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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 16, 2009 23:48:10 GMT -8
Fade back to a few hours ago........Gabriel had abandoned her. She had pushed him away............she had broken...........she had gone to her room.............made a choice..........and died...........The large man threw the small, fragile girl into the arms of the first doctor he saw. Demanding he save her. Fear and rage on the mans face as he did such. Towels wrapped about her wrists where he had tried to stop the bleeding...Her breathing was shallow, barely even a whisper of breath being drawn in. So little so that there was no movement from her chest as the doctor rushed her into the ER..... Hours passed.....Long tiresome hours for the large man who stayed seated outside the operating room. Blood covering his chest and arms. His hands coated in it............... Now it was just a matter of waiting.............. ---------------------------------------------------- Finally they would manage to save her, though it was unclear if she would ever really be the same......whatever had led her to this would most likely still haunt her when she awoke. But she was in her room now, her arms restrained to keep her from doing something like this again.....Not that she cared.......When she woke all she could think was Why am I not dead? I just want to be dead! No tears left to cry, nothing left in her.....she did not try and pull away from those restraints...simply laid there......... looking out the window......... Not even noticing the big guy that was still covered in her blood and seated in the corner of the room. Determined not to leave her there. Not about to let this happen again........... But honestly..........was she even really there anymore? 
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Post by Gabriel Seran on Dec 16, 2009 23:54:57 GMT -8
Gabriel had been there since night fall, a security guard had stumbled upon her bleeding herself out. Gabriel had made a mistake just like he had with Olivia, that girl had overdosed on sleeping pills because she couldn't live in this world. That was the day Gabriel made his solemn vow. It still held true today it was just a few kinks in his motivation now as people continued to die in his wake. It disturbed him greatly. Why did he have to care so much?
Gabriel leaned back having fallen asleep in the chair next to Kevala's bed side his attention oblivious on many galaxies far away from here where things were less cruel and he could for once be happy and truly smile.
Instead he was left to worry in a nightmarish world driven into sleep as the sole escape.
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 17, 2009 0:02:03 GMT -8
She did not move, she just laid there, sleeping when she felt like it and then awaking to look out the window. She could feel a dull throb of emotions but she ignored them.
They were tricks to make her believe he was there. She would not give into them and look around. Make herself only regret that she had failed at this to.
No, she would remain there. Silent as always. Not a sound from her mind or anywhere around her.
Softly breathing as she thought over how she could go about finishing her goal.
Goal: Die.......
There was no point in going on....she just had to be patient...she would be able to pull this off soon enough..it just took time......
Finally she would be forced to shift her head when the doctor came in to check on her.
Those icy hues falling over that sleeping form and instantly tears filled her eyes......as once more.......she shattered.......
Had he come to tell her how she was weak, worthless, what? What more could she give to him that she had not already?
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Post by seishounohana on Dec 17, 2009 8:10:37 GMT -8
The heart was a fragile, fragile thing.
It was made out of glass; beautiful, elegant, but fragile.
It is by loving that people start to become hurt.
It is by this pain, that people become miserable.
It is by this misery that causes hate.
In Emily's case, her love was deep enough not to devolve into something like hate, or something akin to that... but it could be just as painful...
... if not more, considering the circumstances of Emily's own relationship with the German.
But here she was, staring with concerned eyes at a chart that was just endorsed to her this day. And honestly, what was written in the nurse's notes, not to mention the little chit-chattering around the nurse's lounge, did not help quell the young nurse's concern.
Her friend was in need of help. There was only little Emily could offer, all considering that she herself had been a victim of the emotional crisis a man had put her through.
Emily took a breath as she entered the room, a smile in her face as she was quite incapable of showing other emotions as of yet. Kevala would know the reason why, and she trusted with all her heart that she kept it to herself...
Emily's eyes fell onto Gabriel, who was sleeping, and she frowned. What the heck was he doing here? She nudged him a bit and if he woke up, she would jerk her head towards the door, as if mentioning for him to leave.
He was, honestly, the last person she should see right now. Closure was needed at this point, especially in Kevala's state of mind; or at least that was what Emily figured as her first independent move in nursing diagnostics.
If he wouldn't leave, she would make him leave; if he cared enough for Kevala, he should.
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Post by Gabriel Seran on Dec 17, 2009 15:40:52 GMT -8
Gabriel wasn't all too ecstatic to see Emily here he could already sense that disapproving look in her eyes, but she knew nothing of him. Gabriel may have been in Regalia but he was not stupid enough to fall into a secular form of thought and did not see her as quite the leader he was hoping to. It seemed all she was equipped was in detailed forms of dividing people he could already see her plans going to work with what foresight he had. Already as he'd originally hoped her ideals and old goals as Militia and forming more unity turning into a Matriarchy, that was something he would not see in this lifetime. But he'd bear it and hope there was the potential for her to change otherwise all his plans would progress to the next stage. And making Gabriel an enemy was certainly not what one wanted.
Turning over he'd flash her a fierce glare as if her suggestion for him to leave was unwarranted and he'd demand a better reason, he may have been at fault for this but he'd be damned if someone was to solve his problems. Because it was his burden alone, he would see them through to the very end.
Coming to a stand Gabriel would emanate a shadow in her direction as he towered over the small girl. No he'd not fight her here it was not the purpose of this and he didn't want more blood on his hands. Rather he'd progress which was the objective. Two loyalties one more pressing than the other. Regalia and his allegiance, and his fated course and the one he knew would surpass him. Yes that was his goal.
Gabriel would shift without a word pulling loose a sheet of paper. On it he'd scribble a brief passage before turning to Kevala's bedside. He tried wearing a smile but it came out into a grimace. He couldn't look at her right now feeling far too much guilt. In his hand he'd stuff the paper exchanging it briefly into hers as his lips brushed the side of her head arching towards her ear.
"I won't be far... If you need me I'll be here." He'd say in a whisper, holding her hand with the paper there moving it slowly towards her heart.
Letting go without the paper he'd turn out the door not showing any signs of emotion, none of that hostility before and no signs of care. As if everything was numb to him.
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 17, 2009 15:53:05 GMT -8
She had eventually turned her head away from him, once more turning to look out the window. Though her mind ceased to wander. Instead it would simply remain empty. Devoid of any emotion but pain.
Suddenly another person was here and the emotions from this one were...almost as empty as her own. They were vacant as though they had shut down.
Emily...........
She did not need to turn to see who it was, instead she would just lay there, her little hands remaining in place thanks to the straps that held them down.
Not that she would have tried to move anyways. But then there was anger, guilt, annoyance......
Gabriel was awake...........
Some part of her longed to see him, but the rest of her was not dumb enough to think that the instant her eyes fell upon him there would be no pain. No, it would only make it worse.
She could not have that...she already wished death....to see him look at her as though she was nothing would only make that need all the more apparent.
But then his shadow fell over her, his hand going to her and feeling a piece of paper pushed into it......Though she showed nothing. Not even the usual signs of happiness as she felt his lips brush against her head. No, she could not bring herself to hope......
Then he spoke.......
And despite it all, her heart sped up the slightest bit.....A single tear managing to escape down the side of her face as she hung on those words.......
Then he was gone.........Leaving the room to her and Emily.
She made no effort to look to the girl. Nor did she try to speak. She did not think she could.
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Post by seishounohana on Dec 17, 2009 19:48:09 GMT -8
Division or Unity, honestly, was none of Emily's business; or even part of her capabilities. Her people skills were not like "Unfettered"'s own. Emily was not sure that she was going to change anything with the creation of Regalia; there were no promises.
If anything, she still believed deeply that it would be by "Unfettered"'s hand that the system will change. As to what change, she didn't exactly care - she believed in him and the kindness she had initially experienced from him.
But he left her anyways, didn't he?
Emily smiled. Not because she wanted to, but that was the only emotion her body recognized. Every other one was gone; or at least locked away. Kevala was a witness to how that had happened but---
Emily watched as Gabriel left, quietly apologizing for what must be done. Kevala would not exactly require his apologies for her to move on, but rather, she would need him to merely understand.
They (Emily and Kevala) understood that loving them ("Unfettered" and Gabriel) meant pain.
They understood quite well that the Captains were sinking with their ships.
What they fail to understand, was that these two were willing to sink along with them out of love. There was no return of feelings required.
Emily sat down beside Kevala, laying down the chart on the table. "Kev, what happened?" She asked, her voice displaying care and gentleness even though her face was unable to show the concern she wanted to convey.
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 17, 2009 20:01:03 GMT -8
Kev's eyes fell upon the girl as she moved to take a seat beside her, her hands gripping that paper Gabriel had handed her. Not sure what it said and not caring. She was not about to let it slip from her grasp.
Then Emily would speak and the words formed in Kev's mind to reply, but when she tried to speak them, the refused to come. That blank little stare going out the window as she again tried, hoping if she focused as she had learned to do in order to block the pain, that the task would be easier.
And it was....slightly.......
But instead of all the words her mind had formed...the only thing that could leave her lips was a weak and broken reply.
"He abandoned me"
She WANTED to say that she had given him her heart. She wanted to say that he had done the thing he promised her he would never do. She wanted to say many things...but that was all she could manage.
Those dull blue eyes turning once more to look at Emily, though she said nothing more. No emotion shown in her face or eyes. Nothing but pain.
The bright, cheerful and loving girl that had once been here was gone. Lost into the darkness just as she had always feared would happen.
Though she made no effort to try and drag her back. No, it was easier to feel pain and nothing more. Than to know happiness and have it taken away.
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Post by Quan Tian Meng on Dec 17, 2009 20:48:34 GMT -8
A hospital, a place that Quan had never been to before, at least not in his memmory and hoped to never have to be personally. It was the place for you to go when you were banged up. They would make you all better if you got hurt, for a price. It was something that Quan hoped not to have to experience for that reason. He couldn't pay the bills. If he got hurt to the point that he had to come here well then it was pretty over for him. Which is the main reason why he kept out to fights and that sort of trouble. Survival. He would not risk his life for petty things. While it was true his life was on the line almost daily he would not endanger it further because for people like him the hospital was no place for him, it was no different then the morgue. Look out for yourself and stay out of trouble, that was the only idiom he had to stand by and it had kept him safe this far.
But today he was actually in the hole that he tried to avoid like the devil. Why? He was actually in here to see a friend, well someone who had helped him out a little bit or at least tried to. She had gone out of her way to help him so Quan figured the least he could do was the same. He knew that being in the hospital was an awful place, that only the rich could make it so he did something very out of character for him. He stuck out his neck for someone he hardly knew. He had spent the morning collecting on the neighborhood he was currently bouncing around in. Yeah, he figured with all the activity he had put there recently he was going to have to go away for awhile because you see it was a mixed neighborhood. Half the time they'd call the cops and the other half they'd sort it out themselves. But that was besides the point Quan had collected a good sum today. A few hundred.
He wasn't sure on what was going on here he just knew that Kevala was here. He wandered the hospital hazy on the details of the rooms location. Perhaps he should of asked that person at the desk instead of slipping by unnoticed. Perhaps that would have been less illegal to. To tell the truth he wasn't sure if it was illegal the sign said check in but really? He couldn't see people getting in a bunch over it. Well fortunately for him he found the room without getting caught. As he walked in still not sure why she was here he asked in accent and with concern, "Dào dǐ shì shén me fā shēng zài nǐ shēn shang?(What the hell happened to you?)"
Maybe he had been spending too much time in Chinatown lately?
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Mitsukai
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Post by Mitsukai on Dec 18, 2009 17:27:49 GMT -8
((OOC: Honestly I miss one day and so much drama has happened without me >.>))
It was just another typical day, Mitsukai was working on training when her cell phone went of. Grumbling softly to herself she grabbed it up, not bothering to look at the number as she flipped it open. "Hello?" An irritated tone filling her voice as she listened for a reply.
"Hello this is the California Hospital calling, is this Mitsukai Shinoda I am speaking to?"
The hospital? Why would they be calling her? Mitsukai felt a small trendil of worry creeping up. This could not be good. There could be only one reason that the hospital would be calling her, and that was if something happened to Kevala. She was most likely still on the hospital's contact list since the birth of the twins.
"Yes thats me." she responded in turn. Please don't tell me something bad happened. she thought to herself, the last thing she wanted to hear was that Kevala was hurt, or worse dead.
What the receptionist on the phone said next made Mitsukai's blood run cold. She didn't even bother to listen further, hanging up the cell she immediately started running towards the hospital.
Attempted suicide?! Fuck I should have known something like this would happen! she screamed at herself in her mind. Sure Mitsukai had a few reasons to worry about the girl, she always had since they became friends and a part of her wanted to protect the girl and stand by her. Recently because of a series of unfortunate events the friendship had become a bit awkward to say the least. Especially ever since that incident with Gabriel in the park Mitsukai simply did not know what to do anymore.
She frankly did not like Kevala's infatuation with that man. Not because she thought Gabriel was the worst piece of scum on the earth, Though Nami certainly did >.> but simply because in the end he always ended up hurting the other girl. He was not exactly the type to just give himself fully to anyone, all he really wanted were people that were completely devoted to him but that never meant that he would be the same to those around him. Gabriel could never return Kevala's feelings and that alone would cause anyone pain. But he was simply using her emotions to help keep her by his side as his loyal servant, or at least that was basically how she saw it. It was that point that made her want to knock some sense into the girl.
Mitsukai tried, she really did. She tried to stand up for Kevala, talk some sense into her, had Nami talk some sense into her, hell she even confronted Gabriel himself on the matter but nothing she seemed to do helped at all. So with a heavy heart she started to clam up. And now this happened? There was no doubt in the small girl's mind that this whole suicide attempted had something to do with Gabriel.....and of course there was little doubt in her mind that this in a way was her fault for giving up when she should have kept fighting.
It took the girl a little over half an hour to make it to the hospital. She wasted no time in finding out what room Kevala was being kept in. Running to her destination she would stop right in front of the door trying to catch her breath and ready her mind for what she was about to see. Though the doctors had managed to save the girl's life it would still be a hard thing to see whatever state Kevala was in. Right now what Kevala needed was someone o be there and comfort her, to be strong for her. Not some emotional child that could not keep herself together at the sight of the girl's condition.
Taking in a deep and long breath and exhaling slowly Mitsukai would open the door and step inside. It seemed that she was not the only one that got the message of what happened. There was that nurse that she met during the twins delivery was there, there was also some other boy there though she had no clue who he was. She would turn away from them, no doubt they had to be friends of Kevala's but now was not really the time to be socializing with others, she was here for one person and one person only.
Her gaze shifted over to the figure in the bed and she had to hold back tears. Kevala looked horrible, so weak and fragile. The doctors had her strapped down to the bed, no doubt to prevent the girl from trying to end her life a second time. Not like they really needed to do that. Poor Kevala didn't even seem like she had enough strength left inn her to try that again.
Immediately Mitsukai felt guilt wash over her. If only she had been there for the girl things might have been different, she might not even be in the state she was now if only Mitsukai had been looking out for her.
"Kev..." she called out softly to her friend, inching a bit closer to the bed she was restrained to. God she looked so worn out and miserable,could Kevala even respond back?
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Post by seishounohana on Dec 19, 2009 0:05:15 GMT -8
"He abandoned me"
Abandonment...
Left for dead?
Emily couldn't really say that Jon had abandoned her; in her case one could say he just plain rejected her completely. Rejected what she wanted to be for him; what she was willing to offer...
...
Just like Kev was, although - unlike Emily, Kev took her pain physically; attempting to take her own life.
... A lost sense of purpose.
Emily knew how that felt quite well. Emily would only smile and hold Kevala's hand glancing at the few friends that managed to get inside. Oh well, Emily wanted Kevala to see what so much more she could live for - this was one way that she knew.
"Gabriel?" She asked to confirm her suspicions. Of course, she had been running on mere hunches all this time but thats how things worked.
Emily squeezed her hand gently. If anything, Emily's body temperature was higher than most people; by which her mere presence alone makes people feel warm, literally...
...
Emily would then look down, a soft but weak smile on her face. She wasn't exactly afraid to show it to anyone, because weakness was a part of the human condition -- overcoming it was part of it too. "Why hurt yourself the way I did, Kev?" She said, "Look at me; I've lost my ability to show what I feel -- just what are you willing to lose for him?"
...
"What are you waiting to lose for him...?"
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 19, 2009 7:50:20 GMT -8
Kev thought the words, but again they did not come. No, they were lost to her no matter how hard she struggled to get them out...The sound of another entering would indeed gain her attention as eyes shifted to look up at Quan..
He spoke but she was having a hard enough time understanding english at this point...shaking her head she would force her brow to raise, a show of confusion at his words.
Then.....Mitsu.....inside a part of her wished to look at her friend, but instead her eyes filled with a light film of tears. She did not know how to tell these people what had happened. How to get it across to them just how much she felt..............destroyed.
Then Emily would speak again....and that would have answered anyone questions she suppoesd. The small group were smart enough to put two and two together. Not to mention the bandages about her wrists, the restraints and the completely defeated look she held.
She knew she would never be able to answer all of them, not in her current state of mental confusion. So she would focus on Emily, figuring the other two would listen, and in the process learn the answer to their own questions.
"Y..yes...G..Gabr..iel"
Yes, it was him who had left her, him who had take her to the point where she was most vulnerable to him and walked away. She had given her heart, and had it broken worse than any other man could have managed. But....it was her fault.....she had pushed him away....
"M..my fa..ult"
She made a sound.....that was a close to a whimper of pain as she could manage.....her small hand, not holding the note from Gabriel, would lightly, very lightly grasp Emily's as she felt the heat of the girl's touch.
Then came the question.....one that had Kevala thinking yet unable to answer. What was she willing to lose for him? Did she have anything left to lose?
She had given her heart, her soul, her everything to him....she had even been willing to give her life....but it had not been enough...and now.....look at her.......
"I...h..hav..e...nothin...g...left"
She did not know if that would go across as she had meant it. But she had meant that she had nothing left she was willing to lose for him. Because in the end it would do her no good. She could not lose anything else. Not for him. Not for the man who would never love her.
Eyes shifting to Mitsu and then to Quan, seeking understanding in their faces. Those dull blue eyes full of pain and loss.
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Post by Quan Tian Meng on Dec 19, 2009 15:07:30 GMT -8
Quan gave a look of concern at Kevala. It didn't take long to figure out why she was here. The tears, the bandages around the wrists. Quan's brows furrowed in confusion. He didn't understand. He was unsure of what suicide was to people. No, he knew that it meant killing themselves, but what he was unsure of what drove people to actually do it. Maybe it was because of his street raised disposition that he was unable to see pain of such an amount to kill himself. In fact it probably was. He hadn't known anyone who had survived on the street for any amount of time that had not clung to life more then anything. Those who did not care to live were all dead and gone among the street crowd. Hell Quan knew a good many people that spit in the face of death far more then him and were still dead. But yeah, the point was because he clung to life so vehemently that same will refused to let him see anything that did not relate to life.
All the same he was still concerned for Kevala. He wanted to know exactly what it was that drove her to the point of not wanting life anymore. He just wasn't sure how exactly to phrase it so he kept his mouth shut. Yes he had been accused on occasion of being an insensitive ass but that was because he chose to be. He knew that unless he could articulate himself correctly that it was probably for the best for him to keep his mouth shut so instead he noted the others that were here. There was some other girl that he didn't know, the one with the black hair and the other one was someone he had encountered before. The one that knew a little bit of mandarin. Really thought that was irrelevant. Quan wondered where he was. The one that she had spoken of so highly. The one that seemed like her boyfriend. Gabriel was it?
"I...h..hav..e...nothin...g...left"
Quan was almost certain that it did not mean what it sounded like on face value. That she had nothing left to loose, but that was obvious so his naive mind thought that there had to be another meaning. Of course that was the case but not for the same conclusions that Quan had made. In her sputtering before he had heard Gabriel's name mentioned. That himself confirmed it. He was not to be trusted. Quan had felt that before which of course why he had not accepted help from the man. Now, he felt, he had some sort of basis for his suspicions.
Still though one thought stood clear in his mind, but uncertainty led him to whisper it quietly in his own language, still audible but likely there was only one person in this room that would be able to understand it, "Yǒu shēng mìng(There is life)."
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Mitsukai
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Post by Mitsukai on Dec 19, 2009 17:43:10 GMT -8
Mitsukai listened to the pair as they spoke and her suspicions had been confirmed.The worst had finally happened, Gabriel broke the girl's heart so much that it had driven her to suicide. She knew something bad would happen if Kevala stayed with him. And yet she did nothing...sure she had understood that Kevala was a stubborn person and that what she said would never really matter to the girl so long as she loved the man. She even tried to make Gabriel wise up just so then maybe she wouldn't be completely destroyed by his actions.....
But she failed, she always failed....
I should have tried harder, I should have tried fucking harder. she thought in bitterness and pain. If only she had done more then this would have never happened.
It wouldn't have mattered how much you tried. Nami would say bluntly. In the end she made her decision. It is her own fault that things have ended up like this.
SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING SHE IS GOING THROUGH! she screamed at her alter ego through their mind link.
Oh really now? DO you understand this situation yourself? she would ask calmly, unaffected by her other half's outburst. It was this thing called LOVEthat has caused her to go this far. The fool willing gave up everything she had for someone who could never feel for her the same way she did him. Love makes fools out of otherwise smart and rational human beings. It causes them to do foolish things and destroy themselves in the end. That pointless emotion only causes misery.
Her gaze fell away from Kevala at that moment. In a way what her split persona said was right. Love was such a dangerous emotion, if Kevala had not felt as strongly as she had for Gabriel she would not have been driven to this point. But that did not make this the young woman's fault. Mitsukai did not know much but what she did know was no one truly chooses who they fall for, Kevala might have willingly given everything she had to a man that she knew would never like her back but that was something that was very hard not to do. If anyone was to blame it was the man himself, if he had not strung her around like he did knowing fully well what he was putting the fragile girl through then that pain Kevala had to endure would have been a lot less.
"It's not your fault...." she told Kevala not even sure if the girl even heard her. "there wasn't anything you could do." she fell silent again. There was so much she wanted to say but nothing else would come out. Even with her basic understanding of the situation it was hard to say much else. Mitsukai never knew the pain of loving someone so much that she'd give her very life for them. What good was her word here?
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Post by seishounohana on Jan 4, 2010 18:17:21 GMT -8
Nothing left?
There was life, as Quan had said... and Mitsukai had her point; there was nothing that Kevala could do at this point. After all, Gabriel was a guy who Emily only knew through small fragments of information and data. It was quite interesting how long Em knew him, and yet she barely knew him.
Sad? Quite.
She knew this though, the man was manipulative.
"Kevala, why would this be your fault?" Emily started, her hands squeezing her friend's own a bit more to pull her back into the reality of things. She didn't have Gabriel, but there was a multitude of things that she was forgetting. "...You have your life, your children; heck, you have us, your friends."
...
"Aren't we worth living for, Kevala?" She said, "Aren't your children worth living for?"
Emily smiled, hoping to be at the very least supportive. If there was anything Kevala would ask of her as of this moment, she would try and do it. Of course, upon her discretion that is. Emily wouldn't help with euthanasia, even if she WAS trained for it.
No freaking way.
"Kev, please."
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