zane

[Zack Asiv]

wow, wow, wow.

Ok, I'm not a detail whore, and god knows I've let some little profiles go... But.

We need a bit more detail.

History needs some detail, more than words spoken.

And please fix your stats. Check board rules and history for that.

Stat cap is 30 I believe. Please make the bio alittle.. More, I'll help you if need be, just drop me a PM.

[meigan]

Alright, tip time, as I agree your bio needs a bit of work:

*Develop your idea of Zane vs Matsu. There are currently 2 other schizophrenia/split personality players on the board...so what makes yours different? How does the split personality work? When does it occur? Why did it happen in the first place (why did the gang kill his family?)? This can also help to extend your history and bio.

*Explain your fighting style. Right now it just looks like words 70% of people aren't likely to understand. What is it? Where did it originate? How did Zane start studying it? Why?

*I don't mean to be a spelling or grammar whore, but try using spell check. If you have firefox, there's a button right at the top of the window, and often misspelled words will be underlined in red in your actual typing window. This is a roleplay board after all, focusing on writing to get your point across. You don't need to be able to spell everything right, but you need to be able to be understood.

*If you don't want to write paragraphs upon paragraphs for your history, feel free to use bullets or something, and place it in a timeline-like order. Like Asiv said, it needs to be a little more in depth than just colors and speech. In the beginning I didn't even know who was talking or why.

Feel free to drop a PM If you don't understand something.