Post by Jenna Scorn on Apr 27, 2007 7:19:58 GMT -8
OOC: Confusing? I'm sure. Had a sudden urge to write, felt oddly inspired from the most random thing. Please, someone Role Play with me? ;_;
It would seem that it had taken a little longer then I had anticipated to get to school that morning, and so I was late. But hey, at least I had tried to go this time, and now as I found myself slinking out the doors of the large school...I'd collapse.
Finding a near by tree to fall under, curling up gently besides it. My fingers would itch against the restraining fabric of my shirt, such a nuisance.
I was so tired, so sleepy.
So weak.
All I could think about was last night.
My home.
It held nightmares.
Late at night... I feel the house collapsing around me. It comes along at night, bringing a cold wind through the window that an old acquaintance broke.
Johnathan
Johnathan Winters...
He clouded my thoughts for a few minutes while I thought of the temperature, the smell of smoke hitting ice and fresh air, and the settling of something standing for far too long. It isn't for lack of a home, I have many prospective homes. I guess you could laugh and say, "like Schroedinger's Cat: everywhere and nowhere!" and that could describe me well.
I tell the fellows I meet, the teachers and the weekend lesbians, "I'm never far, chances are you'll run into me consistently,"
...and consistently they do. I see them for miles before they see me, and if they see me it is because I allow myself to be seen.
Does Johnathan really see me?
REALLY see me?
How many afternoons go by, do you think of "running into" him, and finding out which parts you remember correctly and which were just some adept fantasy?
And Thrush...
But what about Thrush?
You see the shaggy dusty haired loner from across the fountain, knowing full well he is capable of very little, and yet you can't help but watch his wolfish eyes follow your playful faraway fuck-me looks. Maybe you even see the person you've yet to meet formally, the fellow with the name you adore, with the failed bay area education standards, but you can't help but be all-too-curious to know if he wants to take you along for his next trip. So many strangers and so many friends, lawyering it up in the cafes and bars, uncurrent events, politics and unhinged sex metaphors-
My hands press against my temple, eyes closing tightly.
I feel as if the house, the city, the world itself is folding around me. The breakdown of the very foundation, the cataclysm of so many ideals and hopes of every major impact I've ever had, it is almost too much to humanly bare.
How could they say they hate humanity as they do, when they can't possibly understand the narcissistic hatred humanity has for them?
"You cannot possibly defeat a Force of Nature..."
My lips are chapped, my tongue running lightly across them.
"You cannot possibly defeat a Force of Nature!!!"
This collapse, this exhaustion is a force of nature, it is Schroedinger's Cat, it is all the love you've ever had, all the fears you've never wanted, all the pennies you find on your walks to school, all the blue skies in japan and California, all the different colored roses in your dead grandmother's garden, all the books on the library's shelves, all the children your mother will never have, all the marriages you may have ruined...
All the friends who have hung up on you, all the old neighborhoods you used to walk and now you think about late at night when you try and draw your flowers and lovers, all the lights from the cars speeding toward you while you can't collect your thoughts on the club room floor, all the "how are you's?", all the words that come to you in a flash of genius while you're sweeping the floor, all the rentals, all the old TV shows, all the pencils that rolled behind your desk, all the half assed attempts at getting to know the person you went home with, all the pictures and words and music you try and make sense of when you open your mouth, everything.
All of it.
Just like the collapsing house, just like me, everywhere and nowhere.
It would seem that it had taken a little longer then I had anticipated to get to school that morning, and so I was late. But hey, at least I had tried to go this time, and now as I found myself slinking out the doors of the large school...I'd collapse.
Finding a near by tree to fall under, curling up gently besides it. My fingers would itch against the restraining fabric of my shirt, such a nuisance.
I was so tired, so sleepy.
So weak.
All I could think about was last night.
My home.
It held nightmares.
Late at night... I feel the house collapsing around me. It comes along at night, bringing a cold wind through the window that an old acquaintance broke.
Johnathan
Johnathan Winters...
He clouded my thoughts for a few minutes while I thought of the temperature, the smell of smoke hitting ice and fresh air, and the settling of something standing for far too long. It isn't for lack of a home, I have many prospective homes. I guess you could laugh and say, "like Schroedinger's Cat: everywhere and nowhere!" and that could describe me well.
I tell the fellows I meet, the teachers and the weekend lesbians, "I'm never far, chances are you'll run into me consistently,"
...and consistently they do. I see them for miles before they see me, and if they see me it is because I allow myself to be seen.
Does Johnathan really see me?
REALLY see me?
How many afternoons go by, do you think of "running into" him, and finding out which parts you remember correctly and which were just some adept fantasy?
And Thrush...
But what about Thrush?
You see the shaggy dusty haired loner from across the fountain, knowing full well he is capable of very little, and yet you can't help but watch his wolfish eyes follow your playful faraway fuck-me looks. Maybe you even see the person you've yet to meet formally, the fellow with the name you adore, with the failed bay area education standards, but you can't help but be all-too-curious to know if he wants to take you along for his next trip. So many strangers and so many friends, lawyering it up in the cafes and bars, uncurrent events, politics and unhinged sex metaphors-
My hands press against my temple, eyes closing tightly.
I feel as if the house, the city, the world itself is folding around me. The breakdown of the very foundation, the cataclysm of so many ideals and hopes of every major impact I've ever had, it is almost too much to humanly bare.
How could they say they hate humanity as they do, when they can't possibly understand the narcissistic hatred humanity has for them?
"You cannot possibly defeat a Force of Nature..."
My lips are chapped, my tongue running lightly across them.
"You cannot possibly defeat a Force of Nature!!!"
This collapse, this exhaustion is a force of nature, it is Schroedinger's Cat, it is all the love you've ever had, all the fears you've never wanted, all the pennies you find on your walks to school, all the blue skies in japan and California, all the different colored roses in your dead grandmother's garden, all the books on the library's shelves, all the children your mother will never have, all the marriages you may have ruined...
All the friends who have hung up on you, all the old neighborhoods you used to walk and now you think about late at night when you try and draw your flowers and lovers, all the lights from the cars speeding toward you while you can't collect your thoughts on the club room floor, all the "how are you's?", all the words that come to you in a flash of genius while you're sweeping the floor, all the rentals, all the old TV shows, all the pencils that rolled behind your desk, all the half assed attempts at getting to know the person you went home with, all the pictures and words and music you try and make sense of when you open your mouth, everything.
All of it.
Just like the collapsing house, just like me, everywhere and nowhere.
