Post by Bastille Amtrum on Aug 21, 2008 20:04:00 GMT -8
-Stupid hormones…. (part 1 of 3)
: Mathew.
[for pure comical purposes…>.<]
If I had a choice. I would have skipped all my high school/ teenage years long, long ago. I don’t need them, never have, and defiantly never will. I was always more mature then that, more braced for the real world and adult hood and so all those transition years or learning to be responsible about ones self and the world around them…completely unnecessary.
But here I was, dealing with it all, even the worst. So if men thought girls didn’t have sex dreams. THEY WHERE COMPLETELY WRONG!
Last night of all the nights to actually get a good night sleep it was the night I had a dream about men. Usually I had nightmares that caused me to wake quickly. However here I was having a semi…well pleasurable dream for once and it of course had to include the bastard I as of right now hated most.
The dream started nicely. I was at the beach soaking up the warm rays as the poured over my muscles. At least that’s what I thought. Suddenly I felt arms embrace me. They where warm and it was if I was freezing or something because between him and the sun I still couldn’t get enough warmth. Being even stupider I had to whisper I was cold. Who the HELL tells people they are cold…it only asks for worse things.
I couldn’t see his face as he slowly moved my body to feel more warm. And well as you can guess hormones decided it would be nice to kick in and they went raging. I lost myself in my pursuit for heat…and then I saw his face…AND I DIDN’T CARE!!!!
I reminded myself to go to the insane asylum and check myself in. Me not caring is the worst sort of joke ever. But I had the dream, oh yes I had it, and I hated it. My face was tomato red in the morning and yet ugggggh. Gross! I had forced my way through breakfast ignoring Homi. I had to think. Had to find away to stay as far and psychically possible from Mathew Amtrum today. Bummer for him I was finally doing everything he asked me too. They weren’t really bad chores, and he was kind of nice when I did what he asked.
Sometimes he would kiss me as a reward and well…his lips felt nice…UGH NO STOP!!!! I was not aloud to day dream. I wouldn’t even be able to look at him this morning without cringing. And thinking about the way his muscles moved and ugh, all of it was a bad idea. I wanted to cry. This was so stupid and yet every pour in my body yearned…and then I started looking at skirts and thinking how it would be if I showed my legs for once. Homi thankfully told me it would be cold and shorts and skirts where probably not an option.
With her saving also came a bad idea,…I started thinking about his warmth again and had to go into the bathroom to flush my face with water again. Stupid stupid stupid.
I was mature, I could handle this, this was only my body telling me it’s personal reason for existing, and Darwin’s theory right? I would just have to ignore it. BUT I COULDN’T. I could ignore everything else. But lust…such a disgusting ugly sin!!!
The fire that raged between us was hate. Or rather disproval in his case I would think. I got the impression he only liked to have me around because I was good at cleaning shoes. But no matter the case the heat, I was learning, was from a different feeling and not hate. I wanted him. I refused to think the word need. But no matter the case thinking about this was insane. I should just forget it.
But how does one forget a dream when they’ve had nothing but nightmares for a long time. His arms wrapped around my waist warm and if you can believe it tender, yet his lips moving with ferocity…the feelings that had ran through my body felt so real. My limbs had all been relaxed yet wanting nothing more then to be closer to him. To grab closer. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..
I HAD TO STOP THAT! It was not right. Simply not the way my world or my point of view of it had worked and I refused to change that now. And yet I had never had these feelings before. Hence why I was probably sassing but I couldn’t stand it. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing that faint tint of pink on my cheeks. I hadn’t looked in the mirror in a long time. I was there….short for my age, but still very mature. My breasts where perfectly curved with my hips and bodes. Even in cloths, which I wore a baggy t-shirt and jeans, seemed to still accent my being a woman nicely. I had to admit…I was attractive…and that thought made me want to spit.
But to be wanted…well id been wanted before. But truly yearned for with such emotion…I knew Mathew didn’t feel that way. The thought made me sad…and then I got angry. WHY DID I CARE…..it was all because of these stupid hormones.
Wanting, needing, and believing in anyone that much was just not an option. It was a dream, and nothing more.
: Mathew.
[for pure comical purposes…>.<]
If I had a choice. I would have skipped all my high school/ teenage years long, long ago. I don’t need them, never have, and defiantly never will. I was always more mature then that, more braced for the real world and adult hood and so all those transition years or learning to be responsible about ones self and the world around them…completely unnecessary.
But here I was, dealing with it all, even the worst. So if men thought girls didn’t have sex dreams. THEY WHERE COMPLETELY WRONG!
Last night of all the nights to actually get a good night sleep it was the night I had a dream about men. Usually I had nightmares that caused me to wake quickly. However here I was having a semi…well pleasurable dream for once and it of course had to include the bastard I as of right now hated most.
The dream started nicely. I was at the beach soaking up the warm rays as the poured over my muscles. At least that’s what I thought. Suddenly I felt arms embrace me. They where warm and it was if I was freezing or something because between him and the sun I still couldn’t get enough warmth. Being even stupider I had to whisper I was cold. Who the HELL tells people they are cold…it only asks for worse things.
I couldn’t see his face as he slowly moved my body to feel more warm. And well as you can guess hormones decided it would be nice to kick in and they went raging. I lost myself in my pursuit for heat…and then I saw his face…AND I DIDN’T CARE!!!!
I reminded myself to go to the insane asylum and check myself in. Me not caring is the worst sort of joke ever. But I had the dream, oh yes I had it, and I hated it. My face was tomato red in the morning and yet ugggggh. Gross! I had forced my way through breakfast ignoring Homi. I had to think. Had to find away to stay as far and psychically possible from Mathew Amtrum today. Bummer for him I was finally doing everything he asked me too. They weren’t really bad chores, and he was kind of nice when I did what he asked.
Sometimes he would kiss me as a reward and well…his lips felt nice…UGH NO STOP!!!! I was not aloud to day dream. I wouldn’t even be able to look at him this morning without cringing. And thinking about the way his muscles moved and ugh, all of it was a bad idea. I wanted to cry. This was so stupid and yet every pour in my body yearned…and then I started looking at skirts and thinking how it would be if I showed my legs for once. Homi thankfully told me it would be cold and shorts and skirts where probably not an option.
With her saving also came a bad idea,…I started thinking about his warmth again and had to go into the bathroom to flush my face with water again. Stupid stupid stupid.
I was mature, I could handle this, this was only my body telling me it’s personal reason for existing, and Darwin’s theory right? I would just have to ignore it. BUT I COULDN’T. I could ignore everything else. But lust…such a disgusting ugly sin!!!
The fire that raged between us was hate. Or rather disproval in his case I would think. I got the impression he only liked to have me around because I was good at cleaning shoes. But no matter the case the heat, I was learning, was from a different feeling and not hate. I wanted him. I refused to think the word need. But no matter the case thinking about this was insane. I should just forget it.
But how does one forget a dream when they’ve had nothing but nightmares for a long time. His arms wrapped around my waist warm and if you can believe it tender, yet his lips moving with ferocity…the feelings that had ran through my body felt so real. My limbs had all been relaxed yet wanting nothing more then to be closer to him. To grab closer. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..
I HAD TO STOP THAT! It was not right. Simply not the way my world or my point of view of it had worked and I refused to change that now. And yet I had never had these feelings before. Hence why I was probably sassing but I couldn’t stand it. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing that faint tint of pink on my cheeks. I hadn’t looked in the mirror in a long time. I was there….short for my age, but still very mature. My breasts where perfectly curved with my hips and bodes. Even in cloths, which I wore a baggy t-shirt and jeans, seemed to still accent my being a woman nicely. I had to admit…I was attractive…and that thought made me want to spit.
But to be wanted…well id been wanted before. But truly yearned for with such emotion…I knew Mathew didn’t feel that way. The thought made me sad…and then I got angry. WHY DID I CARE…..it was all because of these stupid hormones.
Wanting, needing, and believing in anyone that much was just not an option. It was a dream, and nothing more.