

"..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"...U-Uh.. u-um.."

Your blanking out. Close your mouth, before you make more of an idiot out of yourself then you already have.

"Sie... Sie wissen wie reizend Sie sind, Recht?" he mumbled out, quietly.. his cheeks slightly covered by hair as he.. tried to maintain his statue-esque face.

[Jenna Scorn]

She stood before the counter, her feet halting upon the tiled floor.

Blue eyes falling upon those glasses.

Her right hand lifted, softly taking the glasses into the palm of her hand.

"...U-Uh.. u-um.."

Calamity would look over her shoulder, the rest of her body soon following as she turned to face him.

"Hmmm?"

Head tilting to the side, blinking her eyes.

"Sie... Sie wissen wie reizend Sie sind, Recht?"

She'd never wanted to speak German before.

But right then and there, she desperately wished she did.

Looking at him, his hair in his face.

He looked so, sad?

almost pathetic?

No...

The space between the two of them would close, do to her.

And only her.

She had made her way back to him, almost hurriedly.

Her right hand gripping those glasses lightly within her hand.

"What?"

A soft whisper, looking up at him.

Blue eyes searched his face.

His face obscured by his hair.

He always looks so sad.



She licked her lips, letting her left hand rise to gently push away a few strands of hair from his face.

"What are you thinking about?"

[Winters]

Ich Denke... Ich Denke, Dass Ich Sie Liebe.

"Hmmm?"

..The irresistible tilt of the head.

A.. rather awkward pause followed.

Suddenly, the gap closed. Wasn't him moving.. it was.. Jenna.

"What?" came the.. oh Lord.

..Felt like he was melting right now. She was, uh.. she was.. erm... She was... pushing away the hair from his face. ..Shit.

"What are you thinking about?"

She would now probably see how red his face was, after a few moments.

His.. right hand went up to hers, the one brushing the hair out of his face, and clasped it gently as he.. moved a little closer. His other hand slipping to her 'free' one, with his glasses in it.

"..W-Who... a-am I-I t-thinking a-about, y-you m-mean."

Head bowed down slightly, taking his glasses in one hand and pocketing it, while his other hand kept Jenna's in his grasp.. very, very gently.

Bowing down to it, as he distanced himself a bit from it, his head hovering over, hair falling around his face.

"...A-And I-I th-think o-only th-the a-amazingly c-cute g-girl i-in f-front o-of m-me k-knows w-who I-I'm t-talking about.."

..Nothing aggressive this time.

A kiss.

To the back of her hand.

And as his face would rise up again, as he stood back up, in a rather gentlemanly fashion, you could.. see that it was still rather stiff. But.. there was a softness there.

Something there that he reserved for someone.

Did she know?

[Jenna Scorn]

Johnathan's face was almost a deep crimson, almost.

Most certainly close.

Eyes blinking, she'd smile.

He was blushing.

A triumphant smile now, watching Johnathan closely.

Had she done this?

She definitely had the upper hand.

"..W-Who... a-am I-I t-thinking a-about, y-you m-mean."

He came close, she'd swallow.

Nervously biting her lower lip as her eyes lingered upon his.

"...A-And I-I th-think o-only th-the a-amazingly c-cute g-girl i-in f-front o-of m-me k-knows w-who I-I'm t-talking about.."

Another swallow, her mouth opening to speak.

But no voice, only air.

Soon closing her mouth.

What a gentlemen...

Now, our dearest girl was blushing.

Almost prince like...

Cheeks turning a deep cherry upon her cheeks as she glanced off to the side.

Could this be?

Her own little fairytale?

A shy smile.

now, that upper hand I mentioned earlier?

Johnathan now held it in the palm of his hands.

Even if he didn't know it.

He held her world.

[Winters]

A Moment

There comes a time.

There comes a time when things stop. You look around, and nothing is the same, as it once was. How many years ago was it? Seeing things in such a much more simpler manner? Changes come gradually, but when it becomes significant enough to notice, you realize that many things have changed. You have. Yet your the same. Ever a season. We must have a time to grow in our spring, to rise to our peaks in the summer of our lives. Then to slowly take time as the world around us dies, and we find ourselves dying. So that we can truly appreciate Winter, and understand the full cycle of life and why we are so. Complications and little differences of mentality have always meant nothing. It's the actions that you have taken today, the actions that were affected by yesterday's actions, that we will have an inkling of what tomorrow will bring in turn for us. But to say this is life?

No.

Life's far too complicated to define as simply as that.

The point was the tales in between the beginning and the end. That, which centers what fills our lives, that justifies ourselves as people. Not the beginning, no matter how gracious or pathetic it may be. Nor the end in all it's depressing happiness, or ending madness. An important factor of course, in how we ourselves go, just so as to complete ourselves, as a people. Ourselves, with all our faults and deficiencies.. are incomplete. Yes, incomplete, so much to the point that we need not only a spiritual entity to fill our lives.. but a strongly influencing... 'physical' entity as well. Our primal urges, our 'natural instinct'; There's something in us that differentiates us from animals. Maybe this is the 'God' factor. Because, surely, with all our screw-ups, there's no way that could be seen that everything done here would all finish with a 'happy ending' for humanity.

...Just fairy tales on a far smaller proportion.

A fairy tale like the little pink-haired girl, standing in this little apartment kitchen. Blushing, looking off to the side. And a young man with long white hair.. also blushing. But, unlike her, unable to take his eyes off of her. Couldn't. This boy... he needed to make sure that this was real. That in this moment, that it was not Jenna, but himself that was alive, real, breathing. Great lengths of extended experienced misfortune can affect people this way. So too was she herself quiet. But what neither of them realized was the significance of what they were doing. Something that is only beginning to be grasped, but as usual, only by a precious few. How ice needs sunlight to melt, how the dark has to rest, while light takes over for a few hours. Nothing wide-scaled. But enough for you to know that something.. scarce was going on here. Something very precious and rare.

A fairy tale.

...Is this what you call the beginning of... love?

Or, too early to find out?...

I'll take my time... to find this out. A fire needs to be tended to, regularly, after all. Get too close, and this will burn me. Keep my distance, and the snow will reclaim me. Not that the snow is inherently evil. But because it's too enraptured by the dark. I'm starved, starved of light, starved of touch, starved of caring, feeling, want. This is a fire, and I need to it regularly. Need to feed it enough so that the winds cannot overpower it. Not enough so that it burns itself, and all my fuel out. Just right, so that I know... so that I know that she will come. And so that she'll tend the fire with me. Next to me. Only beginning to grasp this just now, but still so much that I need to know, need to learn. For now though... for now, I'm content just being with her in this moment. With the fire feeling so strong in my heart, it feels like it'll consume my face. Its why I have to keep my face so stingy, it feels like it could harden up into something unpleasant. Need to make sure.

Need to know... that this is real.

Jenna.

Heart thumped so forcefully as if to beat out of his rib cage. What he wanted to say. What'd he'd need to break every bone out of his body to actually say it. The fire didn't waver. Another step.. controlling his breathing, so that it was so quiet, he was afraid he'd pass out, because of his overactive heart. But she was so close now. His right hand never let go of her hand. And he wanted to be sure that what he was looking at.. wasn't behind the screen of thick glasses. He wanted this that he would know he'd seen with his own sight. Left hand went over his face, brushing his hair behind his ears, though some strands came falling back in front. Didn't matter much though. Needed to take his time in doing this, even if this was only a few minutes. Felt like it was taking an eternity, with all his shyness and all his reluctance at they're umpteenth. And all because of her.

Quietly, he moved back the hair of the side of her face behind her ear, taking time to pet the top of the lobe as he did so with his second finger. Had to say something. But, he didn't want to stutter it. It's been said that if French is the language of love, then German is the language of anger. So be it. Then at best, he'd speak with the passion of his people's tongue. But he needed to look at her face to declare it. Sliding carefully to her chin, he gave a slight push, enough so that she could resist. If she didn't, he'd move her face to look back at him, with those pretty blue eyes she had. And if she did look at him, he'd let that hand of his go past her hair, to go through it slowly. Take his time. His face pushed a little, 'til it was.. very close to her.. Eyes unable to look back, his cheeks red. No turning back now. Jump into this with both feet.

"...Jenna...." he whispered slowly... softening his voice down.

Hopefully so she could understand.. these three precious words. The tip of his finger returning, so that.. he could lightly feel her soft lips as he moved the tip of it across the slit of her closed mouth..

"..Ich... liebe sie."

[Jenna Scorn]

Large blue eyes kept their watch upon Jonathan, why would she look away now? Carefully watching him as he’d brush strands of pale hair away from his face. She’d smile some, watching a few strands fall back in place. She thought of saying something, couldn’t stand the silence.

Couldn’t stand it.

As she thought of something to say, she felt him. His hand, tenderly whisking away strands of her pink hair. The soft touch of his fingers upon her earlobe tickled slightly. She could feel his gentle hand, being so tender, almost affectionate?

He was touching her, ear, chin, hair. His fingers running through her hair, soothingly. She almost wanted to shy away, almost. Nerves screamed, screeching for her to back away. But her body, no… her heart. Her heart begged her to stay just within his grasp. Within his arms reach.

There had always been a shallow, aching feeling within her. No matter how many times she smiled, laughed, or tried to forget, it was always there. Taunting her, and a sad reminder of what once was.

Now, Jonathan’s face was nearing her own. And soon, those lips of his moved. He had spoken to her.

"...Jenna...."

She watched him closely; felt she should give some sort of acknowledgement. Let him know she was listening. So she’d raise her head, to look directly at him, directly into his eyes.

"..Ich... liebe sie."


Ich…..liebe…sie?

Repeating the words within her mind. A soft blink of her eyes, repeating the words again to herself, in her mind.

His finger gently running along her lips.

Ich liebe sie?

The soft touch of his fingers, made it hard to think properly. But now it all was coming together.

Ich liebe Sie?

Kimmie o I shit-eru?

I love you?


Now, she stopped breathing, almost. It felt like it, her breath caught. Her heart skipping a beat, almost fluttering.

She swallowed.

Looking at him still.

His finger still upon her lips.

She’d smile.

"Kimmie o I shit-eru."

[Winters]

Defining

He felt good, he felt uneasy... ehehehehehe... what in God's name had he just admitted? Seemed like everything stopped. His heart stopped for a moment, his face was flushed. Didn't matter if he'd spoken in English or not. The tone was enough, and.. staring into her eyes, partially horrified, somewhat shocked at himself, and another just incredibly embarrassed, his face was redder then a tomato.

Watching her eyes, as it slowly dawned on her, the gears behind those eyes, those blue eyes.. twisting and turning..

...The smile came.

She'd figured it out.

Was about to turn his face down in absolute defeat and in complete embarrassment---

"Kimmie o I shit-eru."

"..K-...Kimmie o I-I s-shit-eru..?" he said very quietly, barely above a whisper, to himself.

"..K..Kimmie o I shit--eru..."

...

A very.. very quiet smile crept onto his face, as his fingers went down to her chin, and felt around it, moving her head towards himself, gently, provided she wouldn't resist. But right now.. she looked so sweet. So innocent. She was blushing so much, it only made his face hotter, but his eyes refused to look away.

...

The smile dropped, and it became serious.

He had... plans. Plans that he was not completely proud of, but plans that he had to do, if he was ever going to rest. She deserved a chance to back out of this relationship. Push him away. But, he'd give her the courtesy of starting the first step.

..Eyes closed slightly.

Ears were tinged.

...His face moving to her.. but would stop at an extent. It was up to her if she wanted to join him. He'd explain more, later. Up to her if she wanted to be with him. He'd never stop holding onto her, unless she was the one who gave it up. Idealistic, probably. But the ideal was there.

..It was up to her...

To finish this kiss.

His right hand gave her hand a squeeze, as the left guided her to him.

..How will you define this moment, Jenna?

[Jenna Scorn]

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say
But there's something about her
And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl.

His smile, that soft smile upon his face was enough to intoxicate her. So mind numbing, she almost couldn't think. His fingertips delicately touching her chin, lingering there for a moment and now pulling her forward.

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
It's possible she wants you too
There's one way to ask her
It don't take a word, not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl.

Johnathan?

Kiss the girl.

Suddenly his smile was gone, no longer waiting upon his lips. Blue eyes searched his, blinking for a few moments. Had she upset him? A few pink strands of hair fell into her eyes.

My oh my
Looks like the boy's too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Ain't that sad
it's such a shame
Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl
go on and kiss the girl

His face was moving to wards her own, and she could have sworn her heart skipped a beat, maybe a few beats. Or maybe her heart stopped beating all together during this moment, she wasn't exactly sure.

Nows your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy, you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don't say a word
And she wont say a word
Until you kiss the girl

His eyes closed, lids obscuring his eyes to her. He had stopped his advance on her. Her tongue would softly line her own lower lip as it stared at him for a moment. But only a very short moment, but it felt like eternity.

Don't be scared
You better be prepared

She hovered there, before his own lips. Barely an inch away, now finally ending it. Pressing her own lips against his. Her free hand softly smoothing up, to gently press against his cheek. Her thumb giving a slight rub to against his cheek.