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Post by Shiloh on Feb 6, 2021 14:49:37 GMT -8
As soon as they said it, Shiloh dissolved into tears. She wrapped her arms around WR, burying her face into their hair and sobbing softly. She had cried in Rai's office, but not like this... not the uncontrolled tears of built up agony, not the sobs of years of pain and desperation. She was quivering in their arms.
"I... try. I just... want no one to ever feel like this... I want so bad to l-let everyone know that there's hope, but... how can I? It feels like the w-world is crashing down around me..."
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Post by WR Harthe on Feb 6, 2021 14:59:51 GMT -8
As if the pain was contagious, WR dissolved into Shiloh as she reciprocated their hug. They tightened their hold, and pushed their face into her arm, fighting back their own tears. They sniffled at her pain, and the thoughts of Sylvye that crossed them once again. They wanted nothing more than to hug their sister one more time, before she released her grasp on the world. They wanted to have the chance to embrace her, to let her know they were there for her, to tell her everything was going to be okay... but no matter what they did, what they achieved, or what they became, there was NOTHING they could do to change her fate, and in that moment, that thought broke them.
And now, in Shiloh's arms, they felt like they failed Sylvye, and they felt like they were failing Shiloh, because they didn't know how to help her. Their clenched their fingers around her, their teeth meshed, their eyes sewed shut... but despite the strenuous efforts, tears broke through, and they sobbed softly.
"You can't... you can't help someone if you can't help yourself, and you can't fucking--" They choked up, heaving a deep sigh and shaking their head into her arm. "You can't make everyone happy. You can't take everyone's pain away. So please, focus on you. You fucking matter, okay?"
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Post by Shiloh on Feb 6, 2021 15:03:47 GMT -8
"But... I can..." she whispered, as they clung to each other. She remembered her mom, how she had fallen apart shortly after her parents took them to the new territory, away from war and violence. Zekunft was perfect, if you looked at it from the outside, but it was a hard adjustment for a woman born and raised in the fires of war. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to push away memories of her mom, her beautiful mom, painting away.
"I have to... to believe I can... believe I can inspire, and help people... its all I have left... Its all I've ever wanted to do... be a beacon, and help people be... happy again... and be t-there so they don't have to be... alone..."
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Post by WR Harthe on Feb 6, 2021 15:11:01 GMT -8
WR grit their teeth at that, and they broke away from her, tears streaming down their face. They shoved their hands into their pockets and fought the shivers tearing through their body.
"No, you fucking can't. You CAN help people, but how the hell are you gonna do that if you can't help yourself first? Look at you. Tell me you're in a position to be someone's beacon when you can't even be your own fucking beacon." They growled the last part, sparks practically flying from their teeth.
Then, they sighed softly.
"Look... I get it. I really do. But you're too fucking oblivious. You gotta understand that some things just, aren't possible."
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Post by Shiloh on Feb 6, 2021 15:15:05 GMT -8
Shiloh physically flinched at their words, at the way they said everything, and she pulled back to lean against the counter top. She raised her hands to wipe at the tears, and then looked at WR. She reached out, slowly, hoping they'd let her gently brush her thumb along their cheek, to wipe tears away.
"Because right now, that's all I have left... my belief that I can change the world. Its the only thing that keeps me going in times like these."
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Post by WR Harthe on Feb 6, 2021 15:21:32 GMT -8
WR raised an arm to lightly brush hers away from their face. They shook their head profusely. That angered them a lot more than she probably realized, and not because they thought changing the world was impossible, but because they didn't believe Shiloh was capable, in her current state. The more she tried, the more she was going to break.
"Right, whatever," They scoffed, briefly running an arm over their eyes before crossing it with the other. "Well, you can't do that alone. So make amends with your girlfriend, and hold whoever else you have close. Let them help you, if you're not gonna help yourself."
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Post by Shiloh on Feb 6, 2021 15:24:27 GMT -8
"Why do you talk about the people I care about... as if you're not one of them?" She asked, her question genuine. She turned back to her coffee maker as it beeped, and she began to pour herself a cup.
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