Rock Biter (open)

[Bailey Oleander]

"You won't know for sure unless you give it a shot," she countered, still looking up at him with half a space between them, unblinking. It went without saying that if he didn't, it would end. If that happened, then so be it, but Bailey was tired of being dismissed.

[Mathew Amtrum]

"And what is it now that makes you ask for me to teach you?"

He'd stare down at her.

"Honestly."

[Bailey Oleander]

"Because I'm weak." She swallowed under the intensity of his stare. "And I'm working to change that. And you offered to help. So I'm asking for help from someone who sees things differently, while you're still here. However long that is." She raised a hand to adjust her glasses by the ear piece.

"Because the next time something attacks Cabal, or I'm on the field, I need to be ready to do what I need, whatever the enemy's intent." Big words that she felt, but hated too. Still, what one might say she needed to do may not be what Bailey believed she needed to.

[Mathew Amtrum]

"You mean ready to kill?"

[Bailey Oleander]

Again she swallowed, this time as bile rose to her throat at the thought. Would she be able to, if it came to it? It was possible; she knew she would likely have to deal with death on the field, but would she be able to accept blood on her own hands?

"Intent matters Bailey. Intent to Subdue will overpower intent to flee. Intent to Kill will overpower intent to Subdue. Know yourself, then know your enemy. And never take your eyes off your attacker. Forget that, and you will die..."

What if Blake was actually right?

"Yes."

[Mathew Amtrum]

"And you are able to look into someone's eyes as you snuff the light out of them?"

[Bailey Oleander]

His question threw her, a test she should have expected instead of just saying "yes" once. To understand what she would be committing to. Then the memory flashed before her eyes, a dark room with machines. A body on the bed, still but breathing. A shadow and a flash of light on metal. Of turning to run, but a tool in hand. The light fading from someone's eyes in the dark, their body growing heavy on hers.

"I already have," she whispered.

[Mathew Amtrum]

"Tell me about it. All of the details about what you felt and thought. How it felt to see their eyes cloud over and their chest ceasing to rise and fall".

[Bailey Oleander]

The bile rose in her throat again as her arm crossed over her stomach, her fingers clenching into a tight grip around the other arm. She hadn't told anyone about it, not even Blake. Those who wanted to look into it could, however. She tried to forget about that part of it.

"It was a year ago, maybe a little more," she admitted, her voice still quiet. "I was tending one of the dead after we lost some more of our territory. Their brother came in, drunk, and thought I killed them. So he came at me with a knife." Her throat felt like sandpaper as she licked her suddenly dry lips.

"I had a surgeon's hook." To remove the organs. "I tried to get away or stop him. He held me against one of the walls. I couldn't breathe. I was scared." A shudder ran though her body as the memories came back. "I remember the black at the edge of my vision, the struggle, my breath rasping in my throat. I thought I was going to die." Why was she even saying this?

"I stabbed him, and he fell He bled out on top of me." Another shudder as she took a breath. "It felt surreal." There was no rush, no thrill of battle. She'd told him she hated violence once, and she meant it.

She shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts, hating herself. "Why?"

[Mathew Amtrum]

"Because you are asking me to help you recreate moments like that."

Someone's last moments.

"It's important to appreciate it while you still can."

[Bailey Oleander]

There was a moment of silence as Bailey let his words sink in. Recreating moments like that that she hated. Moments where someone else's life would be taken from them. The thought made her want to throw up on the spot. She'd been avoiding that sort of situation if at all possible, had planned to go back after graduation and be free of that possibility.

But how much of a dream was that? How many others fought and killed, and lived because of it? Blake, telling her he killed his enemies to protect his people. The deaths of those from the scorpion attack. Kirin, warning her that ferals fought with only the intent to be the alpha No mercy. Sil, gently holding her baby, protective, protecting her and the baby both. All of the Cabal soldiers who came in, dying or wounded. All of the collateral damage.

What if her holding back would get someone killed? Her family? Her friends? The people she stood by? Her teammates? Her grip on her arm tightened.

If she didn't have the strength to do what was needed, then maybe she really should have left like Blake said.

"I understand."

[Mathew Amtrum]

"Good. Then I'll think about if I want to spend my time helping you."

He'd start to walk by her, going so far as to create several paces of space between them before he stopped. His eyes drifting toward the Academy, his back to Bailey.

"And if you tell anyone what you saw here today, I will kill you."

It was with that friendly warning he would leave her to be with her thoughts.

[Bailey Oleander]

It wasn't a no, at least. In truth, Bailey wasn't sure what she'd have done if Eric had said yes right then and there, either. She nodded at the dismissal, letting him pass without further question and walking on her own way when his threat reached her ears. The knot returned in her throat, that sense of what made her afraid of him rising to a crest.

This was why. There was no way he didn't know it.

"Tell anyone what?" she asked, her back still turned to him as she started walking away. "I was never here."