I'm the Scene; You're the Director (Kevala/Mature)

[Mischa Badoer]

You kiss me...get the best of me.

Mischa looked up and through the tattered roof. She could faintly see the stars through all the pollution... It brought comfort just looking into the sky knowing they were there... knowing that there was beauty still in this fucked up world. Hopefully like the stars... if she just looked hard enough she could find it.

She sat up looking over at the small velvet pouches. She had two lined up. Both were the bane to her existence. She picked up the pouch on the right and opened it letting the contents pour onto the barrel. The right tools to get her fucked up for 10 minutes. The right tools to help her try to find that first high... the right tools that helped masked the hidden beauty. She fisted it all and tossed it in a trash.

Mischa pressed a fist to her forehead as she felt sick to her stomach. She grabbed the pouch on the left, drawing the strings tighter to reassure it had been closed properly.

She would pick up her phone and scroll through the names until she found Kevala.... Right now she needed her friend. It was safe to say Mischa had no close friends..... none as special as Kevala that's for sure.

"Lets grab something to eat???"

She would text Kev and if she wanted to then she would give her the name of the fast food place Mischa had always went to back when she lived in the beach house. The place had good chow and the location would probably ease her... given the fact she would be in a more familiar environment.... may it still be in tact?

She would slip on a black cardigan and would head out to the spot... She would get there early.... and wait outside. Mischa was leaning against the brick wall just beside the glass door looking and hoping to find Kevala.

[Kevala Badoer]

She laid there, staring up at the ceiling, a heavy sigh passing her lips as she closed her eyes and jammed her fingers into her hair. Another night of little to no sleep, something that was becoming all too familiar for her. Not that she really needed sleep....every time she tried it was one nightmare after another.

But were her waking hours that much more pleasant?

Not really. It was haunted memories of her tortured past that plagued her just as badly as the nightmares seemed to do. Shifting upon the bed just slightly, one hand moved down and absentmindedly brushed against the scars on the inside of her right thigh...A tremble shaking her muscles just slightly as she balled her hand into a fist and slammed it down onto the bed. The scent of the hotel room making her stomach turn. It was so generic, it was so....plain. Most of all, it was not home. But then, when was the last time she had been comforted by that scent, or by any of the things that truly brought her peace?

Heh...She honestly could not remember.

Drawing in a deep breath, she rolled onto her side, eyes opening to look at the table where her weapons laid, hand extending and wrapping around the handle of one of the knives that Gabriel had given her. Pulling it to her and letting her icy gaze travel along the blade. A thousand thoughts racing through her mind. How easy it would be to just...end it. To just stop hurting people and most of all...how easy it would be to just...stop hurting.

Nobody knew she was here. Save for Carmine. But he was out of town for the next day or so tending to her business in San Diego. By the time he got back.......

Her fingers shifted the knife about so that she had enough room to move and undo the cuffs about her wrists...letting them fall where they would and eyes tracing the scars that usually laid hidden beneath the leather.

She had been in this dark place for weeks now. Having pretty much resigned herself to staying away from everyone. She had withdrawn, both socially and mentally. For a few days now she had even been ignoring her phone when it went off. She didn't care anymore. She couldn't. Her life seemed to be a never ending cycle of one bad move after another. It was never going to change, it was always going to be the same old shit simply put on repeat.

But she could stop it. She could make it end right here. Right now.

The sound of her phone going off caused her to jump, a silent curse muttered under her breath as she closed her eyes and threw the knife back onto the table along with the others.

"Fuck!"

A little growl released as she shifted to sit up, snatching up the phone, fully intent upon ignoring whoever it was that had messaged her and going back to her own self pity and darkness...She liked it there.

At least, that had been the plan until she saw who it was that had texted her.

Mischa....

Her hand gripped the phone tighter and for a split second she thought to throw it into the wall. To just stop the suffering before it even started. To see the girl would probably push her deeper into her own madness and self destruction...but to not see her....

She shook her head, punching out a reply agreeing to the meeting and then waiting for the location. Once she got it, she would drag her ass out of bed and pull on a pair of jeans...Not bothering to change out of the white tank top that she had on, despite the small red stains around the hem from her last little....tiff. Same with the jeans, a few dark patches were blood had dried from the last time they were worn.

Wouldn't be the first time Mischa saw her with blood on her...Running a brush through her hair, she made herself look as presentable as possible, making sure to tie her cuffs back on before arming herself and heading out the door.

It wouldn't take her long to get to the meeting spot, and even less time to spot that all too familiar face, her hands stuffing into her pockets as she moved closer, eyes averting to the ground after a few moments.

"Hey. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

A glance upward, feeling her heart start to quicken, though she tried her best to make it stop. She knew nothing good could come of it, so it was best to keep it under control.

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa stared down at her phone so as not too look like a loner.... at least in her head it would...that and it would help pass the time waiting for Kev.

"Hey. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Mischa would hear her voice. A smile spread on her lips before she would even make eye contact with her face.

"I needed some company.... And... I have some stuff I just need to talk about.... ya know... the kind of shit that will run free in your mind until you go insane...unless you just let it out and tell someone???"

She dragged on the sentence longer than she needed to. With Kevala's presence came a nervousness. She was scared she was going to be judged hard core. Though what was there to lose right?

Mischa would pull the door open while facing Kev and would make a small gesture for the girl to enter first and she would enter shortly after. If this happened she would walk somewhat with a distance and of course trying not to stare at the blood that littered her clothing.

"I would like a chocolate milk shake..." she would turn to Kev "'Cause I'm five...." she would then turn back to the boy "And make that to go please and thank you."

Mischa would wait for her to order what ever she wanted....if she wanted anything and after that was done she would pay for both orders having no problem with it. "If you don't mind we can walk and talk?" she would start heading for the door though stopping if Kev would object... but she really hoped she wouldn't cause nobody would wanna spill their deep dark secrets in front of a boy who was breaking out and undoubtedly listening in for the lawls and boredom.

[Kevala Badoer]

She arched her brow slightly. The nervousness was apparent, and for the life of her, Kevala could not figure out what there was to be nervous about. Still she didn't really comment on that, and instead let Mischa get her sentence out before she would nod just slightly.

"Yeah, I know what you mean..."

The kind of stuff we keep to ourselves?

Yeah, that kinda stuff...

She would then move through the door as it was held open, her hands finally pulling from within her pockets and moving lightly cross over her chest as she stood by the register, eyes glancing toward Mischa and grinning slightly as she ordered. May have seemed juvenile to most, but to Kev, that was just one of the many things she had loved about the girl. When it was her turn she would glance over the menu her head tilting just slightly. She had stopped eating pretty much, save for a snack here and there....but she didn't want to be rude either.

"Lemonade...Large.."

She was going for the lowest sugar content available short of getting a glass of water. Kev and sugar never had mixed very well. Once she got her drink she would glance back toward Mischa, her brow once more raising, if only just a bit. She got the sense that something was going on here, but she could not quite figure out what it was.

"Yeah, sure...that's fine with me."

She nodded, moving to follow after Mischa. It was probably best, even if she didn't realize it. She would have had to snap that kids neck if he had commented or laughed or done anything to make light of whatever Mischa had to say, and yeah....Kev usually knew better than to kill somebody in a public place.

Once outside, she would take a drink of her lemonade and then nudge her boot against the ground, taking a moment before she spoke up.

"What's going on? Not that I am complaining, but yeah...I know you. Something's up..."

This time her eyes were a bit more concerned, a bit more curious. She was not stupid, she knew when Mischa had something to say that was probably going to either break Kev's heart or make her mad or just all around fuck with her mind. She had been with her long enough to learn...even if it had always seemed like she wasn't paying attention.

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa's brow would raise as Kev just wanted Mischa to spit it out. She would chuckle slightly as she started walking towards the beach.

"Jesus, Woman. Let me have my own pace. she would say with a large smile while biting down on the straw...which would only make the milkshake enter her mouth in liquid form rather than the solid.

It wasn't far to the beach.... Mischa would walk in silence for the time being wondering where to start off. By the time they reached the beach she had drank 1/3 of her drink... due to the fact she had it glued to her mouth using it as an excuse to not talk. She would finally look over to Kevala as she continued to walk in the direction of where the old house had been. She could see in the distance it was no longer there.... but the house wasn't what she was looking for on this vast beach.

So I wanted to let you know....that I'm kicking my habit. the way she said it was a tad dark...just to signify what habit she was talking about. Though in essence it was good news. "I've just been thinking you know.... How I want to just start clean again... I miss it a lot.... I'm not the same person that I had been and I find that the person I've become was the result in trying to find who I am.... When really... I didn't need to find her.... I didn't have to change.

Mischa would smile at the small resolve in her life that was eating her life away. It had been a month she started quitting. She knew that once an addict you were always an addict, but she also knew that if she waited 'til she was more clean it would be easier to talk about this stuff with Kevala.

"Though.... this is all only a fraction of what I want to talk about.... she would pause before throwing out her cup into a nearest trash can as she walked passed. She would just wait for any feedback from Kev....she didn't want to just over load the girl with all this stuff.

[Kevala Badoer]

Kevala was never one to be known for her patient nature, that was for sure, but she would simply smile a bit and lower her head slightly in order to capture her straw in her mouth, taking in a few big sips before she glance up along the beach. She knew where she was, and she knew what had laid up ahead at one point....but she wasn't going to say anything.

She had been here many times over the past few months since she came back to Long Beach, and each time she had sat there, right in front of where the house used to be and looked out over the ocean kicking herself in the ass for the life she could have had. Still, she wasn't going to bring that up. She had learned that talking to Mischa about the past was a bad idea, and that nothing good came of it.

Then, as if to pull her out of her own thoughts, as usual, Mischa spoke up finally. Attention instantly diverted back to the girl at her side instead of her own memories...

As the words rolled past Mischa's lips, Kev couldn't help but feel a wave of relief wash over her. A soft sigh passing her lips as a weight seemed to instantly be lifted off of her. Even her body seemed to relax a bit more. It had been bothering her since she came back, this addiction that Mischa had....to know that she was finally going to try and stop made Kevala feel that much better.....Even if it was just a bit in the grand scope of things.

"No...you didn't have to change..You were always the most amazing person I had ever known...."

She shifted her eyes away, drawing in a soft breath as she tossed her half empty drink into the trash can and closed her eyes for a moment. She had promised not to do this, but given the topic, she really saw no choice.

"I was the one that needed to change...I should never have put you through what I did....I am sorry that I ever made you feel like who you were was not good enough..."

She didn't have to have anyone put the blame on her, she shouldered it fully and accepted it. She always had. She knew that she had messed up.....more than she would ever be able to make up for.

"I am glad that you finally see that you are not the problem though...I have been worried about you............More than you will ever know.."

Her words trailing off as she stuffed her hands into her pockets once more and kept her eyes down toward her feet. Around everyone else, she had to keep them up, to look like she was all stubborn and prideful and all that other shit. Around Mischa, she acted like she felt.....Ashamed and full of regret and self loathing....Though she tried her best to mask just how bad it had gotten over the past few weeks.

The knowledge that there was more though seemed to make her go back on edge, if only slightly. She never knew how these "talks" were going to turn out with Mischa, she always just sorta bowed her head and hoped for the best...

[Mischa Badoer]

Mischa being a lot more calm than she had been the past few months would let Kevala speak.

"Ya...but listen... I also realized something else. You put me through a lot.... but a lot of it was my fair share, but was always left unblamed. Though besides the point.... we would always be together. That's what was so awesome."

Mischa stopped at a certain point. It was still a distance from her house, but it was around that very area that she was looking for.... probably not the EXACT spot... but close none the less.

"You see.... I've done some things I'm not proud of.... and in reality I really shouldn't really have to mind...but given my situation...it makes me feel guilty. she was talking about the people she had "been" with.

"One of my biggest regrets was leaving you after I got you out of the asylum. It wasn't fair no matter how much you want to argue. I'm not perfect and I know you will try to take blame but here is the thing.... Given the situation I was fucked up.... and scared you would leave me again... so I thought I would be smart and leave you first...thought it would do little damage... it did more damage than I thought. Mischa would look away from the ocean and stare over at Kevala. "But... I want to grow from that mistake...I don't want to forget it.... it reminds me that this world can throw some really fucked up curve balls my way...but it won't change the way I am.... and quite frankly.... the way I am isn't complete without you.

She would slowly release her breathe. "This isn't cool of me or anything....and I'm not trying to mind fuck you right now..... and this speech isn't in anyway shape romantic.... but really... what we have gone through we don't need the theatrics.

She would point to the ground around her. "This is the best I can offer as far as romantic gestures."

Mischa would reach for Kevala's hands."This spot... is where I told you I love you for the first time..."

A shaky breath would escape her lips before dropping down to one knee.

"I regret losing you... she would wrap her arms around her waist and pressed her cheek to her stomach...resting it there. "But that's why I'm here now. I want you to marry me... I want to get the twins back.... I want to make this family work... we can run away from all this and go to Italy... and I won't take no for an answer.......ok.... I will take no for an answer if it makes you happy.... but I would rather not for my own selfish act..." Mischa would look up at Kevala with watery eye as she pushed her hand into her pocket pulling out the black pouch. She would open it and let the ring drop into her palm.

"Please...." Her smile was weak due to the fear pulsing in her heart.

[Kevala Badoer]

She stayed silent even though she felt her stomach starting to turn into knots with each word that left the other girl's mouth. The more and more the conversation went on, the more and more Kev felt confused, lost and uncertain.

Where was this headed? What was going on?

The spot the stopped in was a spot that Kev knew all too well, she remembered everything from her time with Mischa, she knew every special spot, she knew every memory by heart. A lot of things she had forgotten in her life, a lot of things she wanted to forget...but not this, not any of it.

When the mention of blame came up, Kev opened her mouth to speak, to tell Mischa that it wasn't her fault, that she had understood...eventually...But she was silence easily enough, simply biting her lower lip and forcing the words back as she looked over the ocean and then back toward Mischa.

The sight of the woman dropping to one knee before her was enough to make Kev's confusion hit an all time high, yet at the same time, she felt her breath catch in her throat and felt her heart start to race within her chest. She was a smart girl, but sometimes she didn't catch on until the last moment.....For example...now.

She felt those arms wrap around her waist, felt her head press against her stomach and her entire body seemed to relax at the sensation, her hand coming up and small fingers idly brushing through the other girl's hair as she closed her eyes, feeling tears start to burn within them as she let Mischa finish what she had to say....

She would not open her eyes until she felt Mischa pull away, eyes looking down at her and spotting the tears starting to build within her gaze, only proving to provoke more tears from Kev, a few spilling down her cheeks as she reached up to wipe them away.

She was at a loss here...eyes going to the ring and then back to Mischa as she tried to find her voice amid all the chaos in her mind.

"Mischa I..."

She didn't know what to say...She really didn't. Her knees giving out on her as she lowered herself down onto the sand, level with Mischa now as she reached out and rested her hand against the other girl's cheek, thumb brushing softly against her. She loved the way that she felt beneath her touch, she always had.....she was constantly haunted by memories of it....craving it...needing it...

Now, with the possibility of having her again...so damn close...she was frozen on what to do.

"Y..You are sure? This is what you want?"

She was scared. Terrified...and not just because she could feel Mischa's fear, but because she herself had tons of it. Scared she would mess up, scared she would hurt her again....

She leaned in, her forehead coming to rest against Mischa's. Needing to feel her there, needing to breath in that familiar scent, to feel comfort and peace.....the first of it she had felt in a very long time....She had to relax before her panic kicked in.

"Baby....I love you...you know I do. But I am messed up. T..The things they did to me....The way I am now..."

She had never fully disclosed to Mischa the details of her little asylum adventure or the after affects of such...She had never gotten the chance..Yet even as she spoke her hand reached out and grasped hold of Mischa's which held the ring...fingers brushing against the small circular piece of jewelry which in a sense represented her entire future...Such a small object and yet it came with so much.....

"I don't want to hurt you anymore....I ...I am scared.."

She had no shame in admitting that to Mischa. Of all the people she knew, she was the only one that Kev knew she could be weak around and not risk being destroyed....

[Mischa Badoer]

she let Kevala speak. Every word driving her stomach to turn faster and faster....waiting...hoping...anticipating the answer..... but finally she didn't receive any out right answer and it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear.

Mischa would look away from and towards the sand as her lip began to quiver and her hand gripped tight to the ring and that as well started to tremble.

"I-I....I'm hurt every day without you...I... you...you could hurt me once and we could make it better....its happened before.... if it wasn't meant to be I wouldn't have you on my mind every fucking minute.... and if we weren't meant to be...then why would all of this be worth it? Just to be with you...

She would shrug before dropping to her other knee and sitting on her feet. "I... want to help you......it will also help me... I love you.... she sounded defeated...scared that she missed her last chance.

[Kevala Badoer]

She saw that lower lip quiver, she felt her heart starting to break. She hated to see Mischa like this, it killed a part of her that she had though long ago had died. The part of her that was only complete and alive when she was with the other girl currently kneeling before her.

She didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to do.....

No...she knew...she was just scared....Terrified.

Yet as Mischa finished speaking, Kev drew in a deep breath and let her hand come up to softly brush against the girl's cheek once more, turning her head so that they were once more facing each other. She thought to say something, but she knew that nothing she said could compare to how she felt right now. So instead, she tilted her head and leaned in, lips pressing against Mischa's....softly at first and then with more force. Not overly so, but almost desperate...as if she were seeking for something.....

Which she was....She was seeking for that familiar comfort, for that sense of peace and happiness she only felt with Mischa...Her tongue softly brushing against the girl's lips...working to deepen the kiss....every emotion and every bit of her own love and desperate need poured into it.....a soft whimper...pleading...

[Mischa Badoer]

She waited for something... but still no answer. Even worse... no words..... Mischa Just sat there... When she met up with her she wasn't trying to psych herself out by assuming all would go dandy..... but it still sucked more than she even expected..... she thought.... worst scenario she says no and they can carry on as friends.... but what it actually felt like was she says no and her stomach is getting twisted and her heart is getting squeezed so tight it bursts all at the same time.

Kev would the move her face so they could be in view with each other... for a moment Mischa refused to look into her blue eyes for fear hearing her refuse while looking at her would just be ten times worse... Though when she finally did...instead of hearing the answer she felt her lips press against hers.

At first she didn't entirely kiss back and her eyes were open in shock.... but when she felt that kiss growing more and more intense her eyes shut and she kissed back.. boy did she ever. Her hand still gripped onto the ring, but the fist was balled up and pressing at the nape of her neck as her other hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. It wasn't a sexual gesture it was merely just wanting to hug her tight.... that feeling you get hugging someone special and you just have the need to squeeze the shit out of them.

Mischa would respond to her whimper with one of her own before parting from the girl.... giving her one last kiss before burying her face into her neck and holding her tight not wanting to let go scared that even after that she would simply say no.

[Kevala Badoer]

She felt her kiss back and with such a simple gesture Kevala felt all her worry and upset starting to fade away. She started to feel......normal. Well as normal as Kev herself could ever possibly feel.

It wasn't until that moment that she realized that she had been feeling like something other than herself since the two had called it quits. She had been feeling as though she were...lost...always trying to recapture who she was and never quite being able to obtain it. Not until this moment.

Feeling Mischa pull away and bury her face against Kev's neck, her hand would come up and brush softly through her hair, her small frame pressed against Mischa's as she closed her eyes. A few moments later, her free hand moved to the hand which held that ring, fingers prying it open as she pulled herself back from the other girl. A little, weak smile pressed across her lips.

"Yes..."

She barely got the word out. Her breath not wanting to come nor was the rate of her heart wanting to decrease. She was a nervous wreck right now, her hands shaking as she took the ring and slid it upon her finger....letting it settle into place and feeling that odd sense of comfort at having it back in place.

Though once it was, both hands would move to capture Mischa's face, pulling her in and kissing her that much harder, that much more passionately. This was not going to be as simple as either of them would like for it to be, but she knew it was what she wanted, what she needed...

After a long moment, she pulled back, resting her forehead against Mischa's as she closed her eyes.

"Just....marry me now...Like..Right now. Please...."

It was a tad bit impulsive and she knew she was likely to get shot down...reasoned with...whatever. But Kev had always been impulsive with Mischa and for the most part it had worked out. She just wanted to do this...to finally reach that point they had worked the last few years to get to. To make it real and to know that nothing was going to take it away from her.

[Mischa Badoer]

She grabbed the ring from her hands... The answer finally coming forth. Mischa's eyes welled up in tears as a few sobs escaped her mouth. She was basically full blown crying. Out of sheer happiness now...and she wasn't so scared any more now that the hard part was over.

After the kiss she looked into her eyes. Normally Mischa would say no lets make it special.... but as she said before... they don't need the theatrics and quite frankly at the point she wanted it done. No good could come out of waiting.

"As long as we don't have a photographer..." Mischa would say short of breath from crying as well as letting out a laugh...still excited about her feat...

Mischa would stand...feeling a burst of energy...she would tug Kevala up with her and hug her tight as she lifted her off the ground slightly as she squealed like an excited school girl.

"But...where would we go....at this time of night...

[Kevala Badoer]

As Mischa cried, Kev's fingers worked to brush away tears. She knew they were tears of happiness, but honestly....she still couldn't stand to see them streaking down that pretty face.

Yet the happiness that poured from the other girl had her smiling, rather brightly at that...A little laugh escaping her as she was tugged up, shaking her head slightly as she grasped Mischa's wrist and tugged her forward, her free arm wrapping about her waist.

"Ah, but you are marrying a photographer...Remember?"

A little grin before she tilted her head and nipped Mischa's jawline playfully...A little shrug as she pulled back and released her hold on the other girl...

"Anywhere you wish to go is fine with me.....Or we could do the very cliche thing and hit up Vegas...I have the SUV, the money and more than enough time to spare...."

She knew, that she would have to explain herself to a few people...one in particular...but right now...her mind was focused on that which she needed...and that was Mischa..It had always been Mischa and she felt horrible for pretending otherwise....but at the time, she had meant it...or thought she did....

Yet those were thoughts for later...for now, she was more concerned with this, with their future and about finally having what they both had wanted for so long.

[Mischa Badoer]

"Ah, but you are marrying a photographer...Remember?"

"Hey now..... still hasn't sunk in.... its too good to be true! that wasn't a shot at trying to be cheesy it was her trying to be cheesy to make a joke..... if that makes sense? But none the less....

"Anywhere you wish to go is fine with me.....Or we could do the very cliche thing and hit up Vegas...I have the SUV, the money and more than enough time to spare...."

"Vegas on three conditions....I pay.... We pick up beef jerky.......... and we get Elvis to marry us."


````Two Days Later`````

It wasn't exactly at the moment they wanted to get married... but it would have been impossible to get into Vegas that fast and find a hotel.... and clean up and buy some clothes... then even find a decent place to get married.

Now she stood by the reverend and discussed the legal terms and want not and getting the fee paid as she waited for Kevala to get ready. She didn't get anything special to wear... but she thought she was clever by getting a blazer and acting the part as the dude...

"There... ready when you two are."

"Perfect." Mischa's smile lit up.