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Imma chargyn mah lazahs![A1i:2] |
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Post by Matrim Gallagher on Jan 5, 2010 21:27:07 GMT -8
Dear father who art in heaven. No really Dad, you're up there right? Why did I marry a crazy lady who is out to kill me?
Matrim came to the realization the fate that he accepted when he said his I Do's at the wedding him and Sara had. It was quite insane, but you know what? He loved her. He just needed to hide from her at times whenever he got afraid for his life, you never know when she's watching! So he did so, he got a big fake black beard and put it on, he used a single wash out black dye to dye his hair all black, and then he got a old torn up toque on over that, and then some fingertip-less gloves, and a hobo style parka.
He, of course, would need something to do so with a few hundred bucks he bought a guitar at a pawn shop, restrung it with some of his own strings, and started playing Wonderwall at a local corner. He liked playing the song that he collected royalties from and such, and it had always just reminded him of his family to do so.
Though what he didn't realize... was that somehow she always knew.... somehow, she was always there... waiting to strike. He played at the corner of a large and very tall business building, a law firm from the looks of it, where lawyers constantly were chucking their coffee change into his guitar case. Across the street toward his right was a Starbucks, his left a McDonald's, and diagonally between those another large building that Matrim didn't have a clue about.
"I said maybeee...." He continued singing on, knowing full well something very bad was gonna hit him soon, somewhere in the back of his mind he just.... felt something very bad.
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Post by Sara Gallagher on Jan 6, 2010 19:36:49 GMT -8
Sara stared at the man sitting across the desk from her. He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat and coughed awkwardly in his hand avoiding her gaze. She smiled wickedly, relaxing into the chair as she took a sip from the coffee cup she was holding, one leg crossed over the other. God she loved her life...
"I'd like to make you an offer you can't refuse..."
"Miss... I'm not sure I understand... Isn't that a mov--"
"SILENCE COMMONER!" Sara leaned forward in her seat, resting her arm on the desk as she stared the man down. Reaching over, she grabbed a hold of the phone and punched in a number. A feminine, high pitched, overly happy voice answered and Sara cut her off. "More coffee! NOW!"
"Right away?!" The phone clicked dead and outside the office, the sound of a chair moving as someone rushed off was heard. She relaxed back into the chair again.
"Miss, if we could get on with thi--"
"Yes, the offer... The one you can't refuse..."
"Again, I'm not sure I understand... I'm not sure why I'm sitting on this side of the table, I need things from my drawers on the other side... This IS my desk you know..."
"That's fine... You still can't refuse though..." She chuckled lightly, spinning around in the chair.
"REFUSE WHAT!? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR 2 HOURS, DRINKING COFFEE AND RUNNING MY OFFICE!" With another cough, the man fixed his jacket, reigning in his anger. "On the phone you said something about a will and some money business. Let's get this started. Please..."
Sara immediately stopped spinning, turning the scariest glare she could muster to the man. "... Beg me..."
The lawyer started to cry and Sara checked the clock, a tingle running up her spine. A spidey tingle... Matrim was around wasn't he...? Sara's eyes narrowed. "I guess we can do this now..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sara left the lawyers office not long after feeling quite pleased with herself. She had made a will, leaving everything to Shayne (nothing to Matrim hehehehe) and had handled some money issues. It was perfect. That lawyer was such a pushover. The same tingly feeling continued though. She knew enough now to know that it meant Matrim was around, but where? She didn't know. She damn well intended to find out though.
She took the elevator to the ground floor and exited the building. As she turned and walked with the flow of pedestrians, she shivered, hating being so close to so many people. She had parked on the other side of the building and---
The sound of music hit her. Almost immediately, she recognized the song. If it was possible, she saw dollar signs. Matrim made money off that song... She continued down the sidewalk towards the sound. So didn't it mean she would make money to? No way was Matrim making money without giving her her half. Ass... AHA! She spotted the hobo playing the music. She wasn't sure if the song had to be finished before she got her money, nor was she completely sure how the money came about being in her pocket, but she would find out. Oh yes... She would find out...
She stopped in front of the hobo and stood stark still, eyes on his glasses as she waited for him to finish the song. He looked.... familiar? And made her tummy feel funny... She tilted her head slightly, baring her teeth threatening to him. "Hurry up..."
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Imma chargyn mah lazahs![A1i:2] |
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Post by Matrim Gallagher on Jan 6, 2010 19:42:36 GMT -8
"Hurry up..."
JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!
Matrim continued the song but...
Does she notice it's me? Maybe the disguise is working.... what was she doing inside of the law firm?
Matrim played the last bit of the song, lawyers gave less money as Sara was sort of killing the vibe and made everyone slightly uncomfortable getting between the two what with her baring her teeth at him like he had somehow managed to inappropriately touch her with his mind and she wanted to smack him when he wasn't busy with his singing and playing guitar. Once finished he set his guitar down on the steps next to him and looked up at Sara.
Think think think! GOT IT! I'll play my part as the oblivious hobo who doesn't know what the fuck is going on!
"Uhh, can I help you miss?" The hobo asked, not standing up but rather just staying on his ass pulling his guitar case pull of precious change closer to him to start counting what he had made to see if it was enough for a bottle and some lunch.
That's right Mat, be the poor hobo, BE the poor hobo....
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... like a manta ray?[A1i:8] |
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Post by Sara Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 19:09:47 GMT -8
People continued to move around the two, less and less people dropping money into his guitar case. Sara kept glancing down at the case in front of her. If she put money into it... Would she get more? Her eyes glazed over as she tried to do the math.
Ok... If he had $100 in the case, and she took 10%, she would get 10$. If she put $20 into it, and he had $120, and she got 10% of that, she would get... $12? Well that didn't work... HOBO GETS NOTHING D<<<<
He finally finished, setting the guitar down and looking to her. She actually felt her eye twitch, waiting for her 10% to jump into her pocket. Was it even 10%? Maybe she should get 50... If he had $100, and she put in $20 and took 50%, she would get... $60?
HOBO GET $20! D<<<<<<
"Uhh, can I help you miss?"
She dug into her pocket and counted $20 in change. She took her damn sweet time doing it, watching him count the money out of the corner of her eye, but finally she tossed a bunch of bills and change into his case.
Then she knelt down in front of him, staring him in the eye. "And now I collect." Hoping to catch him off guard, she slammed the lid closed and attempted to grab the guitar case. As soon as she had a hold of it, she would take off running through the crowded streets.
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Imma chargyn mah lazahs![A1i:2] |
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Post by Matrim Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 19:51:41 GMT -8
Sara pulled out money to put in the case, and Matrim stared up at her as she did, and finally when she put the money in the case she did something very confusing, "And now I collect."
Oh, hell.
She shut the case and grabbed it, taking off with it and making her way through the streets. Matrim grabbed whatever change had fallen to the ground, chasing after her and breaking through the crowd, "HEY!" He yelled out, "HEY! GET BACK HERE!" He called as he ran, she was fast but so was he, and better yet, he had a nickel.
Ok, GO NICKEL!
He tossed the coin, aiming for the back of her head, hoping the sudden impact would throw her off and cause her to face plant into the ground. Of course, that was being hopeful, though even if it moved her wrong she may trip over someone nearby so you never know. In any case Matrim would continue chasing her no matter where she ran.
I'll get back that money for food damnit! Even if I am a rich person I want my damn earnings!
The guitar was now strapped to his back as he chased on.
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... like a manta ray?[A1i:8] |
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Post by Sara Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 22:11:06 GMT -8
"HEY! HEY! GET BACK HERE!"
She glanced behind her to see the hobo chasing after her. Tch... He was persistent wasn't he? Didn't he know this was her damn money? And it wasn't like she wanted all of it, just her 50%. He would get the rest once she had counted it. And he was fast. Faster then most hobo's were. Difference was, she was small. And female.
>3 perfect combo
Her eyes scanned the quickest way out of this. As much as she would love to get this guy arrested, she would rather just get her money and be done with it--
X____x
Something smacked into the back of her head, with enough force to knock her forward. She rolled, both to help herself and because he just threw it that hard. She landed on her back, people staring at her, her hand still clutching the handle of the guitar case. She sat up confused and turned to look back at him. "YOU'RE NO GODDAMN HOBO!" She flicked her hand quickly, low, activating her qi and trying to aim the distance burst for his feet, to trip him up.
Without waiting to see if it worked, she pushed to her feet and took off down a side alley. She knew the park was just on the other side of the block so... Coming up was a link fence. HAHA!
She easily vaulted over the fence, guitar case still in hand, then turned and waited to see what he did, a smile on her face as she waited for him to realize it was useless.
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Imma chargyn mah lazahs![A1i:2] |
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Post by Matrim Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 22:18:37 GMT -8
"YOU'RE NO GODDAMN HOBO!" She had said in reaction to him tripping her up. He was pretty close to catching up now, in fact had she not used her Qi he would have been right on her tail. The burst hit his feet as he fell forward, his hands reached out, palms hitting ground as his elbows bent in, and pushed out, launching him into a flip. He came down into a run and chased her.
She ran up to a linked fence, and vaulted it, Matrim charged to rip through the fence, and as she turned she would see him right in front of her, he would reach out to grab her while calling out, "WRY HALLO THAR!"
>>>3
Oh yeah, this will freak her out for a very long time. Something tells me she's going to be deathly afraid of homeless people from now on. After all, you never know when one may end up being a secret ninja assassin sent to trick you into stealing from him so he can chase you down and murder you in an alley. Oh yeah.
Matrim's grin spread wide and he'd add, "I'll be taking that case back if you don't mind, you shouldn't take things that don't belong to you."
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... like a manta ray?[A1i:8] |
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Post by Sara Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 22:31:53 GMT -8
She vaulted the fence, the smile already plastered on her face to rub it in his face that she had the money and he didn't. As she came down, landing hard on her feet, there was a loud crash, and she turned to see him, expecting to see a fence separating him and her. Only instead of a fence, a person was right in front of her. And in fact, the shirt was very familiar. In fact, it was the same sort that hobo had been wearing. Oh hell no... Hands grabbed onto her upper arms, a loud call ringing out. "WRY HALLO THAR!" Odd... Not the oddest she had seen, but odd none the less. The hands on her arms though, holding her in place? Scary as living sin. She slowly, oh so slowly, turned her eyes up to his face, with the big bushy beard that probably had face crabs, and the hat that was probably covered in sweat and a million other bodily fluids, and the clothes that hadn't been washed in a million years... She was going to be killed by a dirty old hobo... D8 She stared up into the sick smile of her attacker, his jagged monster teeth glinting at her. Common Sara, keep your cool. you're brave... Right? You can take him... >_>" Right?"I'll be taking that case back if you don't mind, you shouldn't take things that don't belong to you."... ........ "The money is mine... At least 50% of it. You shouldn't touch people that don't belong to you." She gave a tug back, expecting to easily tear his grasp from her. Instead, she was held fast by his strength. ..... Another tug and still nothing. She turned her eyes, brimming with tears up to his face. And then screamed bloody murder. If a small girl screaming like he was stabbing her hadn't made him let go, then the next part would. Whether he let go or not, she shifted the guitar case so the arm of the guitar pointed up, and slammed it towards his groin.
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Imma chargyn mah lazahs![A1i:2] |
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Post by Matrim Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 22:39:54 GMT -8
"The money is mine... At least 50% of it. You shouldn't touch people that don't belong to you."
And then a scream came out, and he had to squint his eyes as one of them fidgeted a bit, shaking as his head tilted, "That's completely unnecessar- UMPF!" He dropped his hold and fell to the ground as she turned and ran, he got up slowly and brushed his fake beard with one hand, "Ahh... I see... well then...."
And then he took off after her, grabbing a garbage bag as he ran along, chasing her down the alleyway. "THATS MY HARD EARNED CASH!" He yelled, as they passed a trash container he jumped up and jumped off of it, lunging out towards her and trying to swing the trash bag down on her at full strength yelling, "OOOOOOOORRRRRYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
If it failed he'd most likely land flat on his stomach and face with his arms still up in the air holding the trash bag. In fact, he'd probably slide a bit too....
Still, his crotch hurt pretty bad, even though the case didn't get quite the angle you would hope for it still hurt like a bitch, especially since he immediately started running.
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... like a manta ray?[A1i:8] |
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Post by Sara Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 22:54:54 GMT -8
She took off running, this time not even bothering to look back and see what had happened to him. The end of the alley was coming up, she was maybe halfway there, sunlight and the general public just a little farther... "THATS MY HARD EARNED CASH!""YOU'RE NOT A DAMN HOBO!" she called back, gritting her teeth. She wasn't running at full speed. There was no need for it. She was a bloody speeding bullet. This was just a normal guy who probably made a shit ton of money every day and played hobo on his days off. He might be strong, but he damn well couldn't -- "OOOOOOOORRRRRYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" what? She moved to look back and instead, something slammed into her shoulder, knocking her to the side with an immense amount of strength. Her legs collapsed under her, garbage thrown everywhere, including on her as she slid off to the side. She came to a stop when she lightly hit the wall, her hand still clutching the case thanks to her gloves. It was going to take chopping off her hand to get the damn thing from her. She pushed herself up and leaned against the wall, breathing hard. She took stock of herself, taking in the now dirtied shirt and pants. "Now you owe me all the damn money for the outfit..." She turned angry eyes up at him as she shifted her shoulder, working out the stiffness from the hit. Her eyes flicked from one side to the other, trying to decide the best way out of this. Then, she had it. She slowly pushed herself up so that she was standing, back to the wall. She really wished she had a burst right now, but anything would work in this situation, she just needed to be quick. And quick was definitely what she was. Matrim was going to kill her for doing this public. She crouched as though she was going to spring at him, then turned quickly, pivoting on her feet and jumped as high as she could, her free hand catching on the wall and actually sticking to it. Her other hand holding the case also came to the wall, the case smacking against the brick, but the handle was caught between her palm and the wall, her thumb hooking it in place. She started to hum and she tried to climb to the stop of the building. "Spidey Sara.... Spidey Sara.... Does whatever a Sara does..."OOC- burst can be used next post Str - 206 Dex - 345
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Imma chargyn mah lazahs![A1i:2] |
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Post by Matrim Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 23:15:59 GMT -8
"Now you owe me all the damn money for the outfit..." She said and Matrim didn't quite care, he was busy recovering after his stunt which worked, he laughed a bit as he watched her look for a way out as he slowly inched towards her. He wanted that case... he didn't know why he just did. So when she jumped up onto the wall and started climbing he got a little frustrated.
"THAT'S CHEATING!" He called and then looked around to find no fire escape, and so he busted through the brick wall of the building she was climbing, breaking through it he immediately realized it was an apartment building, and he was in a couples bedroom while they were... you know....., "OOOOOOH YEAHHHH!" Matrim said in a kool-aid guy imitation. "Uhh, which way to the stairs of the building?"
The guy pointed toward the bedroom door, "That way...."
"Ooooooof course it is," Matrim said running and kicking the door off of it's hinges rather than opening it as he ran out of the apartment and into the hallway, spotting the stairs he started climbing, he got to about the fifth floor before he started needing air, leaving the staircase for awhile to catch his breath he noticed the elevator door ding as it opened, "You're shitting me, they have elevators?"
He ran into it and pressed the top floor and waited calmly, humming along to the elevator song which happened to be the theme to the titanic. Someone was in there with him and he turned, and they threw some pocket change on the floor and said, "Keep singin... your voice is nice..."
"Uhh.... thanks..." He said, picking up the change. The guy grinned at him weird as he kept singing along to the song, and once the elevator beeped he took off quicker than a bat out of hell to the roof access.
God that was fucking creepy....
Once he got onto the roof he ran over to the ledge, if Sara was there he'd point and yell "AHA!" And chase her, if she wasn't he'd look over the edge and point at her and say "AHA!"
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Post by Sara Gallagher on Jan 16, 2010 23:30:18 GMT -8
"THAT'S CHEATING!"
"SO IS BEING A HOBO WHEN YOU HAVE A REAL JOB!" She spat down at him and continued climbing as fast as her little arms could carry her. About halfway up though, she realized this had been a really bad idea. The building was taller then she had imagined it would be, and the guitar case was getting heavier. Or her arms were just getting weaker from climbing a damn building. Whichever was more possible. >_>" She really preferred the whole, case getting heavier.
By the time she reached the top, she was completely out of breath. She heaved herself over the edge of the building and collapsed in a wheezing heap on the roof of the building, the case still clutched in her hand. She really needed to quit smoking...
Suddenly, the door burst open and out ran the hobo screaming "AHA!". Her head dropped to the side to look at him incredulously. "Jesus... GO AWAY WILL YOU!?"
She sat up assessing the situation. She could over the roof edge, or she could attempt to pass him and go into the building. Or she could end this here and now. Her eyes narrowed as she pushed to her feet, kicking the case behind her for safe keeping. "Look, you really don't want to do this man..." She pushed up the sleeves to her shirt all macho like.
She brought her fists up in front of her, bouncing on her feet like a boxer, trying to act tough as she cracked her neck. "Seriously... but if you really wanna..." She flicked her hand at him, bursting. Oh ya... She would burst the guy off a building if it meant she got her money and didn't get her hands dirty.
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Imma chargyn mah lazahs![A1i:2] |
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Post by Matrim Gallagher on Jan 17, 2010 0:00:17 GMT -8
"SO IS BEING A HOBO WHEN YOU HAVE A REAL JOB!"
But I don't have a job D=
The good news was that she had a look of disbelief and amazement when he showed his face on that roof, "Jesus... GO AWAY WILL YOU!?"
"NO!" He said, stroking his beard with one hand while the other pointed at her to emphasize his point.
"Look, you really don't want to do this man..." She said and then brought her fists up in front of her, cracking her neck like she's tough stuff. Oh this was going to be fun, "Seriously... but if you really wanna..."
*Le burst*
Matrim slid on his feet, struggling to stay upright he put his momentum forward so he was leaning forward when he went through the ledge and started to fall over, his hand reaching up and the tips barely catching onto the broken ledge. He looked down the fall and saw it was a busy street.
Shit, I do not want to land in the middle of that....
He pulled himself up and got onto the top, out of breath as he walked toward her slowly saying, "Girly I've killed for less money than that...." And he cracked his knuckles laughing and stroking his beard, "You don't want to feel the wrath of my Hobo-Fu. Trust me," He then got a serious look and said, "And I do NOT have a job...."
Damn tootin' I don't.
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... like a manta ray?[A1i:8] |
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Post by Sara Gallagher on Jan 17, 2010 0:46:49 GMT -8
The guy slid back, pushing his weight forward to keep his feet. This man was a bloody monster! Her jaw dropped is disbelief. She had expected him to go flying off the building like Jesse and James from TeamRocket. Instead, his reaction was.... was like... Matrims! D< He still went over the side though...
Let's see... He could smash through fences, race to tops of buildings, throw nickles hard enough to give someone a concussion, and withstand her bursts.
He must be god... O_________O Isn't there a song about that by Joan Osborn or something or other?
What if God was one of us? Just a stranger on a bus... Trying to make his wayyyy homeeeee
Jesus Christ she had just thrown God off a building D8
And then he was pulling himself back up, out of breath, but more then alive. She didn't know what to think. She had hoped he would just die, but this was god D8 She was going head to head with god D8 and now god was coming towards her all mad like....
"Girly I've killed for less money than that.... You don't want to feel the wrath of my Hobo-Fu. Trust me... And I do NOT have a job...."
DDDDD8 oh please no, he was going to use his holy techniques on her... Of course he had killed for less D8 He wasn't a merciful god, he killed people who didn't believe in him, and she had just stolen from him D8 Her eyes were big and unsure, brimming with tears as she backed away from him.
"Please don't smite me..." D8 "I just... I just..." She turned tail, grabbing the case and hopped off the side of the building, falling so close to it that she thought she might scrape her face off it. About halfway, she stuck her hand to it. She suddenly stopped falling but she was SURE she had dislocated her arm. Slowly, oh so slowly, she made her way back down the same way she had gone up, all the while singing to herself,
"If God had a name what would it be? And would you call it to his face? If you were faced with him in all his glory what would you ask if you had just one question?"
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Imma chargyn mah lazahs![A1i:2] |
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Post by Matrim Gallagher on Jan 17, 2010 1:11:52 GMT -8
"Please don't smite me... I just... I just..." Sara suddenly turned as if she was going to run or something, grabbing the case and then.... she jumped? That... that was unexpected. Why did she decide to run? And why did she use the word Smite? Does she think.... oh... this was going to be weird.
"No I'm not..." He chased after, "IM JUST A HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBOOOOOOOOOOOOO" He said diving off of the building with a guitar in one hand, and the AIR in the other, falling down he passed her, and it was almost as if a brief screenshot froze just as he was even with her, his eyes looking to her, and his body turned in air so his back was to the ground, his legs straightened out.
Fuck... this is gonna hurt....
As he fell a taxi cab passed under him, and he smashed through the roof of it, causing the glass to shatter outward, and the guitar broke apart against it.
Damn, there goes... however cheap that was... not that it mattered....
Holding up the remains of the guitar he tossed them to the side, "Farewell friend... farewell"
"Vut ze hell are you doing? Are you insane?" The cab driver yelled out as he got out, and Matrim turned towards him and shrugged.
"Actually I think me and her up there agree that I'm God," Matrim said.
"AND WHO IZ SHE THAT SHES CLIMBING LIKE ZAT?!?!?!?"
Matrim looked up and said, "Spiderman. I'm married to spiderman and I couldn't be happier," Matrim said as he walked over to the wall, broken and bleeding slightly from the mouth he punched through brick, and kicked, and punched, crawling his way up, using old punch holes as foot holes, "Don't drop Sara! I love you! It's not worth falling off a roof for!"
He forgot to ever mention he was Matrim, and he just realized he used her name.
Crap now she's really going to think I'm God.....
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