Post by Kevala Badoer on Oct 11, 2009 20:55:44 GMT -8
The End??
She sat there, those eyes staring at the razor which now rested on the coffee table before her. She had come home and grabbed it without thinking. Tears streaming down her face as she trembled in fear and pain.
How could they do this to her?
What had she ever done to them?
These thoughts running through her mind as she carried that beautiful symbol of release toward the couch. But then she had stopped. Her mind going to thoughts of them<3 and of the happiness he gave her whenever he was near. That alone had given her enough time to reconsider what she had been about to do.
So she had set the thing down onto the table and fallen back onto the couch. Which is where she still remained. She leaned back, a soft cry of protest escaping her as the pain shot through her back once more. There were no marks. HE was good at that. HE had never left marks when he came at her with that blasted piece of leather. But the pain was felt all the way through her muscles and into her spine. Tears again threatened to fill her eyes, biting them back, refusing to show emotion. Not again. She was not going to cry over them again tonight. Not about to let them affect her this way when she was once more safe in her own home.
SAFE?
Was there really such a thing?
When the ones who you trusted to love you and keep you SAFE were the ones who beat you down and wished you dead?
No, there was no such thing as SAFE. There was only the illusion of it. Something from fairy tales. Something that children were led to believe in so that they would sleep at night. But in the real world, the one she and everyone else lived in. The idea of being SAFE was lost. It was a myth, the untouchable dream.
She shook her head, drawing in a deep breath as she ran her tongue over her lips. Wincing at the pain from the cut to the inside of her cheek. Another gift. One HE knew would not show on her flesh. That would be a tragedy. To let others see what it was HE did to the one thing HE was supposed to hold dear. But then, that was why she had been born was it not? To be there when HE got angry? To stand and take the beating while her sister was spared?
How many times when they were children had her sister done something, and she gotten the beating for it?
More times than she could count. More times than she could remember this night.
Many times, she had begged them to stop, but the pain just kept assaulting her until she was laying there unable to move upon the floor. The sounds of them yelling at her to get up, still echoed in her ears.
She brought her hands up and covered her ears. The sounds so loud in her mind she could swear she heard them. Heard the sounds of her cries as she was thrown onto her bed and the door was slammed shut. Locking her in. There would be no food, no drink, no nothing til in the morning. If she was lucky.
Nobody knew how bad it was. Not even him<3. She could never let anyone know what it had been like for her growing up. Nobody would believe her. They would think her a liar. Some pathetic girl who wanted attention and nothing more.
So she kept it to herself. Locked it away and hid it within herself. Dark corners of her mind that only she dared to visit.
Everyday the darkness would spread. Eating away at a little more of her mind. Until one day the darkness would consume her. She knew this, and yet, there was nothing she could do to stop it.
There were only two things in this world that brought light into her darkness. Two things which gave her any purpose at all. And it was these two things that kept her hand from extending out and picking up that cold steel blade and bringing it across her wrists.
Two things that kept her from ending it all. Ending the pain, the suffering, the hurt that filled every part of her soul, save the part that they themselves owned.
But what good was she to them? What good was she to him<3? She was darkness and they were light.
She could not stand the thought of spreading her darkness to them. It would kill her surely as the razor on the table would.
To live selfishly and swallow their light until they had nothing left to give?
Or to end it all, and allow them to be free of her darkness?
It was then that the tears began to swim in her eyes. This time allowed to come as she trembled softly, her hands coming to her face to allow her to sob gently into them. Even in this she could not decide what to do.
Why could she not simply decide if this was indeed the end??
