Post by Silk Sanada on Dec 25, 2011 0:03:12 GMT -8
Date: 12/23/2011
I finally arrived in California. Leon has to be around here some where. I'm going to look for him later today. I have to admit... I'm scared. What if... what if something is wrong with him? What if he doesn't remember me? What if... he is dead? I know I know, I'm being an idiot again. Getting worried about things that haven't even happened yet. I'm sure he is fine. I mean... this is Leon we are talking about. Leon could get hit by a fucking train, get up, dust him self off and not have a scratch. Out of both of us... I think he is stronger... don't tell him I said that though. The asshole will get conceited about it.
Oh god... I wonder how our meeting will go. I know I said I wouldn't worry any more but, well... that was a lie. What if he asks me about Tenchi? I honestly don't think I could tell him what fully happened. If he knew... if he saw me weak... I don't know what I'd do. I'm tired of feeling so broken, so lost... I'm not even me any more. I traveled the world, did every thing I ever possibly wanted to do.... and I am still... not me. I want to be that girl I was in high school. The girl whose name struck fear into people. The girl who took on every one, got shot twice and kept moving. The girl who boys relied on when shit was going bad. The one they called when they needed a night out, a fight all in the same night. Where is she? Where has she gone?
I know... it is hard to come back after the pregnancies. I know that having a divorce so soon after the loss of those babies...was a bad idea. I needed time to heal but... how could I heal with Tenchi out there with Nakia...loving her... spending time with her. Now I look back... I was only a place holder. I don't want to be that way any more. I'm Silk god dammit! I'm THE ONE AND ONLY knightess! Screw this fear crap. Screw this 'I'm worthless' and all that self pity shit! I'm taking Bandit and Aiko out NOW and we are going to find Leon, he and I are going to sit down. We will catch up on our lives, I will hug him, kiss him, probably cop a feel on his butt and I will be Silk again!
I'm out of here Losers! Later!
I finally arrived in California. Leon has to be around here some where. I'm going to look for him later today. I have to admit... I'm scared. What if... what if something is wrong with him? What if he doesn't remember me? What if... he is dead? I know I know, I'm being an idiot again. Getting worried about things that haven't even happened yet. I'm sure he is fine. I mean... this is Leon we are talking about. Leon could get hit by a fucking train, get up, dust him self off and not have a scratch. Out of both of us... I think he is stronger... don't tell him I said that though. The asshole will get conceited about it.
Oh god... I wonder how our meeting will go. I know I said I wouldn't worry any more but, well... that was a lie. What if he asks me about Tenchi? I honestly don't think I could tell him what fully happened. If he knew... if he saw me weak... I don't know what I'd do. I'm tired of feeling so broken, so lost... I'm not even me any more. I traveled the world, did every thing I ever possibly wanted to do.... and I am still... not me. I want to be that girl I was in high school. The girl whose name struck fear into people. The girl who took on every one, got shot twice and kept moving. The girl who boys relied on when shit was going bad. The one they called when they needed a night out, a fight all in the same night. Where is she? Where has she gone?
I know... it is hard to come back after the pregnancies. I know that having a divorce so soon after the loss of those babies...was a bad idea. I needed time to heal but... how could I heal with Tenchi out there with Nakia...loving her... spending time with her. Now I look back... I was only a place holder. I don't want to be that way any more. I'm Silk god dammit! I'm THE ONE AND ONLY knightess! Screw this fear crap. Screw this 'I'm worthless' and all that self pity shit! I'm taking Bandit and Aiko out NOW and we are going to find Leon, he and I are going to sit down. We will catch up on our lives, I will hug him, kiss him, probably cop a feel on his butt and I will be Silk again!
I'm out of here Losers! Later!
