A poor sinner’s hand(admin)

[Avice Locke]

There was nothing for her here absolutely nothing. It drove her absolutely crazy. What she looked for was beyond her reach and that made her insane. What she felt she needed to do was behind her and still beyond her reach and even that was driving her absolutely mad.

Avice was feeling her futures tug her in all directions and she came to conclude she couldn’t have them all. This broke her heart. It darkened her soul and the color in the world felt more gray than when she could see no color at all. It was positively depressing. Her body felt heavy and empty most days. And from time to time she wandered around her borders in a trance which she might wake from after hours of walking. She felt no hunger, more like she didn’t feel the urge to eat, but she felt always thirsty. This too was made her feel unstable, unhinged, demented, crazed, deranged…

She woke from an empty swell today and looked around. She recognized a building. Not because she had seen it before but knew it’s purpose or one of the many it had. A church within a few feet from her and she logically collected thoughts about it in a timely manner. From her land these churches were prominent and the religion hade deep roots in its old days. It started its rise there and spread before it fell with what seemed to be the loss of the power needed by gods. She respected their symbols but she felt the Gods she knew only cheapened the word and titles they carried.

Yet here there was a strong foothold in this singular God all throughout this land. And she knew of at least one Angel in his service resided here. She wondered if maybe there was more power for a god in this Qi-less world when they didn’t have to share the heaven’s above with dragons and the like.

She entered the place, which didn’t kill a damned sinner like herself upon entry. She half believed it might, she wouldn’t lie about that if anyone asked.

She took a pew near the back and looked at the tall and long wooden grand hall. At the end was a carved figure of the sacrificed son upon his crucifix. A starved but handsome figure with its signature holes in its hands and feet. The crown of thorns pierced its skull and all the while she scoffed at herself. It was a pitiful sight and one that brought peace to the believers. Peace of which she couldn’t remember the last time she had known.

No she could… and it brought a painful lump in her chest forth into reality. This sight didn’t bring her peace but she felt at her wits end. She was not religious but she didn’t have anyone else to talk to either.

Her hands came together and they rested on the pew in front of her. “They say your always listening and you always have a plan. Nowhere I look tells me I earn everything I hope for. I want it all and that’s selfish but the sacrifices I may need to make… cause history to repeat itself and my heart to ache. If there is a path I can not see then I beg you to show me, if the paths I do see lead to a better place for my son then give me the strength to choose it regardless if it means I’m included in it or not. The evil I’ve seen is beyond my power and I can not rest easy knowing it’s still a threat to him…” she thought if there was anything else. She tended to ramble and bloat her words but lately she barely can muster much of her usual flare and bravado so she’s close her prayer. “Amen.”

She’d slump back in the pew and remain in silence. Sun shines through pained glass letting the images etched in them cast across the floor at this time of day. Otherwise it was quiet.

[Lucifer]

Echoing footfalls would ring through the otherwise empty church as the well dressed man would enter from the outside world.  The open door spilling in light so bright and brilliant that it was nearly blinding, as if the sun rays themselves were pouring directly into the doorway.  Though no sound save the man's footfalls would grace the church while the door was open.  There would be no sound of cars driving or birds chirping.  Not even the sound of the wind, it was as if they were in their own little world for the moment. 

He strode in not quite like he owned the place, but certainly like he belonged here.  If anything seemed out of the ordinary to him he did not show it in his experience which was serious, though not harsh.  Like someone preparing to go to a scheduled meeting.  His eyes remained forward, never straying to the nearly empty pews as he shuffled and took a spot sitting one row in front of Avice, and one spot to her left.

"I always found the idea of prayer to be an interesting one.  The last refuge of the lost so to speak.  A moment of surrender where one accepts the helplessness of their own situation and how powerless they are to change the world around them, or to find the answers they seek.  Sometimes it can be selfish, but often times it's done out of love, compassion, and in a way courage.  The abandonment of pride one might say."

He'd chuckle a little bit at that.  As if he'd made a funny little joke.  

"You acknowledge that there is a plan and that you can't see everything, but you would ask for it to be changed.  Do you think you do that out of selfishness?"

[Avice Locke]

She turned in her seat and saw the light, heard not of the noise, and for once she was shocked that her theory came to fruition. If she could trust them to be who she was hoping to speak with. Who ever they were they spoke their previous chatter in a voice that sang into her own heart.

Her hands fiddled with themselves. “Yes… I’d have to agree.”

She wanted to treat this person with great respect. She held respect for gods generally. They embodied something that drove its believers and if she respected the cultures and their marvels then she respected the gods that inspired them. Her many travels across old world granted her this humble view. But this was exactly that respect and more. This one answered her, she didn’t believe in this religion as her own nor had she taken any amount of practice to uphold a respectable human being.

“My understanding of “the plan” is in hopes it’s for the betterment of it all. To ask for time and consideration of my own small part in it to be… reconsidered into something that would likely better my own motives can be viewed as a tall order by some.” She exhaled. “But yes my request is not for my benefit. I have a boy that last I had seen he was… so small. I’m not strong enough to get out of this blasted town much less search for him. Then there is the monster that destroyed our world and the thought of it doing so here is enough to keep me awake at night. I just want him to rest peacefully… no cold nights in a field or throwing away ones dignity to eat and earn. I want him to not worry about losing his home. I made the best of my life but I wouldn’t wish it on any child.”

She gave further consideration before speaking again. “I’m not any good at really anything. I think if I try to take it all on myself then I’d only botch it. That has been my track record… I fear even facing the boy. I know I’d do anything to keep a child alive but it don’t mean I know what I’m doing or anything. I’m no good mother, I know of better ones to understand that.” She placed a hand on her necklace. It’s been with her without much significance the whole time.

“Holy Man… do me the favor of letting me rest in this small trinket I keep close to me heart. Give it to my boy if you are able… this is so that is he needs me I’ll be close and until then I want to prepare him a bit of hope.” She unlatched the necklace from her neck. “Should you ask anything of me in return I’ll fulfill it.”