The Truth...

[Deleted]

((OoC: Come and witness how truly frail Saint is...))

Three days since the attack of the false Greek gods on public high school 259. Three days since Saint had lost consciousness. For those three days he lay in a hospital, the minor burns on his torso and hand wrapped in gauze. The doctors thought he would have awaken after only a day but when the boy did not further tests were run. The final conclusion was that his prolonged unconscious state was a psychosomatic response of some kind and that Saint would only awaken when his mind dealt with whatever was going on… days… or years. His mother had visited everyday, trying to get him to wake up, and wanting to make sure when he did, she was there. But on the fifth day on Saint’s “rest” Clear had to run over to UCLA to handle a problem that had come up with one of her classes leaving Saint alone in the room…

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White… nothing but white… blinding white light surrounded Saint. Dazed and confused he stumbled through this blinding abyss. His bearings thrown completely, he shouted desperately into the light.

“Hello?”
…
“Hello?!”
Hello.
“Who’s there?”
Who’s there.
“Anybody?!”
Anybody.
“It’s just an echo…”
“No… it’s not.”

Gripped with a sudden fear Saint spun around to see an eight year old boy sitting on the ground playing with something. The white abyss stopped spinning as he approached the boy, who he soon recognized to be himself. Glancing about in slight paranoia Saint stopped a feet away for his childhood form before him. “Where am I? What’s going on?”

“Tee Hee! You are here…silly…” The child giggled dementedly in response, turning over his shoulder with a face that chilled Saint to his bones. Could this child really be him? No… it couldn’t, it wasn’t… but he that feeling remained despite his best efforts to shake it for within him. He shifted slightly onto his left foot to try and see what this child was playing with but the boy remained in the way.

“Why am I here? What happened?”
“We lost…”
“…Lost?”
“The power to purify eluded us… for now…”
“What are you talking about?!”
“You saw them too… the false gods of fire… the purity…”

Suddenly Saint remembered the school, the two men dressed as Greek gods that attacked the school, the burnt students. The child spun around dangling a string of scorched dolls that resembled a group of children… and one adult. As young Saint moved toward the older and confused counterpart, he tied the string into a small necklace, smiling all the while.

“We would have their power… then… a cleansing fire would have swept throughout the school and city. But you just had to fight me… didn’t you… Saint? HA! What a farce!”
“I-I… wh-what’re…what’re…”
“I am your true self… the one sent to save this world… the “demon” you fear. I am the one you repressed so long ago in your pathetic frailties. Once we join as one… this world shall be returned to the form it was intended for… the form God wishes us to create.”
“No… it’s not true… it’s not true.”
“How can you be sure, child? What do you know? Nothing… you do not even know who you are… how could you be sure of anything?”
“No… no… stop it… stop it.”
“Hahahahaha! You’ll never escape me… you’ll never escape you… and who really are…Hah-”
“STOP IT!”

The white light that surrounded them crashed, leaving Saint to sink into darkness...

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Sweat glistened the panicked expression as Saint suddenly awoke in his hospital bed. Frantically the boy sprung from his bed toward the corner of the room, eyes darting back forth in clear paranoia. He was panting heavily, his heart raced within his chest. Slowly everything started to fall into its proper place, the momentary excitement receding but the images of that dream remained fresh, shadowing at the back of his mind. Saint curled in on himself as he dropped to the ground, becoming nothing more than a trouble ball in to corner.

[chihiro]

Chi was in the hospital again. Not as a patient, no, but a visitor. Seeings as it was one of her mother's second most often visited places in California, Chihiro found herself here quite a lot. But instead of wasting away in the dark, stuffy room her mother holes herself up in when she's here, the dark haired girl would often take to the halls and just observe the happenings around her. Smile when a child brings her grandparent a 'get well' balloon, frown sadly when someone's wheeled in with visible wounds all over their body. Things like that.

She had just turned the corner when something caught her attention. Someone in one of the rooms seemed to be freaking out. Warily, the young girl leaned in the doorway to see if something was wrong, a frown upon her delicate features. The bed was empty, but clearly it had been occupied before. Dark eyes scanned the room until landing on a figure curled up in the corner. He was bandaged up and apparently disoriented, as his eyes seemed as large as saucerplates. She took a hesitant step toward the doorway, yet still remaining on the outside.

"Uh...are you alright?"

Her voice echoed her hesitance, yet carried that sympathetic and slightly concerned note in it. Empathy. Something strange to Chihiro, but not all humanity was a deranged as she thought it to be. Some people just need to be helped.

[Deleted]

((OoC: Yay! Someone replied! ^_^))

Shaking in a paranoiac fear, Saint’s hands gripped in side of his head as though he was trying to pull the thoughts out through his skull. The oh-so-familiar melody of an insane child singing, the feel of a straight jacket tightening around him, that child still laughing. Internally Saint was pleading with God for an answer, why him? Why did he have these thoughts? These supposed memories? What did he do to deserve this?! Yet, nothing came, no answer, no explanation, just the horrors bombarding him. It was a sight to see, though if any doctor witnessed it… well Saint would be on his way to the place he feared. A mental hospital was one hospital staff member noticing away from happening. Dead to the world, he mumbled to himself, but his voice grew louder as time past.

“Stop… it’s not me… no… leave me alone… it’s not true… can’t be… leave me alone. Leave me alone!”

A thought struck the boy suddenly, halting his deranged mumbling. What if… what if it was all true? The visions of fire, the visions of dead bodies… everything that haunted his dreams. If he simply accepted what that child said to be true, it all made sense. But, that meant… Tear began to pour down the sides of his face with the epiphany. He was a monster. Lifting his head, he finally noticed the girl standing in the room doorway. She seemed concerned… but why… he. He buried his head in his arms, his legs folded against his chest as he sat in the corner. Muffled, but audible, Saint sobbingly admitted everything… to himself, and anyone who could hear.

“I’m a monster.”

[chihiro]

Chihiro cringed as the boy gripped at the sides of his head violently, she didn't like the sight of self-imposed injury even if he wasn't aware of it at the time. The commotion didn't just attract her attention though, soon a nurse appeared in the doorway, a syringe in her hand. It wasn't hard for her to guess what was in that vial, tranquilizers. Yikes, the dark haired girl thought to herself, and she almost let the woman through when the boy finally spoke up. I'm a monster. There was something in his voice, the dejected hopelessness that spurred something in her and she placed her hand on the doorframe, blocking the woman's way.

"There's no need for that, I can help."

The woman opened her mouth to protest, and Chi had a flashing thought about repressing those they deem nuisances or unstable with temporarily 'cures' like tranquilizers. It made her sick.

'But he-'

"If anything goes wrong, I'll contact you, alright?"

She interrupted, and with the slightest of pushes, steered the woman back out of the room. Once she was gone, re turned her attention back on the boy, approaching him slowly, her ballet flats barely making a sound on the tiled floor. She stopped right in front of him, crouching down until they were eyelevel. She was far enough away to be able to jump away if he lashed out at her, but she thought it'd be easier if he didn't think she was looking down on him.

"Why are you a monster?"

She asked, her voice was soft and almost musical in it's concern, almost as if she were speaking to a child, almost. The last thing she wanted to do was spook him.

[Deleted]

Slowly Saint glanced up toward the girl who was now before him, beyond was the nurse, leaving but he knew why she had come even in his traumatized state. Her question… it dumbfounded him. How could he answer? She could never see the images that flashed before his eyes, the sounds that haunted him. Images of charred children, the woman dangling by a cord that had begun the slice into her neck, men and women coming after him. The pain filled screams that resounding with is ears at night, the prevented chuckles that made him cringe. Who could cope with having such things imprinted in their psyche? Add to that, the fact that Saint did not know what they meant, where they came from… or even who he really was. Resting his head on his knees, the tears still flowing freely, Saint struggled to say something.

“…I… I… its all my fault… everything… all those kids…”

This feeling, remorse or fear, compelled Saint to find someway out, someway to stop this pain. There was one way, if he did something to bring the nurse back, he would be on his way to a place where he couldn’t hurt anyone. Best of all they would keep in a state where nothing would register, he could be free from this torment. Unfortunately his only way to bring her back was the girl before, the one who was being so kind. He wouldn’t hurt her, just scare her enough. Slowly Saint got himself ready to pounce but just as he was about carry out his act of desperation, that voice came back. Child Saint had returned with the sickening chuckle that echoed in the pillar’s head and froze his body.

Finally excepting your true self… that is great. I’d like nothing more than to rip this whore apart but since I know what your planning darling, I’m gonna have to stop you… or help you. I think if you stop rejecting me, Zachariah Blu Rose could send a good twenty people to the hell they belong in before he gets stopped.

Again, gripped with a fear, Saint slumped back into the corner. His arms wrapping around the top of his buried head as he wept softly.

“leave me alone…”

[chihiro]

“…I… I… its all my fault… everything… all those kids…”

Kids? Chi wondered, had something happened? Of course, to have such a dramatic effect on this boy, and apparently he blamed himself. Or had he really done something? She leaned back away from him, her eyes widening as he appeared to be prepaing to pounce. She wasn't stupid, and wasn't naive to what some people could do when they're, well, deranged. She leaned back, but remained balanced on her footing as she crouched in front of him, her hands on her knees. She frowned sadly and felt her dark chocolate eyes mist a bit as she watched him cry. It was so sad. He crumpled back up and begged her to leave him alone, but she was determined to at least try to help a little bit before the nurse tried to barge back in with the needle.

"I'm sure it isn't..."

She replied in the same tone, ignoring his plea.

[Deleted]

Again, she tried to comfort him. Why? Why did so try? What could she reason could she possibly have for doing this? Lifting his head slightly, Saint peered downward at his bare feet, his disfigured seemingly staring him back in the face. His mother had told him that, when he was little, he had been walking along a grouping of seaside rocks and lost his footing. That caused his feet to slip in between the rocks, his toes getting caught and broken in the process. She said the doctors tried to set them but the toes were to severely broken to fix properly. Was that a lie? How could he tell whether it was or not? Everything he had ever been told about his past was now in question… every little detail. The merger assurance he had about who he was… gone.

“How would you know? How would you know if it wasn’t? How could anybody?!”

Saint almost shouted at her out of frustration. The small bit of anger quickly receded back into self-pity when he realized her eyes had begun to mist. Replacing his head back within the protective cradle of his knees, the freshman wanted to apologize. She didn’t deserve that, she was trying to help. With a heavy sigh, the boy gathered himself together long enough to so before falling back into his introspective world.

“…sorry…”

[chihiro]

Chi drew back a bit from the boy, a shocked and slightly fearful look on her face when he began to yell at her. He was angry, angry and afraid. But of what? Just like that, he withdrew again, his face disappearing behind his knees. He appeared to be the same age as her, not a little kid and not an adult. All at once, Chi became discouraged. What was she trying to be, the hero? Leapinginto a room with an unstable boy, just assuming she could solve everything? Wrong. She prepeared to stand again, frowning, when the boy poke again from his fetal position. She paused, staring at him for a moment, half poised as if ready to stand when she changed her mind. He appologized, which means he was at least partially aware of his surroudings. It was a start.

"I-it's okay.."

She replied to his appology, her voice only tremblingon the first syllable as she recovered her resolve.

"But you're right, I don't know...I don't know anything about you, much less your name, so it would be easy to assume that I can't help at all. And maybe I can't, but that doesn't mean I can't try."

[Deleted]

Saint listened carefully to her speech, but it was strange. He remained in his curled position with eyes downcast toward the floor in front of him. Noticing the hesitation in her voice, he didn’t want her to leave anymore. If she left it would only be a matter of time before the nurse came with the needle, then onto the mental asylum for who knows how long. Was it fear that brought this change about? Yes, fear of that voice in the back of his head, if he did become what his inner-self threatened than people would get hurt again because of him. That was something Saint wanted to prevent. He had to try and remember that she was trying to help him… and he needed help.

“Why? Why try at all?”

The boy questioned softly. Though it was ironic. When he had been tutoring students, he did so to help them, give them a better chance to succeed. He had wanted to help people now he needed help. Everything had flipped and turned backwards. All the while, he made no sudden movements like he was dealing with a mouse. But when you are a monster, everything becomes a mouse.

[chihiro]

The dark haired girl remained silent for a moment, a thoughtful frown in place as she watched him. Why try? She had asked herself that question so many times. With her mother, always in and out of her intoxicated catatonia, her father's cold pride, why even try? Dark eyes cast downward at the prim white tiles for a long moment, before slowly raising back up to the curled up boy, her narrow shoulders raising and lowering in a sort of half hearted shrug..

"I...I guess because once you stop trying, everything becomes hopeless."



((ooc: ugh sorry for shortness ;P))

[Deleted]

((Itsalright))

“Hopeless…”

Saint repeated quietly to himself when she answered. It was such an ugly word. Hopeless… such a simple combination of two syllables that could crush someone’s spirit so completely. Certain words had such power, hopeless being one of them, crazy, pathetic, useless, and every word that carried the same meaning as those. They left the target with nothing, a feeling no having no way out. And now, Saint felt as though all could be applied to him… every single one. Perhaps if he stopped himself from thinking such a way… what did it matter? Slowly the boy shifted his gaze toward the girl, the tears had slowed but still trickled down the sides of his face for his dull green eyes.

“Am I… hopeless?”

[chihiro]

Once again, Chi was silent for a moment. This was such a philosophical conversation, it really made her think. Was he hopeless? He seemed to think so, she could tell by the way she repeated his last word. But did that make him so? Her pouty lips pursed a bit and one of her eyes narrowed the slightest of fractions as she considered this. She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it, trying to think of a way to respond.

"Do you think you are?"

She asked, tilting her head to the right, dark eyes still watching him. It made sense, if he thought he was hopeless, then nothing could change his mind, and once someone's mind was set on something, it was bound to come true. It was a psychological thing, something too many people found themselves victim to.

[Deleted]

Saint watched her begin to respond but she said nothing and closed her mouth. Did she think he was but was afraid he’d hurt her if she said yes? Why else would she start then stop? Then the response turned out to be a question posed back at him. That was it, she didn’t want to tell him because he might snap. But if she did why go through all this? Saint’s mind kept jumping back and forth trying to figure everything out, was he… did he think so… did she… it was all so confusing. Shifting his head back toward the ground in a dejected manner, the boy spoke with that same feeling.

“I… don’t know.”

The tears had finally stopped, leaving Saint’s cheeks soaked and his eyes glassy from left over moisture. He started to think that… he needed to do something, anything, whatever would take his mind off his confusing. It needed to be something that could hold his attention and prevent him from thinking to much. But first, he would need to get out of the hospital.

[chihiro]

"I...don't know."

Of course he was confused. I hadn't really been fair of her to pose such question at him. She tucked a strand of her long dark hair behind her ear, it had fallen into her face.

"Well, you shouldn't. There's always hope."

She stated matter of factly. She rested her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hand. Crouching like this was beginning to hurt a bit, so she tried to become a bit more comfortable. She couldn't exactly sit on the floor in a miniskirt, so she settled with resting her chin in her hand. Chihiro was beginning to become quite curious in this boy now, she wanted to ask him so many questions, but all in due time. She was just pleased that his eyes were beginning to dry a bit. It was a small step, but a better one than any tranquilizer could manage.

[Deleted]

There’s always hope. That simple phrase had a small comforting effect on Saint. Mostly because it felt like, at least partially, someone might believe in him… even he didn’t. A small smile finally broke his grim features as he rested his head on his knees, as he thought about it. Even if what that child said was true, he had hope, hope to change. That was enough. With a deep breath, Saint slowly got to his feet in preparation to get out of the hospital. He didn’t know exactly how he was going to get out but he needed to, this place just seemed too… foreboding. Not to mention there was a nurse waiting to stick a needle in him. The boy nodded politely to the girl who had helped him, more than she probably knew.

“Thank you… for everything. But I need to get out of here and do… something. You can come if you want…”

With the offer made, Saint went to get his clothes from the closet so he could change out of the hospital gown. It would be hard not to notice someone of his height leaving in the hospital gown. He stepped behind a little curtain as he changed into his usual attire of a black tight shirt, white leggings, and his coat that covered most of his body. Slipping on his shoes, Saint grabbed the rest of his effects before coming out from behind the curtain. His hair was still a mess as he put his golden cross about his neck, the red headband and hair tie hanging from his coat pocket. Properly dressed, all Saint needed to do was figure out how to get out of his room without being noticed, especially after his display.