Revealing The Darkness ( Mischa )

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa was smiling, but it faded when she had seen how angry Kev looked "I tell you everything of myself......I have shared with you....the most shameful part of me....." Kevala showed her the scar as if to remind Mischa of what she had been told. Mischa remembered that day... it was a big step in their relationship... They opened up then they slept together for the first time. Mischa looked away from the scar and to the floor ashamed at what Kev was telling her... there was more to it..Kev just had to let her explain."If I was hurt....You would be the first person I would want to know...to comfort me....to....help me..." Mischa was about to open her mouth to speak before Kevala carried on."I do not think I have to be strong around you...that it is okay to show weakness.......Why.....Why can you not.....do....that for me?"

And she was now gone, going up the stairs. Mischa's brow furrowed at this. It kind of made her mad that Kevala acted this way. Yeah she had some reasoning... but she could have listened before jumping to the conclusion Mischa was some kind of deceiving girlfriend...that was the last thing Mischa wanted to be... Mischa walked up the stairs and looked in a couple rooms until she found the one where Kevala was in.

Mischa stood at the threshold to watch as Kev cried on her bed. Mischa finally brought up enough courage to walk over and slowly sit down near kev. She didn't sit near her head, because she wanted to give her space, but she did rest a caring hand on the girl's calf.

"Kev? You..You don't think I don't trust you? You think I want to be strong?" Mischa said in a calm and leveled whisper. "That isn't the case... So before you go and accuse me of wanting to hurt you through lies then can you listen to my reasoning first?" she would wait a few seconds before carrying on. "Look at just how you reacted. Do you think I liked it? I hope you don't think I enjoyed to see you worried or angry to the point of trembling, because I don't. If I told you every wound I got everyday... I'm sure I would set your heart into arrhythmia until it just overworks itself. Kev...I get hurt everyday whether I stub my toe on a crack in a sidewalk or get shot at. I don't want to tell you what kind of wounds I get at work 'cause sometimes they get worse then this one..and its just how it is... It is a dangerous job and I told you about it when we were at the park and you accepted it. I'm not acting tough 'cause I'm a pussy and I'm not afraid of it... but I am afraid of keeping you in constant worry and fear."

Her thumb massaged her calf around in circles as Mischa looked at Kev's direction. "I love you and I'm not deliberately lying to you...I'm just keeping you from bending over backwards for every splinter I get..."

[Kevala Badoer]

S[/size]he knew the instant that Mischa entered the room, feeling her take a seat upon the bed and place a soft hand upon her calf......Normally, Kevala would pull away....would let her stubborn pride get in the way...But even Kev, for as tough as she acted, had her moments...where she showed the softer, more breakable side of herself......

It was sometimes hard for people to understand, that after a lifetime of abuse and neglect....rape and attempted murders...part of Kev was still much like a child....having gotten locked that way in her brain because of the trauma she had endured......

So as the girl touched her.....she simply whimpered, and hid her face against the pillow....llistening as Mischa spoke....She knew, in the adult part of her brain that it made sense...She did worry way too much for her own good...esp when it came to Mischa....But the child in her....just did not want to except that....

"I am....sorry I over react...I..I will do better...I promise.....Just please....d...dont leave me...."

Yes, in her mind right now....as those still black eyes cast a scared and worried glance toward Mischa...she just wanted to be better.....to make it okay again.....Mischa knew that Kev had been raised to believe she was a monster....so the fact that right now she was trying to fix herself to make it better should have been no surprise......

"I...I wont l..let my emotions get too involved...I promise...."

And in a flash she had turned around and had her head on Mischa's lap, her face buried against the girls stomach.........hiding.....unable to snap out of the mindset she had fallen into.....Now all she sought was comfort and affection....It was what she craved,,,,,,the one hting she had always been denied.....

[Mischa Badoer]

"I am....sorry I over react...I..I will do better...I promise.....Just please....d...dont leave me...." Mischa sighed and pinched both her temples between her thumb and index finger. Kevala wasn't getting the picture. "I...I wont l..let my emotions get too involved,,,I promise...." she felt Kev's head push into her lap and she looked down to see the girl cry. Mischa bit her lip before setting a hand down on her head and she began to pet her.

"Kev..I like that your emotions are getting involved...I like that you react... It shows me you actually care. I wasn't hiding it. Would you consider me not telling you I got a paper cut a lie and full intention of deceiving you? No 'cause it is small... Now to me..Getting shot in the arm is like a paper cut...It can happen daily and I'm used to it... You are not... So of course I'm going to ease you in on this...I don't want to come home with a huge gash and have you think it is something out of proportion. Don't think I intentionally lied to you... I just think nothing of it. Librarians get papers cuts at work...I get shot... no difference.." Mischa's hand would slip in between Kev's chin and her stomach to pull her face away from it.

"And I won't leave you remember? Unless you want me to." she laughed a little to calm the atmosphere... to make everything better. "Even then I will put up a hell of a fight." she would kiss the top of Kevala's head. Hopefully she had gotten her words into Kev's head. She didn't want any misunderstandings...that was the LAST thing she wanted.

[Kevala Badoer]

H[/size]ad Kevala been in the right, rational state of mind, she would have realized what she was doing..She would have seen that she was breaking down, and most likely she would have stopped herself.

It was just not something she did in front of anyone...She had cried in front of Gabriel, sure....But to break down this completely while another sat there, listening, watching.....well that was unheard of.....She stayed silent, only the soft, hushed sobs of her crying against Mischa's stomach could be heard as she listened to the girl further explain the situation.

The rationality of it breaking through the madness and slowly putting the darker part of her back in its cage....Her head being forced back to look at Mischa, her eyes would have once more returned to their icy blue color as she nodded softly.

"I understand...."

And she did, honestly......that much was clear...yet as she felt the kiss to her head she could do nothing but close her eyes and then quickly hide herself against Misha once more....Speaking up softly as she curled her knees up more...until she was a tingy little trembling ball of a woman laid upon the bed...

"It is just.....that I am scared...I know...you said you would not leave....and I believe you......but I am terrified...that I will be bad...and you will go away....Or that somebody will take you away from me...becaue I do not deserve you...."

Another soft whimper as she slid her small hand upward to grip hold of Mischa's shirt at her side, clinging to her as she bit her lower lip timidly....

"Because....because I am....like this...because I am....weak...and...and pathetic like this....and you....you are so much stronger than me...."

She closed her eyes, a gentle whimper escaping her as she simply laid there savoring the feel of Micha's touch, the scent of her body and the heat of being so close to her....Gods she loved her so much....