Off Beat Deja Vu (Kevala)

[Mischa Badoer]

By the time they got to her car...)Which this model had been a ford viper... Mischa had never really been into Fords... But this one she thought was a sexy car.. S'pecially in the chrome purple she chose and without the cheesy racing stripes.) she had lost her high... Kay she was still high but she was a lot more coherent due to the fact she was used to harder stuff. She would let Kev in the passenger and she in the driver...

=========

Mischa climbed the stairs in her pizza shop she had owned since moving to America in the first place. She never sold it when moving and buying the other place when she had still been with Kev... The loft above the shop hadn't changed either after all she didn't even live there... It was only a get away place... Though since moving back she made it her home rather than the one on the beach from before she met Kev.

"Sorry it's a mess... Though I'm sure you expect that..." she would laugh nervously as she tossed the keys on the kitchen table Which had been riddled with various reciepts or dirty plates. The loft was lightly decorated... The main focus had always been the comics, electronics, and the hot tub outside on the deck. There was one picture that had been framed and it was Kev, Mischa, and the twins. All other pictures were stashed away... But this one stood atop a cluttered side table in the living room. "Anything to drink!"

[Kevala Badoer]

It was a nice car, and it seemed to scream Mischa....Kev herself didnt have any but a single SUV that Carmine usually had. Leaving Kev wherever she chose to go and going to do his own thing. So yeah, car ride there, Kev in the passenger seat, her fingers nervously toying with her pants, wearing a hole into them as she watched out the window.

Then they were there and as Kevala followed in behind Mischa, she looked about the place with a sense of curiosity. It was messy, and though Kevala had been used to Mischa always keeping their house clean, she had suspected that if the girl let herself go this badly then her surroundings would be as well.

"Well, you do seem rather busy.....So I guess it makes sense its a bit messy...."

She was nervous to, her fingers twirling her hair as she looked around still, eyes falling onto that picture and her heart dropping into her stomach.

Mind going back to when it was taken and a series of emotions flooding her senses. Yet the question asked brought her back, a little shake of her head to clear it.

"Umm...yeah water...thanks..."

Kev did not drink anymore, at least not unless she absolutely broke down.....which had not been in awhile. As for caffeine....she had seriously cut back. Finally realizing how hyper the damn stuff made her.

Moving around she eventually wound up standing just to the side of Mischa, absentmindedly cleaning up the area directly in front of her......stacking papers, gathering up trash and just distracting herself with what came natural to her.

"So, aside from....well...all the bad shit.....How have you been?"

A glance from the corner of her eye as she fidgetted a piece of paper about in her fingers. They had been together for so long, that naturally Kev wanted to fix the mess, just like she would do any time Mischa had been too busy or tired to clean at their home.

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa pulled out a glass and the pitcher of water from the fridge to get Kevala a drink. As she poured the drink her eyes glanced over at Kevala before a hand would reach out and lay ontop of hers to signify she didn't really want her to clean.

"I didn't invite you over to be a maid." she would say sternly followed by her handing the glass over to Kev.

Kev then broke the slight pause of silence with a question. Mischa thought it through, and she hadn't really been doing anything other than work and getting fucked up... Though she was sure she would be able to put it in a conversation without making it sound worrisome.

"Business is doing really good... I'm buying businesses other than pizza shops... I'm not really going out on dangerous jobs as much now because I'm kept busy with renovations and meetings... When I'm not at work I'm celebrating my new purchases....." which she had done tonight and so much did she want to have at er with that white powder in her little hidin spot in her room. "Oh.... And my brother is in town.. I almost killed him cause he popped in with a surprise on one of my jobs... But I'm glad he is here."

Mischa would lead Kevala to the couch where she would sit and pat the coushion. She would have asked how Kevala had been, but after that public display she would be afraid to hear the answer. "Still friends with Carmen?" and that was the best she had....

[Kevala Badoer]

Kev stopped cleaning, though her hands felt a bit idle and with her lately she did not like that. So, she dropped them to the side and wiggled her fingers just a bit. Listening the whole time to what Mischa had been up to.

Kev had been working on something,but as it stood even her art had suffered lately. She just didn't have the drive to do the pieces that people asked for.

"Carmine? Yes, he is the only person who has been with me constantly through this whole mess. He worries a bit too much, but I keep trying to tell him I am fine...."

She nodded, and then let out a soft sigh, having taken up the spot offered to her by Mischa as she settled her hands into her lap and began to fidget with the ends of her shirt. Trying her best to maintain eye contact but for her on any given day that was still a bit hard.....even if she was learning.

"Now, he sticks around I think because he doesn't want to see me alone. No matter how often I tell him to find another job......I mean, I still have money enough to keep him in service for the time being, but with my inability to continue my photography, I am starting to run low on funds. So eventually I will have to let him go."

She would regret that day when it came. He was the closest thing Kev had ever had to an actual father really.

"It is good that your brother is here though. I think it would do you some good having family around. Wish I could have met more of them while we were together, even if your Father was a bit.......unsure.........about me. "

That had been putting it lightly and they both knew it, yet still, she gave a soft laugh and continued to watch her hands as they managed to work a small hole into the end of her shirt.

"It would not be so bad for me if the medications were not so expensive. Not to mention, every time I turn around that doctor is increasing the dosage."

Noting that one of her cuffs had started to come unlaced, she shifted to try and fasten it back without being too obvious....Mischa already knew she had scars there, perhaps not as many as she did now or the fresh cuts she made almost daily, but Kev was not tying to hide this from her, she just was so used to having them on.

A small grumble as it turned out to be more difficult that usual due to her nervous and slightly shaky fingers....a few fresh cuts and that most prominent scar from the time both of them would never forget.....A blush forming on Kevs cheeks as she tried to duck her wrist out of sight, slighting turning her body, though not much.

"The doctors say that they are not sure why they cant fix this damn problem of mine.....But, at least I am only drinking from myself....o..or from stored....b..blood..."

She tried not to cringe at the thought. She hated the stuff, and truthfully it was why she was much paler than usual and why she seemed to weigh less as well. The less blood she drank, the more meds she took, the less food she desired. It was just a cycle effect really.

"You would be proud of me though. I have completely stopped drinking, and have not touched any drugs in awhile. Wanted to, really bad I admit, but without the ability to deal with people, can't exactly go and score ya know?"

She laughed once more, those icy hues dancing.......Though soon enough she was serious.

"I wish that you could at least slow down some Mischa....I worry about you so much....I know I dont have the right after all the nights I left you to do the same, but....I do no matter what..."

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa would listen to Kev... A lot of stuff seemed to be just kicking her in the ass... Especially financially. When it came down to it Mischa had the bigger income and so Kevala's art was more so for leisure, though she had good work and would make a decent wage from sales...

While she was speaking Mischa's eyes would scan the girl obviously appearing not to pay attention to her words though really she was... But she couldn't help but look at the cuff that had fallen off... And she and Mischa were both having a difficult time with it. She would reach over nonchalantly and do it up for her then not saying a word she would look at het cell phone.

Then she heard Kevala mention the drug use.

"Hm?" she would look up from her phone but realized what Kev was talking about. "Oh.. Ya, ya. Right... It's hard... I will work on it, but I'm not making any promises." she seemed too preoccupied with her phone which she wasn't doing on purpose... Mischa did mean well... After all she was just doin some online banking...

You know... The usual;

Large cash transfers into Kevala's account...

She would finally finish up and set it down on the table.. It making enough noise to stir Mr.Marvel whom came trotting into the room. And jumping up on the couch... Given the girth of the Husky he was sprawled out on the two girls and fell right back asleep.

"This is Mr.Marvel... I swear he thinks he is smaller than he is..." she was thankful he came in. It was a nice excuse to steer the subject away from her apparent drug problem.

[Kevala Badoer]

Kev had to admit it was a bit frustrating that Mischa was trying to ignore her, her mind working over how to control the anger she wanted to feel as she eyed the phone and just gave a rather defeated sigh.

"Mischa.....please...just...listen to me. I fucked up. Yes. But that doesn't mean I want to see the same happen to you..."

She put her hand to her forehead and rubbed her temples. She was stressed beyond all belief lately. What with fighting back her urges to drink other people's blood and those violent thoughts that kept creeping into her mind.

As Mischa fixed her cuff for her she smiled slightly, dropping her other hand from her head and taking a deep, calming breath.

"Thanks..."

The new arrival surprising Kev and making her tense up a little. She was not very good with sudden changes just yet, though she relaxed soon enough, a smile creeping onto her face.

"Well, they tend to think that a lot I am told."

Wanting to reach out and pet him.....her hand even making a hesitant move forward, but ultimately she pulled back. She just....was nervous...even if he was laid out across both her and Mischa.

"He is a beautiful dog though..."

A little nod, not sure what to do with her hands now since her lap was occupied.

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa would scratch at his ears and smile at the compliment that was intended towards her dog. Husky dogs did tend to be rather beautiful creatures.. Though she noticed Kev was having a hard time with Mr. Marvel. Having to admit she didn't get what dogs did to the girl... If she was comfortable rubbing against a human she couldn't see why a simple pat of the head to a dog would do any harm... But it was all just a touchy subject just like the subject Kev insisted on talking about.

"I can see where you are coming from... But if I do recall correctly; rehabilitation didn't help any last time I had checked in..." it was a slight jab. An addict could be easily snapped especially if confronted about said addiction. She also didn't like how Kev seemed to show interest now when really she needed it back when she had committed herself.

She would give a big pat to Mr. Marvel's rear and upper leg forcefully enough just to wake him up again. "come on... Get off... Go lay down" he would slowly make his way to his feet when finally he did so and found refuge from his doggy bed in the corner across the room. Mischa's gaze would avert back to the raven haired girl and smile... Still trying to change the subject. "I bought a few establishments." she would shrug. "Trying to turn a profit in a more legal way..."

[Kevala Badoer]

Honestly, Kev couldnt have said why she was having such trouble with actually petting the dog. She didn't understand it herself, so to explain would have been much harder. Still, she was relieved when he was patted and told to move, letting him crawl off onto the floor before she shifted her attention back to Mischa.

"Alright. You win. I am not going to fight with you over this whole rehab thing. Just...."

Her hand slid out and lightly rested atop Mischa's, fingers curling about to obtain a light grip as she gently squeezed in a reassuring and affectionate manner she could not help.

"Just please think about it. If you want to punish somebody. Punish me. Please. Don't keep doing it to yourself."

She spoke softly, a little sigh passing her lips as she reluctantly began to withdraw her hand from Mischa's, though not without her index finger tracing a small circle over the top of it. Force of habit once more, something she had done often when she had held Mischa's hand.

Soon after though her hand withdrew, not even noticing that her eyes had fallen to look at he fingers as they acted. Her mind wandering.

"I am glad you tried to go legit. But I think that illegal business side of you is just something in your blood. Its one of those things I loved about you. You were this cold, ruthless killer and drug dealer, money extortion and everything in between....yet you came home to me and you were this sweet, goofy and clumsy girl who seemed so gentle and fragile at times. Hell....all the time."

She laughed and shook her head. Her hand coming to her head where a throb had started from the voices nagging at the needs and wants for Mischa that it felt. That Kev felt.

"I was always so sure you would get hurt. So scared that you would get even the smallest scratch. Fuck! I was so goddamn selfish..."

She shook her head as she turned her body so that she once more sat facing forward completely, her head falling back onto the back of the couch as she stared up at the ceiling.

"I am sorry. I know you don't want to hear this, its just, you consume my mind and sometimes the thoughts just can't stay contained....I will try to stop. I promise. Please, just...be patient with me. This new me is rather hard for me to get a grip on at times. I still have not learned my own quirks and such."

Another laugh before she slowly drug her tongue across her lower lip, her hand brushing against her own thigh softly, just trying to keep her hands busy for fear they would seek out Mischa in their moments of being idle.

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa kept her mouth shut through the whole speech as well as just let Kevala hold her hand until she decided to let go herself. Mischa didn't really know what to say to the whole thing 'cause just about all of it could have been thrown into a debate which she didn't really want to get into. She didn't like havin to argue with Kev and the last thing she needed was for Mischa to bite her head off even when she tried making a compliment.

"Someday you will... Just as I will move
On eventually. If you never stop forgetting me... Remember that it doesn't mean you are still into me... We just have a lot of memories and I wouldn't want you to ignore them just as I will try to remember as much as I possibly can... But ya... You will find someone.. Then you can find something a bit more stable." she would smile as she tried to be reassuring.

"I'm getting tired.... Want to stay over? I can sleep on the couch." personally Mischa wouldn't mind sharing the same bed with the girl... It's not awkward or anything... Just Mischa wanted to make sure Kev had her own space for the reason of past scarring as well as she is probably not ready to sleep in the same bed.

[Kevala Badoer]

She smiled and nodded along with the whole little speech about finding somebody new. She knew in her heart that she would probably never find another person, and if she did, it would never ever be another Mischa....That right there left her to hurt, deep inside. But the smile hid it just as well as any fake smile she had ever worn before.

Then came the offer to stay the night, Kev feeling a bit out of place at the mention of Mischa sleeping on the couch. That felt wrong, and not just because of the fact she had grown so used to being in the same bed as the girl for years. But because this was her place.

"No no....We could share the bed. I..If you dont mind that is...Otherwise I will take the couch."

She nodded, that same soft smile on her lips as she reached up to lightly twirl a lock of hair about her finger. She was sure she could handle this. She had nightmares, sure....but they were not always the case, and well.....she could probably just make herself stay awake anyways.....

Nothing could possibly go wrong here. Nope.

She had it all under control.

[Mischa Badoer]

"...Otherwise I will take the couch."

That's all what needed to be said to convince Mischa to share beds. She preferred not to share the bed... She knew full well nothing good would come of it. Nothing. She would pucker her lips and furrow her brows in defeat as she started heading towards the room.

"Only if it helps..."

She assumed Kev would follow and if she did Mischa would pull out a pair of pajamas for her and Kevala. "You can get ready in here I will get ready in the bathroom.. Then I will give you your turn... I will see if I can find an extra toothbrush."

She would close the door and follow it up with locking it. She would dress as quick as she could. Before she brushed her teeth she would turn the tap on as she found a pipe and some rock. She needed a hit before bed so she did just that then brushed her teeth. Now feeling a hell of a lot better she would leave the bathroom with an unopened toothbrush in hand... Making sure Mischa didn't look Kev in the eye to avoid possibility of her pupils giving it away she would head to her side of the bed and herself in.

[Kevala Badoer]

She just nodded and followed along, not even bothering to try and gauge Mischa's emotions, because she knew damn well where they would be. Instructions given, she nodded once more and let Mischa go do her thing. Though when the girl came back out, Kev was not stupid, she already knew from the calmed emotional vibe, the way Mischa did not look at her and the scent that wafted from the now open bathroom what had gone on.

Did Mischa forget Kev used to do that stuff to? She knew the smell by heart.

Still she said nothing, more pain filling her heart as she took the toothbrush and moved her way into the bathroom. Maybe she should just give in and start back on the "drug" trail? That would certainly solve a lot of her problems, or at least while she was high it would.

Not completely pushing the thought away, she shrugged and went about brushing her teeth. Finding Mischa's brush and brushing her hair, and then stopping to change out of her clothes into the pj's that Mischa had given her. Folding her close neatly, more neat than she had ever been in her life, putting them in just the right spot and in the right order.

So, with her nightly ritual done, for the most part, given she was avoiding the cutting her wrists thing lately thanks to being hopped up on pills, she would exit the bathroom. Moving to the opposite side of the bed from Mischa and slowly laying down.

"Thanks.....f..for letting me stay...."

Yes...she had left the bathroom light on. Hopefully something that would go unnoticed....Kev used to sleep in pitch black darkness, now......well now she couldnt even if she wanted to. Her panic attacks and nightmares would not let her.

( OOC: Sorry for the delay in updating. My brain seems to be going extremely stupid and forgetful lately. XDD )

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa would look up at Kev as she thanked her. Mischa would nod with a smile as her legs would rub the bed back and forth. The fabric felt neat at this moment so she just kept wiggling and getting more and more comfy.

As time passed Mischa couldn't get any sleep. One could say it was a mixture of a bad trip as well as her being slightly necrotic. Her eyes were kept wide open as she stared at the window. When ever she would even try and close her eyes she would picture countless men she had shot... and as she thought of them she heard a gun shot. She would bounce a little. She couldn't tell if it was in her head or not, which it was, so she was worried someone was going to seek revenge. After all how many people has she pissed off.... extremely power people.... she did kill Aubrey and the other Seran boy. Gabriel was just an example of someone powerful.

She would clench tight to the sheets as her breath quickened. In her peripherals she would see Kev laying there which she had to check. You know that feeling... As a kid you would always check to see if your parents were there no matter how helpful they would be...it was just comforting knowing you weren't alone.... But of course Mischa would quietly wiggle herself closer to Kev just so her arm would brush against her....this way when she closed her eyes she would at least feel someone there with her.

Now slightly more comfortable she would fall asleep...not a peaceful sleep might I add... she still had the bad dreams... killing all those people were finally catching up to her and given she was naturally not that much of a brave girl made it ten times worse.

(ooc: sorry I just plopped out a quick post before I went to work on some drawings..thought you waited long enough...and i have a computer so i was taking advantage of it.)

[Kevala Badoer]

She couldn't sleep. She never could. Usually she just laid there and stared up at the ceiling, watching the shadows cast by the light from the corner of her eye. This being no exception, well aside from the fact that she could feel the emotions bubbling up around Mischa, could feel the bed shifting lightly under her each time that Mischa flinched.

Yet she did not move, figuring it would only make things worse. Though, as Mischa inched closer and closer, Kev kept her mind focused on the girl, noting the way that she tried to get just close enough to have her hand brush against Kev's arm.

It was strange. Kev was so used to being scared all the time that she thought herself the last person that could bring any sort of comfort to another in the darkness. Yet she seemed to be doing just that by being here.

A moment passed after Mischa had touched her before Kev would roll onto her side, her arm lacing around Mischa's waist and pulling the girl into her. Her hold firm, but at the same time gentle....a soft nuzzle to Mischa's neck.

"Its alright....I am here..."

She whispered softly before moving to pull back, figuring she might get her ass kicked out of bed for acting on impulse, but not regretting it. Rolling back onto her back as her arm slowly fell away from the other girl who laid beside her. A soft sigh as she tried to close her eyes.

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa would pretend she was sleeping when she felt the familiar touch. She didn't want to be visibly awake 'cause quite frankly she didn't want another forced kiss on her hands... But in the end Kev tool her arm back and Mischa kept close for the remainder of the night.

====

It was early. Mischa broke her sleeping pattern from over night jobs as well as the night life... She was also hungry. When Mischa was hungry don't even bother talking to er cause her main focus is getting food. Seeing as how she failed at cooking she would sneak away and go to a Tim Horton's Mcdonals a some good ol' breakfast sandwich.

As she got home if Kev hadnt left and was up she would hold up the bag with a large smile "I got breakfast!"

-or-

If Kev was asleep Mischa would put everything on plates and pour some juice playing it off as if she cooked the meal like she always had... it was obvious she didnt make it though but that was the joke...then she would sneak down the hallway to her room. She would approach the bed and tap on her shoulder with a smile. "Wakey Wakey.. Eggs and bakey... In sandwich form..."

(ooc: CHOOSE YOUR DESTINEY!!*yes I'm mocking role-play novels*)