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Post by Delilah A. Black on Oct 31, 2012 23:10:20 GMT -8
Delilah lowered her hands as he explained, tilting her head slightly to the side as she tried to decide whether or not to ask the question she still had.
Oh hell, why not?
"I get that....but why?"
If there was anything she knew about Mathew, it was this: he didn't do anything 'just because'. The this he did were calmly calculated and well thought out. Of course, he improvised well too, but this was different. This wasn't out of the blue. This served a purpose, and a specific one at that to be performing it away from the people he knew and trusted.. And oh, was she curious...
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Nov 1, 2012 7:52:50 GMT -8
She just wasn't going to let it go was she? Figured, the only question now was whether or not to trust her and tell her. He didn't like the idea of trusting a lot of people. And she wasn't even one of his family. But so far she seemed like an alright person, between their first meeting and the fight against the experiments.
"Because I need to kill Barker and if I don't make it I want my child to still have a part of me."
That was pretty much why. So he was dropping the bomb that he had a kid on the way. Something he still hadn't dropped on most of the Dragons, but he was going to. He was going to need help to make sure Bastille didn't run off and do something reckless.
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Post by Delilah A. Black on Nov 1, 2012 22:00:42 GMT -8
"Because I need to kill Barker and if I don't make it I want my child to still have a part of me."
"Well I suppose that's a good enough reason if I've ever heard one, I mean, as a parent myself, I know what it's like to---WAAAAAAAT?"
She blinked a few times and stumbled back as a silly grin made it's way onto her face.
"You're...Bastille is...that's...I don't..." she forced herself to stop talking as about a million thoughts tried to make their way out of her mouth at the same time. After a moment she huffed, putting her hands on her hips as she continued to smile at Mathew.
"Well. Congratulations! How do you feel?"
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Nov 1, 2012 22:11:23 GMT -8
He snorted a little bit at her reaction. Feeling a bit better with the mixed up jumble that he himself was feeling. It was a lot, and he kept switching between being alright and normal and not having any idea what is going on, or what he was going to do.
"Honestly? I have NO idea."
He couldn't really make heads or tails out of his feelings cause they kept switching. All he did know was that he wanted to be around, in one way or another. Which he supposed was good right? Meant he wasn't a deadbeat, hopefully.
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Post by Delilah A. Black on Nov 3, 2012 22:35:55 GMT -8
"Honestly? I have NO idea."
She nodded sagely, having expected that. She knew exactly how he felt, having been there when she first learned she was pregnant with Oliver. The one thing that had gotten her over those messed up emotions had been the support from her nearest and dearest friends. Her family.
"That's good. It means you're preparing for what's about to happen next on an entirely different level. A level I bet you didn't even know you had."
She gave him a reassuring swat on the shoulder. To prevent mushiness.
"You'll be a good dad. Once 'Parent Mode' is finished engaging, you'll start feeling more clearly."
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Nov 8, 2012 15:09:02 GMT -8
"Maybe."
He said as his shoulder was pushed forward with the slap. It was nice to hear, and even a little comforting. But he just wasn't feeling it yet. And he didn't even know her that well. They were not close. Though, they were not unclose either. He wasn't close to most of the people in the city. And the people he was close to, well they generally were not the parenting type.
Except maybe Leon. He was a Dad, though he didn't know how hands on he was. And his son was kind of a weak little tool. God he hoped his kid wasn't such a let down. That forced him to frown, which then made him feel shitty for thinking that about his unborn child.
"So... How long does parent mode normally take to kick in?"
Because he hated not knowing how he felt. It made him feel all indecisive, and he hated indecisiveness.
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Post by Delilah A. Black on Nov 10, 2012 22:54:47 GMT -8
"So... How long does parent mode normally take to kick in?"
Ah, and there was the rub. She understood Mathew's reasons for asking, she truly did...but as much as she wished she could tell him what he wanted to hear, what every parent-to-be wanted to hear, she knew it would almost be a sin to do so. This wasn't a movie or high school. This was the real world, and in the world they were in, you had to be prepared.
She let out a long breath after a moment, "It depends, and honestly everyone is different. For me, it was natural, but for most mothers it already is. Maternal instincts and whatnot, plus we have to carry him or her for nine months inside ourselves. There's a bit more of a personal connection there, usually right from the get go. Some fathers get this too, like when they first feel the baby kick, sometimes not until the child is born.
"For some people, fathers as well as mothers...they usually worry too much about not repeating their parent's mistakes --or their own mistakes-- and can't connect with their child on their level because they're so wrapped up in themselves and doing everything 'right'. So they feel less like a parent and more like a babysitter until they learn to let go of those walls and barriers they form for their children. Some never let go of those perceptions."
Delilah tilted her head to the side at a slight angle, studying Mathew curiously as she said this, reading his expression and his body language, trying to gauge his reaction. Perhaps a lighter note should be added?
"Fortunately, you have a long time to get to that place. Not only is it months until the baby is born, but you won't even need to do any real parenting until the child is four. Earlier than that and simple commands like 'no', 'hot', 'bad' and 'sharp' will do. They can't understand 'why' at that age and it is bloody pointless to try and argue with a three year old, let me tell you..."
She laughed lightly, a little wearily, as she remembered days that weren't so long ago but nonetheless seemed like eons past. It was funny how time seemed so short and long at the same time. In other ways, it wasn't funny at all. Oliver was already five, for pities sake. She was teaching her little baby how to use a knife, something that made her proud and pained all at once. It wouldn't be long before he was grown and didn't want to hold her hand anymore.
After another contemplative moment, she spoke up again, a little quieter. "And you have to be ready for the pain being a parent brings. Think of the worst thing that could happen to your child and how that will affect you." She stopped speaking here, waiting for his reaction as she tucked her hands into her pockets as she considered this for herself as well.
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Nov 14, 2012 19:33:12 GMT -8
He sighed when she began talking. He kind of felt bad that he didn't have that automatic connection. It was hard to believe that it was even real, or that it would happen. There were so many things that could cause a miscarriage, or it could be still born. He didn't know if he would feel sad if that happened, and that made him feel horrible.
He nodded along silently as she moved on to slightly lighter advice about how it wouldn't really be parenting until the kid got a little older. That was nice at least. But he didn't know if that would help. He just couldn't really picture himself as a dad. With little lives depending on him and looking up to him. He wasn't a role model.
"Yeah..."
He said after she finished talking. His face was pretty grim, jaw clenched and eyes boring holes in to the ground. That scared the fuck out of him. That the kid would be born, and he would actually grow attached and then something would happen to it. He didn't know what he would do if something like that happened.
"Well.... Thanks for the pep talk I suppose...."
He tried to give her a smile, but it ended up just being him baring his teeth at her. He wasn't in a mood to smile now, not with that thought hanging over his head.
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Post by Delilah A. Black on Nov 22, 2012 1:37:18 GMT -8
She winced internally at his expression, feeling guilty about telling him all that. The truth. Though she was sure Mathew would be able to tell if she was lying, maybe it would have been easier to take if she was sugar coating it. But then, she had also thought that if anyone had been able to take the straight up truth of it, that Mathew would.
But this was different. This was his responsibility and the rest of his life, his mental state at risk. Maybe this was the sort of thing he couldn't simply handle.
She suddenly frowned. "Hey," her voice was blunt, a little harsh, but it was also laced with concern. "You will get there. Have a little faith in yourself, man. You have months to work out the turmoil you're feeling. And if there's anyone who can help you get to that place faster, it's the mother of your child."
Delilah crossed her arms over her chest as if to say 'And that's that."
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 1, 2012 9:56:30 GMT -8
"we shall see I suppose."
He let his eyes slide over her before giving her a tiny nod as his body started to sink in to the ground. Slowly, and deliberately. It was about time for this to be over, he had other things that he needed to attend to anyways, and he had been gone for to long. He didn't say anything until the ground reached his neck, he would just look up at Delilah and wink.
"Thanks."
He would shoulder through it. He shouldered through everything. Facing his problems head on, as unmovable as the Earth. This might be his greatest challenge yet, but he would meet it.
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