Life Goes On (David/Open)

[Your Mom~]

She let him guide her up and into his lap, wrapping her arms round his shoulders and burying her face in his neck. She breathed in, taking in his scent, it was so calming and made her heart swell. This was what she wanted, this is what made her happy. Him.

"I shouldn't have doubted you. I just...I felt a bit stung when I took a risk and you turned me down. It isn't the same...you know...without you."

She meant the bed. His bed. Their bed. Her bed. She still slept in his old tshirt every night. It was lame, and probably a bit pathetic, but it made her feel safe and...loved. It was her holding onto a shred of what they had and be hopeful for the future.

[David B.]

David blushed....deeply. He would turn his head and kiss her cheek, speaking after in a rather soft voice.

"I...know what you mean. Sometimes...I stop, thinking I hear her laughing or you calling out but...then I realize it's just me and my own thoughts."

He clutched her a little tighter.

"Its why I keep busy. Fixing the house. Or...cars. Being back in the seat is...I hate it. But at least it will keep me...keep me busy."

He meant in regards to the chair at the war room. The chair she kept warm for him. He took a deep, steadying breath...trying to figure out what to do and how to say what he was thinking. In the end, he just stayed silent. Was...safer that way.

[Your Mom~]

A slight shiver coursed through her system as he kissed her cheek. She wanted more, though she wasn't sure if she should act on her thoughts. She realized, though, that he was still not completely open with her. He was holding back.

She took his cheeks in her bandaged palms, gently turning his face to look at her. Their faces were mere inches apart, and she probed his gaze with her own, trying to figure out what was on his mind.

"I wish I had a mind reader..."

Olesya said softly, indicating that she knew there was more he wanted to say. Or do.

[David B.]

David smiled and shook his head.

"No you don't..."

His head was so clustered with over-thinking everything...plus she might find out how deeply he felt for Kiyr, how it was on the same level as his feelings for her....and he couldn't have that. Still, this compromising position he was finding himself in...? He needed them to stop. Needed to sort out whats what in his head.

Gently, he would lift her and set her down on the middle seat.

"I...should go."

[Your Mom~]

Olesya frowned when he shut her down, getting up to leave. She couldn't help but feel like something still wasn't right. He wasn't being open with her, he was avoiding things...avoiding her. When he returned, before their fight, he had said he wanted honesty and openness. And here she was laying it all out on the line, and he was walking away. Something was not right. Maybe she was overthinking but she couldn't shake that feeling.

"There's something you're not telling me."

[David B.]

He took a deep breath.

"You...really want me to tell you everything im thinking about you? You want me to open up that box?"

[Your Mom~]

Olesya's lips pressed together, if alarm bells were ringing in her heads before, now they were a wailing siren.

"You wanted me to be open with you. I would expect the same of you for me."

Don't you owe me that?

[David B.]

David shook his head and stood, running a hand through his hair as he chewed a lip. He turned back to her.

"You want it all, fine. But don't talk until I'm done. then, if you wanna argue or fight, we'll do just that."

He took a deep breath.

"You fought me a few days ago for my title. At the time you said things that I couldn't ever picture you saying. You spat on my honor, disrespected me, and called me weak. Today, you were open with me, asking me to come and be with you. I said I would later and you treated me like it was bullshit. Like I couldn't be trusted. If Someone like August or Mathew said it, you'd smile and nod, like it was no problem. You treated me with disrespect because I felt overwhelmed by a job that you said you couldn't do, but when I took it back you were more than happy to crap that load on me. You distrust me- and I have no idea how long it will go on. If we got back together now, would I have to worry that every time I spoke to Kiyr you'd want to tear her head off? Or that you'd mistreat me because of it?"

He began to pace.

"You say you love me, but when I told you the same you didn't believe me. You said I never loved you, it was a lie and you wanted to move out. Whenever I try and explain that to you, you act like I'm stupid for thinking it because you have had mental trauma and I should be more understanding. Yet you FORGET I was taken into the facility too! I'm one of a few people who got out, just like yourself."

He shook his head then stopped, looking at her again.

"You apologized, and I believe you. But when I tried to do the same you spat it in my face. You spurned me. Why is it that I must always be the one to be hurt and forget, yet if I do the same, even by accident, I can never be granted the same forgiveness. You worry and distrust for reasons you say are just and right and true- tell me then, how can I trust that our relationship will be any different? How can I trust that if we decided, here and now, to be together, that I wouldn't have to worry that you may close down or blow up over something I should or shouldn't have done months prior? I've known you since high school- yet you don't open up enough to tell me everything about yourself. The only reason, I feel, your being open now is because we broke up and I begged you to be open. Is that all going to go away if we're together? Will you fall back on that self-defense?"

He stared, then spread his arms wide.

"You have a small idea, now, of what runs through my head with you. Floors open, tear me a new one if that's what you need to do to feel safe."

[Your Mom~]

She stared at him in stunned silence. His voice echoed through the empty halls of the house, hitting her square in the chest. He felt that she didn't trust him, didn't love him. Didn't want him. And it couldn't be farther from the truth.

"David..."

She began, trying her best to hold her temper. Yelling wasn't going to fix things between them, it would only drive them father apart and drive him into Kiyr's waiting arms.

"I'm sorry that you think that I don't trust you, or that I don't love you. The reason that I would take what Mathew and August say at face value would be because Im not emotionally invested in them. They're my friends, but are not and will not ever be as close as you are to me. I let you into the very core of my heart, no one else is there but you and Maddie. When I found out that you and Kiyr...it hurt me so deeply. I had no choice but to protect myself, to put my walls up."

She chewed on her lip, trying to put her words together. She needed to stay completely honest with him, no hiding behind her walls, no withdrawing. She might not get another chance.

"I left because I thought you didn't want me. That I was taking someone else's place. Kiyr's place. I didn't want to leave, I never wanted to leave. Why do you think I moved back into this house? This is my home, now. You, Maddie...you're my home."

Her gaze fell to the floor.

"I know I was disrespectful, and I am sorry for that too. And I didn't just throw all the responsibility back on you, I told you we could carry it together. You said you couldn't do it alone, and it's killing me, but together...I'd never make you carry that burden alone. But you took it back, you relieved me of my duties. That was your choice."

She looked back to him, climbing to her feet and taking a step toward him to gauge his reaction.

"If we were to get back together now...I would do everything I could to be a better woman. Kiyr and I have talked...I have no problem with her as long as neither of you cross lines. Feeling some way about someone is one thing...but acting on it..."

She shivered, unable to finish the sentence. She didn't want to think about him and Kiyr together.

"There will be no secrets, no walls, no lies. You are the only one I love, but it all boils down to what you want. If you want to be with me, I will do everything I can to make you the happiest man alive. But if you have any feelings for Kiyr, if you see a future with her...you need to tell me. Please."

[David B.]

David shook his head.

"But you still think you got between me and Kiyr, don't you? Why would I agree to be with you if I was already set up with her? As for Kiyr....of course I still have feelings for her. I told you that on the day you broke up with me. Those feelings don't just drop out into nothing. To be honest- I've been feeling left out by you almost every time we see each other."

He pressed his shoulders back against the door, leaning.

"You either clam up or get pissed when I come around. Is it because, when you were leading, you thought I was weak for taking off? Did my opening up and telling you that Im a weak man shake some confidence in you? Would it have been better if I was like Leon or Mathew, constantly rooted in the past or future and thus, exuding strength rather than humanity?"

He would walk past her, bringing a hand up to his head and scratching.

"Im sick and tired of being something I'm not Les. I want to be with you. And Maddie. But In all honesty...I can't handle us breaking up again. And I'm not sure we wouldn't, because the truth is, your unpredictable. And you never have let me see this...side of you until now. I love it. It's what i've always wanted. But how can I expect that tomorrow or a week or five months from now you'll be like this?"

[Your Mom~]

"I didn't think you were weak for leaving...I felt abandoned. Just like I did back in high school. I needed you and you weren't there. I was bitter about that, and the only way I know how to deal with hurt is to withdrawn. The fact of the matter is I'm scared, David. I didn't think I could feel again, after all the shit I've been through. But you came back, and you managed to get through all the walls I'd put up around myself. I never even thought I'd love someone, not this much."

She sighed, chewing on the inside of her lip. This didn't seem to be going the way she wanted.

"I can't change what happened, but I can change what's happening now. And yes, I feel like I'm in the way of you being with Kiyr, because deep down I feel like I don't deserve you. That I don't deserve to be happy after everything I've done. I feel like I should have been left to rot on the streets for the monster I....I was. I look in the mirror and I hate my reflection. I can still feel the blood on my hands."

Her voice shook, and she looked at the ground.

"Like you said when we fought...'how could you love someone like me?'"

[David B.]

David stared at her, eyes going to the floor when she finished. He thought it through, thought everything over. Her state of mind. Having maddie. Leading the gang. Seeing Ophelia. Hating herself for what she has done. Being terrified of her past. Then David thought of himself...of all the killing he did because she left him. Of being unable to grasp that lonliness. Of being unable to stand alone before the future and say he would still make it through. A tear came down his cheek.

"Les...Les. I love you. I do. Whether you believe that you are worth it is not...is not a way you should go about thinking of it. Whatever happened in the past- thats up to the past. You are human, in the end, as am I. Either one of us would die if shot like Kiyoshi. Your not better than me. Nor are you worse. When I was in high school, I killed a kid for the principal at 809. I killed him, Les. But I don't think that makes me evil. It's simply something, a part of my life, that shaped me. You are a wonderful person and...despite my many attempts, I haven't been able to convince you of it. Your self deprecation...it has to stop. You need the strength to stand on your own, not requiring anyone to make you stronger. Love and a relationship is about committing yourself to the other person- to make one anothers quality of life greater. Not because you feel too weak to stand alone. I believe you when you say you care about me- but when you seem uncaring about yourself..."

He would move to the door, half turning back toward her.

"I love you. But you have to find that quality of life and strength on your own, without needing a post to lean on. As do I. We both need to heal, and dedicate ourselves to loving who we are again. I need to find myself- that powerful, strong man you fell for. When we broke up, I broke inside and...that's not right. I have to dedicate myself to loving life, alone, once more. You need to...You have to commit to being a mom and loving your daughter, and spending your energies on making that girls life amazing. Being with me won't make that happen, because I make you feel weak, less worthy.. I'm sorry but- until I see the strength that I know you have in you come out, we need to go our separate ways. We simply can't be together while you find yourself- or while I find myself- it would hurt us more than help us in the end. And not because strength is the only important thing to me- but because that strength, that fire in your belly, should be important to you. Somewhere inside, you know it. So do I."

He would open the door.

"I'll be there when you need me, anytime you need me Les. I...better go."

He had someone else...he needed to say this to.

A little blonde french girl, whom would not be happy to hear it.

[Your Mom~]

Olesya was stunned, stricken silent by his words. As much as she wanted to refute everything he said...there was an ounce of truth to it. She had very little self regard, she didn't forgive herself for what she did. That was probably why she was seeing visions of Ophelia while under extreme stress. She was broken.

He turned to leave, but Kiyr's words echoed in her mind. She would need to fight for David, or Kiyr would. She'd let him walk out once, she wouldn't let it happen again, because there was a good chance he would never walk back in.

She walked forward quickly, grabbing him by the elbow just like he'd caught her hours before. If he turned around, she'd give him the most purposeful gaze she'd ever given him. Her eyes would be lucid and bright and...sad.

"Letting you go was the biggest mistake I've ever made."

She said softly, regret in her voice. If she knew now what she knew then, she never would have let him leave that day. But like she'd said, she can't change the past, but she could change the way she acted now. She couldn't make the same mistake again.

[David B.]

David, door open, let her stop him, to which he would turn back and stare into her eyes. He looked to the ground, before leaning in and closing his eyes, aiming to plant a kiss, full, soft, on her lips. Time stopped, if for a moment.

And as quickly as it came, it went.

"Bye, Les."

He'd close the door behind him.

[Your Mom~]

Her eyes widened slightly as he leaned in, not expecting him to lean back toward her. As he pressed his lips against hers, she closed her eyes and brought up her hands to cup his cheeks gently. As he pulled away, she let her hands fall, her fingers reaching out for his one last time, brushing his as he walked away.

She would watch him go, standing in the doorway until he disappeared around the corner.

"Goodbye."