Post by Zack Asiv on Sept 30, 2010 17:29:26 GMT -8
Regrets of A Soldier
This is the regrets we all share, be it internally, externally, or denied, its there.
The first Regret is the Regrets of the past. Regrets of giving our lives to service, regrets of raising our right hand and pledging our undying loyalty to our country. The kinds of thoughts running through our heads could be any number of things.
"What have I done?"
"Why did I do that?"
"I didn't know."
"I was naive."
"This was my life."
"What could of been?"
The life of a soldier is one of respect, people will respect you, or hate you. They will either spit at you, or go out of they're way to thank you. Either way it gives the same feeling after a while.
"Why not you?"
This feeling is jelousy, envy, and depression all at the same time. The realizatiot hat your life is no longer your own. The orders for deployment into a known dead zone is all it takes. Lets not even worry about all of your obligations. Your yard has to be perfect, your vehicles have to be in tip top shape, your neighbors have to be clean, people come into your home and search everything to make sure your living to the military standard. That's everything. Your wife's stuff, your kids stuff, a friend thats over for a while just to play video games.
And this is NOT a 9 to 5 job. You get up at 0430 or 0500 just so you can make it to Physical Training in the morning. Then after PT, you have one to two hours to shit, shower, and change so you can be on time for 0900 or 0800 formation every morning. Then when the work day is finished, a time specified on a calender or schedual is never when the work day si finished, its always descided by the highest ranking person when you go home for the day.
But when your work day is finally over, if something comes up be it saturday or even sunday, you WILL stop what your doing, put your uniform on and go to work. All of the above? Those are Present Regrets.
Now your at war, this isn't like it is in the stories, the comics, the T.V. Not even your worst nightmares. If your a Combat job, your fucked. You are taught when you join all the ways the enemy can and will kill you. They are raised from children to hate you. They have no great dream other than killing you. They are smart, they use tactics against evey rule we have, the know us, we are only just getting used to them.
Your doing a normal walk through of a local town, you've been to this town hundreds of times, and spoken to this little girl and her mother every time, because they remind you of your wife and daughter back home, their faces on them every time you say good bye. But today as you turn away, the mother pulls out an AK-47 and the child has a hand gun. They are pointing at you. They had been getting close to you, so you drop your guard, just for this day.
You are forced to shoot first along with your patrol buddies. You tear them to pieces with roung after round of burning red led. And as you stare at the scene all you can see is your wife and daughter.
Your back home, your depressed, sad, angry, you have mood swings, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, your wife leaves you, and takes your daughter. Your left alone, only knowing how to live in the military, your mind is so traumatized and destroyed you can;t function, instead of crying or talking it out, you do push ups, you drink, you get into fights, you dont eat, you lose the very fabrisc of self and finally it ends...
These are Future Regrets.
