Funny Omegle convos

[Victor "Break" D'Armond]

www.Omegle.com is a website where you talk randomly to strangers

these are the conversations we have had

Stranger: hello this is god
You: hey allah, whats up?
You: you mind if I call you allah?
Stranger: allah?
You: yeah, you know, muslims call god allah for some reason
You: thought I'd give it a shot
Stranger: sorry your barking up the wrong tree
Stranger: the christians are right
You: yeah I know
You: but I like trying new things
Stranger: i know
You: of course you know
You: so hows jesus doing?
Stranger: pretty good
Stranger: spends most of his time on his xbox these days
You: don't blame him
You: good job on that btw, Xbox pretty much kicks ass
Stranger: ever since he was crucified hes just never been the same
You: a little emo?
Stranger: yeh
Stranger: hes just so depressed by it all
You: well... he does have permanantly cut wrists...
You: I mean... I'd be a little emo too
Stranger: no because in heaven you cant get hurt
Stranger: so he cuts his wrists & it instantly heals
Stranger: so he does it again
You: ah...
You: I thought the nail marks where permanant?
Stranger: yeh but thats becuase it happened before he was in heaven
You: oh got it
Stranger: everyone comes here with the mark from how they died
Stranger: it doesnt hurt them just its still visible
You: ah
You: so then... he still has the giant gaping hole in his side where the spear pierced his heart?
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: no
Stranger: that never happened
You: it didn't?
Stranger: oh me, these people who wrote the bible sure did write some rubbish
Stranger: for my sake they got everything wrong
You: got it, so what really happened?
You: director's cut, sounds fun
Stranger: not really sure wasnt paying much attention
Stranger: i sent jesus to earth because he was annoying me at home all the time
You: thats depressing
Stranger: & he wanted a break out of school before he went to heaven university
You: well, college is very stressful for some kids...
Stranger: well yes
Stranger: but he got all 100%
Stranger: i think he cheated though
Stranger: being able to produce miracles & stuff
Stranger: i think he used that to cheat
You: ah, but he's supposed to be perfect, he wouldn't cheat
You: you gotta trust your son
Stranger: well
You: maybe thats why he's emo
Stranger: he wasnt so perfect
You: cause you don't trust him...
Stranger: another thing those darn writers got wrong
You: ah got it
You: was he rebellious and filled with angst?
Stranger: he was a troublesom little child
You: I see
You: wanna talk about it?
Stranger: whats to talk about? he dropped out of school 5 times
You: dayum, not very motivated
Stranger: & when theres only one school here i had to perform miracles just to get him back in
Stranger: & by dropped out i mean kicked out
You: ah... forced dropping out... may favorite kind
Stranger: haha
Stranger: well me & my wife have been trying for another child
Stranger: shes now pregnant with a girl
Stranger: so dont be surprised if she gets sent to your planet too
You: cool, let me know how that goes, I'd love to be the you-father, if you'd bless me with such an honor
Stranger: might send her to that other planet instead though
You: nah, send her to our planet, its cooler here
Stranger: yeh at least youu could make up a decent name for your planet
Stranger: the other one is called "shyihen" which transleted means "planet 1"
You: not very original
Stranger: i know
Stranger: earth is a cool name
Stranger: they are in a boring galaxy which they call galaxy 1
Stranger: they have discovered your galaxy
Stranger: thats galaxy 13 for them
You: jealous bastards
Stranger: they know nothing about your planet though
You: probably for the better
You: we'd blow their minds with awesome
Stranger: they have no original names for their solar system
You: and xbox
You: and stuff
Stranger: planet 1,2,3,4 & 5 orbit around star 1 & 2
Stranger: they have moon 1,2 & 3
Stranger: such boring names
You: ...
You: I wish I had moon 1 2 and 3...

["Unfettered"]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: horny gay is looking for another guy:)
You: HEY!
You: I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR!
You: I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR!
You: I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY, GAY BAR!
You: HEY.
You: LET'S START A WAR.
You: START A NUCLEAR WAR!
You: AT THE GAY BAR, GAY BAR, GAY BAR!
You: I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO PUT IN YOU!
You: I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO PUT IN YOU!
You: AT THE GAY BAR, GAY BAR, GAY BAR!
You: Hi.
Stranger: hi:D
Stranger: little crazy dont u think?
You: Fo you, baby? Not enough.
You: *APPLIES ANAL LUBE TO HIS SCROTUM*
You: *RUBS IT AGAINST SANDPAPER*
You: ONLY THE ROUGHEST, RAWEST, FOR YOU!
Stranger: i want to smoke your cigarette:) not anal..
You: YOU REQUIRE LIGHTERS TO SMOKE CIGARETTES.
You: HOWEVER, THE TIP OF MY PENIS IS NOT FLAME RETARDENT!
You: THEREFORE, WE HAVE A DEEP, PROFOUND PROBLEM!
You: ...ABOUT SIX INCHES DEEP.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Victor "Break" D'Armond]

Stranger: Hello, 20 male italy. What is your asl?
You: if asl was a yes or no answer...
You: it would be no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Matrim Gallagher]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger:
Stranger: supp.....
You: Innnnn west Philadelphia born and raised!
You: on the playground is where I spent most of my days!
You: chilling out, maxing and relaxing all cool
You: and all shooting some b-ball outside of school
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Gabriel Seran]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: bitch please I'll say hi when I fucking want
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Matrim Gallagher]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: vas up
You: nuzzing much, planning world domination and such, not going quite well. Can't figure out how to beat Australia though, I was wondering if anyone had ideas on how to dominate Australia so I'm checking this place out for fresh ideas.
Stranger: your kiddin right??? thats sick!!!
Stranger: I love that game
Stranger: You just nuke it!!!
You: That's true and all but those Australians are tricky buggers
You: they might hide in the outback
You: and I'd prefer to keep the kangaroo in my new world order....
Stranger: you could always just canabalize
You: true, I wonder if any of the Maori people in New Zealand would help with that...
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Matrim Gallagher]

And another one with trying to take Australia down....

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: ello
You: Hi, whats up?
Stranger: everyone is saying whats up today
Stranger: not a lot actually
Stranger: music
You: Yeah, sort of the generic introduction sadly....
Stranger: college
Stranger: pizza delivery
You: Ahh tight tight.... really? You deliver to Australia?
Stranger: haha
Stranger: from england??
Stranger: hmmm
Stranger: it can be arranged...
Stranger: providing you match my delivery costs
You: Good, I'm planning world domination and Australia's been the hardest one to figure out so far... I figured a pizza might make things a little easier for negotiations.
Stranger: good luck with that
Stranger: you may take over bahrain
Stranger: or some other minute "country" at most
You: You doubt my abilities? D=
Stranger: to some degree
Stranger: considering i dont know you though
Stranger: i suppose thats a bit unfair
You: A bit yeah, but that's okay. I'd doubt myself too if I were in your position.
You: I wonder if Australian's enjoy pepperoni....
Stranger: aye aye
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: i certainly dont
Stranger: but you can never tell really
Stranger: unless you patake in a poll
Stranger: *partake
You: Yes, that's true... I'll need to do some reconnaissance if this is ever to work... you know, taking over the world and delivering pizza's aren't all that different, If you're looking for a job....
You: I can give you part of the U.K. and all of Russia as your pay....
Stranger: haha true true
Stranger: can i have a portion of bosnia aswell
Stranger: so i can start up a record shop
Stranger: selling turkish dubstep
You: I suppose, but I'll have to take it out of your benefits package.
Stranger: ahh its worth it
You: Alright then just so we're in agreement.
Stranger: aye
You: Good good.... now, what are the chances of drugging your ingredients with a sort of serum that will give the person a hypnotic effect, I have the drug ready but I'm pondering whether it'd go better in the sauce or mixed in as a dry ingredient on top....
Stranger: hmmm
Stranger: dry ingredient on top
Stranger: by a mile
Stranger: like a dried cabbage
You: Alrighty then... I'll probably pass on the pepperoni then since the grease might not help the effects...
You: The only problem is those Aussie's like their meat, I may have to add some sort of animal to this meal....
You: how much would kangaroo meat cost as a topping if I supplied said Kangaroo?
Stranger: that certainly has to be taken into consideration
Stranger: kangaroo meat currently chips at $50 per pound
Stranger: *ships
Stranger: chips lol
You: yes yes this is all true.... I'll just have to use my trust fund for this job....
You: By the way, you may refer to me as Fearless Leader, just in case you were wondering what you could possibly call the future ruler of the world.
Stranger: are you a chick or a dick though
Stranger: cos then i could come up with a name suited to your sex
You: Am I a what or a what now?
You: my sex? that seems a little personal Number 2 but alright, I am both.
You: I am a quite well hung hermaphrodite.
You: So perhaps ball-less leader? though that might insight insubordination amongst the lower beings...
Stranger: haha
Stranger: well hung
Stranger: yet ball-less
You: the only problem is it only hangs.....
You: it's like a hood ornament, it looks pretty but has no purpose in life other than to just sit there....
You: it's like my snatches own personal windshield wiper when I sway side to side.
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: joker dude
Stranger: man i have to go
Stranger: sleepy time
Stranger: shut eye
You: Alright, go with God number 2
You: and go with kangaroo pizza
You: to Australia
Stranger: will do
Stranger: thanks for all of your advice
Stranger: unforgettable
You: *nod*
Stranger: byebye
You: you're welcome
You: bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Gabriel Seran]

....I figure I can get the most people to stop talking to me in under 3 replies hahaha

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Timesaver...are you
a)Male for chat with male
b)Male for chat with female
c)Male (horny) for chat with female
d)Male (horny) for chat with male
e)Male for just chat.
f)Female for chat with male
g)Female for chat with female
h)Female (horny) for chat with male
i)Female (horny) for chat with female
j)Female for just chat.

You: k) Ready to fucking kill up some cyber whore up in here
Stranger: ok
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Sara Gallagher]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Can I have a website with your pic on it
You: no you may not, you may however commence the courting process
You: BEGIN
Stranger: Ok?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

this site is weird... O___o

[Matrim Gallagher]

Somewhere Pedobear just cried....

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: heyy, asl and sexualityy? (:
You: 15/f/US and I'll suck your dick for a dollar, unless your female and then I'll suck someone else's dick for a dollar and let you watch.
You: And bi.
Stranger: hahaha funnnny lil slut
You: Is that a yes?
You:
Stranger: no, your too young
You: Good, this is actually Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC's To Catch A Predator.
You: you sir, are a hero.
Stranger: damn, I love that show
You: Keep up the good work on NOT dating underage women.
Stranger: I wannna work for them!
Stranger: like no joke.. I'm tryin to go to school for that exact thing(:
Stranger: catch all the nasty perverts out there
You: Good job son. Keep up the good work. Now, go pretend to be a little girl from now on and catch at least four possible predators, and I'll give you a job. You're interview process begins now!
Stranger: haha too bad your not Chris Hansen
You: How can you tell? I look just like him, and we have the same voice!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Matrim Gallagher]

I got pwned....

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Your father fucked your mother.
Stranger: heyhey
Stranger: yours too
You: touchez
You: You win this round stranger!
You have disconnected.

[Vespyr]

Stranger: hey
You: parlez-vous francais?
Stranger: no hablo francis sorry
You: howdigow adigaboudigout gidigiberdigeridigish?
Stranger: dgbvusdvosdjvbwyvbwdejvb uiegfcvihuwebfviwbv ugbcvuowdeb?
You: damn shame.
You: is that how kids are speaking nowadays?
Stranger: haha i guess so.. why?
You: ohne grund...
Stranger: what??
Stranger: yo no speko francis
You: nevermind es, sie sprechen kein deutsch, entweder
Stranger: what??
You: Habla usted espanol?
Stranger: se y tu?
Stranger: si
You: Haha, actually i don't.
Stranger: oh bummer!!
You: Yeah... je parle francais et allemand, mais tres peu.
You: And gibberish, but that's about it.
Stranger: hahahaha lol i love gibberish
You: idigi thodigot youdigou didigidndignt speadigeak idigit?
Stranger: hdifcdgbvcibdgvyfcdbscvpyisdg?
You: PHAAIIIIL.
Stranger: nawwwwww knvusdfhidbusi yeah?
You: thadigats nodigot gidiberdigeridigish, thoudigoh...
Stranger: ubifcbwd udgfcidbc dhgbcdSBC
You: Really? I had no idea!
Stranger: yes!! i was like O MAW GAWD
You: No shit!! I would have been too. That's deep, man.
Stranger: i know right!?!?! i cant believe he would do that!!
You: Medigeowdigow.
Stranger: dbfuwedfbneJNASDUE
You: !!
You: you whore.
You: You did not...
Stranger: yess!! i feel so bad
Stranger: what should i d0!?
You: Well, there's not much you can do
Stranger: ugh! i knew it!! hbdhdebDBiu!?
You: Well, there's always suicide..
Stranger: well.. me don't feel like doing that!
You: Well then, i have nothing else to say. You're doomed.
Stranger: for ever!?!?! oh hdbfiyebfEBFE!!
You: Yeah, pretty much.
Stranger: ugh!! this is so hbyiJEBIUY BIHBFEIYH !!
You: What's that, i didn't quite understand that
Stranger: hbyobcidbJBDI UEBDEQBDU
You: nah, still not understanding
Stranger: hbiybhby UHBHJBUI;B nooo??
You: Nope.
Stranger: haha me nither.. lol jk i meant that you were fun to talk to
You: Je regrette, je ne parle pas anglais
Stranger: whaaaaaat??
Stranger: me no speko that language!!
You: je ne sais pas que tu es parles...
Stranger: what??
Stranger: i seriously dont know what that means
You: Zut, c'est bien dommage
Stranger: what
You: quoi?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.