Don't Hate the Player. Hate the Game.

[Rina Vade]

Have no freakin' clue what day it is, and personally, I don't care.

Alright, guess I'll blog as well. Something to do and pass the time. This school is by far the biggest of all the others. I'm surprised they have so few feshmen this year. Not like I care anyway, just stating my thoughts. I got a call from Ryuku the second day here. He sounded stressed out. Man, I wish I could help him out somehow. He's always overdoing things and the rest of the gang has to take care of him. When will he learn his limits?

I'm not really gonna write down all my past here. Anyone reading this will most likely figure out most of it if they have half a brain. I will say that I was raised by the gang leader Ryuku and his followers since I was 10 years old. They're really like my family. They were all I had after my phsyco mother was killed.

Oh yeah. Did I meantion that she was a drug user?

I sometimes wonder if I should hate Ryuku for killing my mother, but he took me in and taught me a lot of things. My mother wasn't taking care of me anyway. I was taking care of her! Still...I sometimes have doubts. He was always there, though. When I turned 14, I was a full member. We raided our rivals emcampments many times, and I made an enemy out of this Chinese girl with a dreary aura. She's always moping. Jeeze. Could anyone be more depressing...? I guess I could be...

Yeah, yeah, I mope a lot and I have anger issues. It's something I deal with. Like I tell everyone all the time...get used to it. There's a lot of people who change so they can fit in, or so they can get along with someone; psh, I wouldn't change if the President said that we all had to act a certain way or face death. I would take the death, thank you very much. I am me and no one can change that. Am I being to serious here? I wonder if I really am to serious? A lot of people say I am. Oh, well...they'll have to get used to it.

One girl that is a classmate of mine freaked out when she saw the tattoo on my hip. She was all gasping and squealing, saying that she wanted one too. And she said oh my God...a lot. Valley girl much?

Anyway, I told her I don't remember when or where I got it. It was always there. The color is blood red and seems to be apart of my skin. It doesn't even feel like a tattoo should. You know, like how it's a little more raised than the rest of your skin? It's not like that at all. The Kanji - that's a Japanese term for symbol - means wolf. You can kinda guess where I got the nickname Wolf Girl, huh?

Well, I don't feel like writing anymore. It's getting late and I want to go to sleep. I better not have any noisy roommates...they'll find out real quick to shut up when the lights are out.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

What day is it? I dunno, it really doesn't matter to me. The only thing that does matter is whats happening; the days events.

Tch, it's a bit boring here. Every day is drearily the same. No fights so far...I haven't been able to observe anyone. I heard of one fight, but didn't get to check it out. Damn teachers and their rules n' all. Not only that, but I've yet to find a worthy opponent in the game of chess. It may be a game, but the mind can be very powerful...I whipped like 20 people in under an hour! No potential at ALL. They were all so...so predictabe!! Drives me insane, it does. Where's a challenge when you want one?

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

Again, I don't have a freakin' clue what day it is. I know what time it is, but I'm too lazy to get up and check the clock, so forget it.

Had that dream again. The one that always makes me wake up in a cold sweat, my heart literally in my throat. I can still hear the yelling even after I know it was only a dream. I can still feel his fury...it always starts out the same. I'm like maybe 7 or 8 at the time. It's summer, and the sun is bright and hot. My mother, her newest boyfriend, and myself are all walking home. From where, I don't know. We enter the house and I go to watch T.V. The next thing I know, something smashes in the kitchen and I can hear my mother screaming. She's pissed off at her boyfriend, and she says something that sets him off. He comes stomping into the living room and grabs hold of the back of my shirt, dragging me off of the couch. I flail and scream, but he only hits me to shut me up.

My mother's in tears, but doesn't move. He threatens to take his anger out on me if she doesn't listen to what he says. He tells her that she'll lose me. I want to tell her not to listen to him, but my throat if tight. Anger fills me up, and I see red, but the rage and fury that this man possess overpowers my own, and I am helpless.

Then I wake up.

This dream hasn't shown itself for a long time. Now that it has, it's like living in that fear and anger and hurt all over again. But then, I think of Ryuku, and all my strees vanishes. His smiling face is all I see when I close my eyes. I hope the dream doesn't come back again.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

Today's Friday, I think. Yeah. And the time? Nearly midnight. I know, I know, I'm up pretty late. So? It doesn't really matter. There's no curfew at my house.

Someone finally beat me in my own game of basketball. His name is Kyoshi. Can't recall his last name at the moment...I'll probably remember it later. Or I might have to ask him again. But yeah, we played some ball and I was sure that I'd win. For a moment anyway. He found out that I was really good and then decided to get serious. I'd told him not to hold out on me! That pissed me off. He was better than he'd let on.

Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it now. I lost. Big deal. I'm'ma whup him next time for sure. Now that I know he's a good player, I'll be ready and I won't let him take me by surprise like he did the first time.

Geeze, it's nearly one in the morning. Have I really been sitting here for a whole entire hour and writing? Ugh. Guess I have. My clock isn't off and my computer says the same time. But I don't want to go to sleep. I don't know if I'll have that dream again. I don't want to dream. It always makes me feel bad the next day. And I'm all irritated and I snap at people when I don't mean to. Still...it's late. I'm tired. Screw it. I'm going to bed.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

Last I checked, it was nearly Tuesday. I don't know anymore. Lot's has happened. I don't own a clock anymore, and I'm trying to get my watch fixed.

Things have gotten bad. Sean Barker finally attacked, and we never saw it coming. The world's in chaos. Everything is in ruins and there are a lot of injured people. A lot of people have also died.

Some experiments have escaped. No one knew he was even capable of these things! A lot of them are hurt. I want to help them, but I need to figure out how to do it. I know that a lot of the experiments are infused with animal DNA, so it'd be easy for me to tell what's wrong with any of them. I've always been good with animals. But the others...the ones that are neither human nor animal. I have yet to decided on a solution.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

The days have seemed to just blur on by. I haven't kept track of them and time usually slips my mind.

I've holed up at the Olympian Appartments. There are a few other people here, but most of the inhabitants are Experiments. They are all really timid and they don't speak much or show themselves. There's this little girl. She's about maybe five years old and has tiny bird wings on her back. They don't let her fly, but they are so cute!

Still...this makes me hate Barker even more. How could he do this? She's only a child! I swear, if I ever get even one small opening he better consider himself dead. I will kill him if I get the chance. He better hope that Military gets to him before I do... Another thing; the stairs caved in near the back of the Appartments. I got this nasty cut from my hip to my ankle. It's pretty bad, but as long as I keep it clean, I think I'll be alright. The little girl, surprisingly, is quite strong! When I fell, she was able to pull me up and back onto the part of the stairs that were still intact. Amazing!

That girl doesn't speak though, so I've decided to call her Nill. She likes it. Nill follows me around and helps me out with chores. I simply adore her and am glad for the help and company. I hear that Strongholds are popping up all over the place. The Crows Nest is one of them with many people. Slowly, they and the Dragon Cafe are taking over some territory. I hope they keep it up.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

Today is Monday, I think. Time? Midnoon. I'm getting hungry, so it's close to lunchtime.

Barker has been moving. I don't really know what he's up to, but I know it has to do with the Experiments. I have to go check it out. Someone needs to help them. They need it. They deserve it. I have to at least try. I don't know what I'm going to do about transportation. There's no gas stations and no buses, either. Where do people get their cars filled? I'm guessing they probably stash gasoline and oil if and when they can get their hands on it. I could probably hitch a ride, but then I'd have the problem of getting back to where I started from.

Well, I can't write anymore now. Mila want's to go out. She says there's a new club she wants to see.

I'm dreading this.

Mila is my roomate and loves to use me as her own personal doll. I hate pink and anything frilly, but at least she accepts that. It'd be terrible if she was forcing me into those kind of outfits.

Ryuku would die of laughter.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

It's about 2 am in the morning and we - Mila, Senji and I - have just returned from a club.

I saw him. Lucas. He was running the club we went to - well, the club that Mila dragged me to. I never dreamed that the the master of chess - who almost beat me in a game, by the way - would be in charge of such a place! It had Barker's influence in it. I could feel it.

The darkness, the anger, the hatred...

Lucas had an odd grin on his face when I first spotted him. I just knew that he was involved with Barker and I wanted desperately to get. Out. Of. There. Then he suddenly appeared behind me. I shouldn't have turned my back for even a second, that's what I was telling myself, and I inwardly cursed and scolded myself. But then I realized that I'd been wrong. Sort of. At least to a point. Lucas was not like Barker, yet the path he's taking will definitely lead to the same fate in the end, and even though I told him this, he still wanted to follow the path of power.

And he asked me to join him.

Me? Join Lucas? Is he serious?! Surprisingly, yes. Lucas is very serious.

I'm hesitant to make a decision. If I should help Lucas get what he wants, then I wonder if I will feel any guilt or regret thereafter? Is this something I would do? I want to help him, but I really have no idea how I can. Still, I'm not going to abandon him. I may not help him take this path to power, but I can at least watch out for him. And any innocents along the way. Urgh, it's getting really late, but I'm not ready to go to sleep yet. I'm afraid I'll see Lucas when I close my eyes. Mila teased me all the way home because I'd been in one of those back rooms with him for a while. I let her tease me. Telling her what was really going on wouldn't help anything. I don't want her or Senji involved in this mess.

By the way, Senji is a terrible drunk. He gets really loud and stupid. So far, he holds a record of starting twenty - four bar fights while drunk without knowing what the hell he was doing or saying.

What an idiot.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

Too lazy to check the time or anything. I think it's the weekend.

Something strange happened today. It's really kind of hard to describe and even harder to believe. I was under the stairwell, typing on my stolen borrowed laptop when an odd sensation came over me.

The feeling was made up of emotions, thoughts and memories. And they were not my own. It was like watching a movie inside my head, but instead of just watching it, I could feel everything. I could sense the emotions. Any sounds that were heard where crystal clear. Smell was included, but it wasn't as strong as my hearing and sight.

The strongest, however, was the sense of emotion.

What I felt was astonishing. Pain, regret, hope, longing...who's emotions where these? Who's thoughts were these? Who's eyes were I looking through? Shutting my laptop, I went out and headed up the stairs. The moment I stepped up onto the landing, I saw her. It was Nill. She was sitting against the wall, a toy horse clutched in her little fingers as she made movements with it like it was walking across the cement.

It was her.

Suddenly, I understood what each emotion meant. The pain was because of all that had happened to her. I thought of this and felt my heart clench. Regret...she regretted leaving her mother behind. Though she could not speak, she had made it clear that she had escaped without her. And hope? That came from meeting me.

I smiled at this realization. I was glad that I could give her hope. But the last emotion that connected to a thought made my heart ache and I wanted to gather her into my arms and weep over her. She longed for a mother. A true mother who she could depend on and get guidance from. Someone who would accept her for who she was. I turned away, holding back my tears. I could not give Nill that. I was not motherly, nor could she depend on me the way she would a mother. I had already accepted her for who she was, but I could do no more.

I wish could, but it was not possible.

Nill, I'm sorry.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

It's night. Mila and Senji are asleep, but I don't know what time it is really. It'll be Tuesday tomorrow.

The power I just learned of is becoming stronger. I find that I am able to actually search for emotions, and if I know a person, I can look for them with my mind. Nill is the easiest to find. Her being a child is only half of the reason why. When I look for her, I'm searching for a light; a light that sparkles and is yellow like the sun. Unlike everyone else, there are no traces of black or red in her thoughts. I guess she doesn't know what hate is and I never find her angry.

The hardest person to locate is Senji. He has such a wide range of emotions and thoughts that it's quiet easy to lose track of him. His cousin, Mila is only slightly easier to find. She's usually bubbly and I know to search for the color of the ocean when I send out my mind to find her.

But she has a temper, so that can throw me off sometimes.

I haven't tried to seek anyone else really. I don't know that many people and I haven't seen Lucas for a while. I could try to look for him, but I have no idea what to search for. Another thing I found that I am capable of is feeling auras. They're basically black and white. You know, good and evil. If someone's aura is white, then I will know to always keep an eye out for the more positive emotions. A black aura will tell me to search for negative emotions.

Some people can sense me if I am not careful. I don't know if they can pinpoint my location if I am far enough away, but I don't want to take any chances. If a person with a dark aura realizes that someone is prying into their heads, I might be in trouble.

Rina Vade

[Rina Vade]

Morning. I think it's Thursday. It's probably around ten am and it's waaaay to early to be up, but...whatever.

There's a strange thing that I learned to do yesterday. I can send my entire mind out over an expanse of area and take in thoughts, memories, emotions and impressions left behind by people who have been through the area. Like if I went to a library and let my mind wander, I can sometimes pick up the thoughts of the readers from before. Often, I catch glimpses of memories embedded in the walls. I call this Farseeking, but sometimes this can be a disadvantage. If I'm not careful, I could wind up in some serious danger. While my mind is detached from my body, I stand or sit there like a doll. I can't control my body and mind at once when they are separated. It doesn't work that way.

Of course. Everything has to be complicated, right?

Thank goodness Mila chanced upon me while I was using Farseek. When I came to, she seemed upset and told me exactly what had happened. I vowed to make sure I was in a safe area if I where to ever Farseek again.

I don't really know what to tell Mila and Senji about this. I'm not sure if I should tell them at all. Mila wants to go shopping next week, but I refused. She pouted and sulked around the house for hours. Still is...and it's really getting on my nerves. And Senji won't shut up. He's blasting music and ignoring me when I yell at him to settle down. I'm SO glad the only neighbors we have are Experiments who aren't bothered by something as simple as loud music.

I'm gonna strangle that silver-haired jerk.

Rina Vade