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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 17, 2009 16:07:57 GMT -8
Well, for the most part Kevala was better. But it was only in the physical sense of the word. No, she was not better emotionally. In fact, she was still broken inside and it seemed to her that she was beyond all repair.
Yet she was home. Although it did not feel like home. This place felt foreign to her. As though she did not know it at all.
She laid upon her bed, a pair of shorts and a t-shirt fitting her petite form as she curled up atop the covers. One hand stuffed beneath the pillow, the other resting directly before her face. Long raven locks falling about her form, some resting upon the pillow, and a few falling into her eyes. The normally shimmering icy blue shade of them having dulled as if to show the lack of life that now filled her.
She had not tried to take her life again......the only thing keeping her here were those words whispered to her at the hospital that day.
Today was her first day home and the security was on high alert. Sure, they may have been paid help but they were no different than anyone else she knew....they cared for the small girl who ran this house....They now kept watch on her to make sure that nothing like that happened again.
Those eyes casting their empty gaze.....of course.....out the window...the door to her room open, having not been repaired from them having to break through to get to her that night....
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Post by Gabriel Seran on Dec 17, 2009 16:16:16 GMT -8
Not like they weren't human indeed, and while Gabriel was a God. It took no effort to evade them even with certain restrictions on his body almost like another game, yet again he didn't want to play any games today he was guilty and wanted to get a bit of something of his chest though he would not take back the words he'd said that night. He'd meant everything all the while Kevala reacted irrationally by his means, they were still linked. He owed her that much, some solace in fact. But he could not change not for her. A bit of sorrow trickled in before being set aside and he'd lunge off the roof landing in front of her window without a sound.
This time he'd knock if only to be polite.
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 17, 2009 16:32:49 GMT -8
She had been staring out that window when suddenly that familiar form appeared there. She felt that familiar pull that she always got when she saw him, but it was dull, hidden behind all the pain that she continuously suffered.
Then he....knocked?
If she had been .....there.....she would have raised her brow at that..But instead she would slowly shift herself to stand, pushing herself off of that bed.
Making her move to toward the window and unlatching the lock on it.
She would then reach down, the marks on her tiny wrists still clearly visible as she slid open the window to allow him entrance. Not that she had to. She knew that, even in her current state.
She would then motion for him to come in....not speaking. She had only spoken a few words to Emily.....and that was it...nothing else had left her mouth since the night it had all happened.
Turning away, she would make her way back to her bed, crawling onto it and curling up once more.
What he may have deemed irrational, to her, had been the only way to make the pain end. The only way to stop pushing away those she loved. It was like a curse. If she loved a person then they were guaranteed to leave at some point.
She had just thought....like an idiot...that he was different....
She had given him her heart...and he had vowed to keep it safe...
Instead, he had done what no other could ever do....he had destroyed it.
But even through all of this...not a single part of her blamed him. No, it was all on her. Sometimes being so much like each other was not such a good thing. heh
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Post by Gabriel Seran on Dec 17, 2009 20:39:11 GMT -8
Gabriel slunk in through the window as any high school boy might have in the many years before but this was for a different cause, not for sex, lust, strikes at love, no it was for retribution and solidarity. It was obvious that Kevala had fallen under some mishappened spell of her own compulsion but of course there was the subtle shove Gabriel had contributed before and now that needed a push back to put things back in the right direction.
"Kevala, theres something you need to hear."
Gabriel would say from a pleading voice, yes he remembered exactly why he was here. And that of course wasn't for forgiveness if he wanted that he'd take it up with God or whoever guided his ill-fated path. He wasn't worried for his soul but those who lost theirs in the pursuit of happiness. Somewhere along the lines his efforts weren't strong enough.
"I need you..."
It was simple as that the fact that he'd always needed her. She was always there devoted and he couldn't have put it across better, that was his simple purpose. He didn't need her as a lover, nor a partner but he needed her support and kindness, her hope and steadfast loyalty that was all he could ask for. Neigh he could beg of her.
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 17, 2009 20:50:32 GMT -8
Kevala would lay on that bed, curling up once more and that hand darting under her pillow, her dull eyes falling over him as she listened to his words. Inside her, something lit up. But it was small....too scared to hope, to let herself fall for his words any longer. He had said so many things and had taken them all back in a single act.
She would again form words to speak, as she had done so many times since she had tried to take her own life...but as always they refused to escape her lips. No matter how hard she struggled for them to do so.
She would close her eyes, a tear rolling down her cheek as she drew in a light little breath and then opened them once more to return her gaze to him.
"but...you left"
To anyone else it would sound like they had been lovers or something of the sort, but they had not been. Which had always been fine with her. Despite what others may think.
But no, he would understand...he would see what she meant. She hoped at least because she did not know if she could manage to explain.......Though she did push out the two words that had been burning a hole in her heart since he had walked out that night.....
"i'm...sorry..."
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Post by Gabriel Seran on Dec 17, 2009 21:33:31 GMT -8
Gabriel sighed, Yes he had left but all for a purpose because there was something more to him than any other man she'd known. Simply because he was more than any other man could be, one would have to be such to give himself to the world and devoid of all selfish emotions.
"Yes I did, I couldn't stand seeing you like that, not as a slave, I want you to be beside me as an equal nothing less."
Gabriel said as she apologized, "Don't apologize, listen, because you're better than that and theres nothing that anyone can say about that to change my mind."
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 17, 2009 21:49:37 GMT -8
She heard him continue speaking, and those eyes would settle upon him once more. She again tried to speak in reply but nothing would come forth. Shaking her head as he continued on. No, it was her fault, she had drove him to leave.....
He never told you......never said he needed you....that he saw you as more than some slave.........how were you to know?
He needs you now....He needs to know you are okay....Show him you are okay.....
Those familiar voices once more returning...having been absent since she had decided to do away with her life rather than suffer the pain of losing him.
Another tear fell down her face as she shook her head....
"never....said...."
She sighed.....closing her eyes as she felt anger growing in her at her inability to speak. It was maddening...but the words refused to leave her lips...no matter how much she willed it.....
Slowly she would force herself to sit up again, legs thrown over the edge of the bed and her hair falling about her face....Drawing her hand out from beneath that pillow and balling her hands into fists as she rested them outstretched on her knees....those wounds she had caused showing as she looked down at them.....
"do..not..........."
She growled softly.....body trembling lightly as she forced out the last bit of her sentence......
"leave.......... me...... again........"
She would then look up at him, crimson burning in her gaze as she jumped off the bed and moved to him, grabbing the front of his shirt as she pulled herself to him and laid her head against his chest...Sobbing lightly as she drew up her free hand, still balled into a fist and forced it into his.
Releasing into his grasp that which she had been hiding under her pillow........
A piece of paper.........
The same one he had given to her in the hospital.........
His words still there, signs of her tears showing on the streaked lettering........and a small, delicate feminine script written beneath it...
That should give him all he needed to know....a single word that would say so much.............more than she herself could ever hope to put across verbally...................
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Post by Gabriel Seran on Dec 17, 2009 23:38:52 GMT -8
Forever.....
Gabriel held her close stroking her hair with the gentleness of someone with a heartfelt soul. He tried to be there to comfort her, but in essence he knew how little that was possible. At the end of all this he'd need to be selfish again and leave just as every man had, and lie to her her again but he knew that it'd be for her in the end. In fact for everyone's own good. It was his destiny, and his fate. It was everything to him.
"Never."
Gabriel said not hinting at his lie and sealing his emotions over quite well to sell her what would be proclaimed as the truth. He'd been practicing since she caused those self inflicted wounds. He could shut down his emotions and flag a different one now at least for short instances. Yes it'd have to pay off now and after this all he could think of more pressing matters not the end but the path instead. Yes he felt alive as he thought on that. Alive and well.
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 18, 2009 7:20:42 GMT -8
"Never..."
She whimpered softly as she wrapped those small arms about his waist, her face hiding against his chest as she cried softly. She tried to search his emotions for the lie she was certain he spoke, but there was no hint of it.
Do not listen to him. Please. Do not do this to yourself again. You know that in the end he will leave and what then? What will you do just to avoid being in a world without him? You know as well as I that he does not see that it is not the world you fear it is life without him in it......
He will not be able to be there for you forever. You know where the path you are both headed down will most likely lead to his demise. Please do not listen to this. He may, in his own way, love you, but ........
I do not care. If this is a lie, though I am unsure if it is or not, then let him lie to me. I know well what the outcome may be when this path reaches its end....
Yes, she knew where this could very well lead, and she would not be able to stop it in the end. But that was okay with her. Because she knew where she would be when it did.
None of that mattered now, no. What mattered was that he was there now.....And from what she could tell, he spoke the truth. She would not push it...It was what she needed to hear and be it stupidity or denial, she would take it to heart.
Struggling to let forth those words in her mind....
"l..love..y..you"
She knew he could not return such, but she spoke them just the same. Because despite it all, she did not NEED to have him as her lover, or as her partner either......No...just having him in her life the way he was, was more than enough for her....
Stupid boy....for not seeing that by now........
Stupid girl......for surrendering herself to him.......
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Post by Gabriel Seran on Dec 18, 2009 17:26:53 GMT -8
Gabriel pat the back of her head keeping her close to what was left of that black little heart of his beating tremulously to the sound of a marching beat yes there was war on the mind yet it was hidden behind a few brief details, he wasn't going to let the past break him and he'd not let guilt be his victor either, he'd control the world to destroy it and then create a world anew.
"As do I ma belle... Now rest.."
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Post by Kevala Badoer on Dec 18, 2009 17:35:59 GMT -8
Kevala was not selfish, anyone who thought that truly did not know her. She devoted everything to the ones she loved and did nothing for herself.
But she was going to be selfish in this instant....Her small hand sliding down and grasping his weakly she would pull away from him....
Those dull blue eyes looking up to him, the tears that she had cried leaving light streaks down her face.....Again the words from her mouth were not that which she really wished to speak......
"s..stay...til....sleep..."
She would then pull him lightly in the direction of her bed. She was not asking for anything wrong in her mind. Merely for him to stay with her until she was asleep. That was all. Releasing his hand and moving to crawl back onto her large bed...curling up in the center of such as she looked at him.....
Assuming he would indulge her in her one act of selfishness, she would curl up against him and sigh softly, taking in the heat of him and his scent...allowing them to lull her to sleep.......
If he did not...then it would be hours before sleep found her.
But either way.....that small fire still burned within her once more. More than enough to keep her going ..... for now.....
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Post by Gabriel Seran on Dec 19, 2009 1:21:38 GMT -8
He would give in here in this single instance, knowing all too well it could haunt him in the future but this moment was not about him, for once he could be humble and let his guard down giving himself even in his cold nature to appease to her needs. Someone other than himself. Become selfless, much like how people had believed "Unfettered" to once be.
Laying in the bed he'd hold her softly, still a cold emptiness as he touched her the hand he mended softly pressing through her weaves of hair pressing her to sleep. He wasn't going to leave, even after she slept he'd remain silently into the night waiting as the hours passed and he could say unselfishly that he'd done the right thing, even though as daybreak came and he parted Gabriel could not feel a bit of warmth in himself, from that she'd taken all of it.
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