Post by Lucien DeChain on Jan 12, 2013 13:36:51 GMT -8
{OOC: THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER ALL THREADS THAT ARE CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS, AND EVERY THREAD THAT I POST IN AFTER THIS WILL BE CONSIDERED AFTER THIS IN CANON. You'll see why if you read it. I've been working on this as a side project over Christmas break, and have been waiting for the right time to post it. Now is as good a time as any, so I'll shut up now.}
PART 1
It was a dark night, and a cold one, too. The chill of the wind bore down into the soul.
Lucien wandered, through the barren streets, a thick sweater around him. He had departed from the Crow's nest when it was light out, and his feet had started to hurt after a few hours of walking. At this point, it didn't matter where he was going, as long as it was silent, and nowhere near Barker Territory. He needed to think. Normally this kind of deep thought was reserved for a meditation room, but something told him that he needed to be outside, to see something. So, he wandered.
He thought about the Crows. How they had saved him that first time. Saved. More like abducted. Lucien smiled. Before that, I hadn't known anything about what happened. The incident was just a benign object in space and time. And, in a sense, so was I.
A gust of wind blew past Lucien, tousling his hair slightly. He swiftly retrieved the comb from his pocket and pulled it through his hair exactly sixteen times.
It wasn't until after I became a Crow that I actually felt a part of something. I hadn't felt responsible, no one had ever held me accountable to anything. They left me alone, afraid that interfering would cause me another compulsion. Like they were afraid of me. Now, though, I finally feel.. Home.
Lucien found a nice patch of grass, free of any debris or dust, and sat down.
And, I felt like I had a family again. People to help me with my mission, and help me with myself. At that time, I felt ready. Ready to face Mr. Barker, to ask him why. Why he killed all those people, why he killed my parents. Like finding out his answer would find me some kind of peace. I was wrong on all counts, wasn't I?
He looked around, and realized that this was near to the spot where he first met his other new friends.
Raikotsu, Rose, Uncle Leon, Sider... At that time, I was just along for the ride, wasn't I? I felt a responsibility to help them, even though they weren't Crows. “Hah,” He laughed slightly, “Crows, Dragons, Experiments, they're only distinctions we make. There's really no difference at all.”
As he spoke into the darkness, he thought about that extraction mission.
It was so short, but it felt like a lifetime... Before I knew it, I was calling the Crows to help rescue Mr. Zack Asiv. But, really, it was to rescue me. I was so sure of myself that I feigned capture into a compound of Mr. Barker, and it turned out Mr. Barker was there. And I couldn't do a thing. Not a damn thing about it. All I could do was run.
Something rattled around in his brain, a word, just a word. He felt for it, sought after it. It was something his Sensei had told him so many years ago, before all this.
Why?
“Because I was weak.” He replied audibly. No one was around to hear it, so it was almost like he didn't make a sound.
Why? It continued.
“Well, because I haven't eaten...”
Why?
“I vowed I wouldn't eat, until I could be in a place of peace.”
Why?
“My compulsions wouldn't let me eat when I wasn't.”
Why?
“Why what? I don't have any control over this disorder. It controls me.”
And yet, it still continued. Why?
After a moment, Lucien replied. “I let it control me. It makes me feel safe.”
Why?
“Because, bad things happen when people aren't at safety.”
Why?
“They get themselves into situations where they can't escape.”
WHY?
“They're foolish. Which means I'm foolish.”
WHY?
“Because I won't eat, and yet I want to be strong!”
WHY?
“BECAUSE I NEED TO PRESERVE HUMAN LIFE! I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE CAN LIVE, AND THAT MEANS I NEED TO KILL SEAN BARKER!!!!”
Click.
His eyes opened. He hadn't realized he had been squeezing them closed. His whole body was tense, and shaking. It had been, he suddenly realized, for months. It was the kind of tension that you never feel, until you relax. As his various muscles let go of their tension, Lucien found himself... weak. He was the most fatigued that he had ever felt in his life. His whole body begged for rest, for peace. And his stomach, his stomach cried. How had he not felt this before? The hunger that came over him then, it was like nothing else.
OH GOD I'M SO FUCKING HUNGRY.
Lucien suddenly found himself on his feet, with something driving him. He had purpose again, and it wasn't compromised by his Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. As he found his bearings, slightly dizzy, he took a step. It seemed stable enough, so he took another, and fell.
But he got back up. Yes, he had a drive to keep going, now. And he would go start himself on the path he needed to take. But first, there was one thing he needed to do.
PART 1
It was a dark night, and a cold one, too. The chill of the wind bore down into the soul.
Lucien wandered, through the barren streets, a thick sweater around him. He had departed from the Crow's nest when it was light out, and his feet had started to hurt after a few hours of walking. At this point, it didn't matter where he was going, as long as it was silent, and nowhere near Barker Territory. He needed to think. Normally this kind of deep thought was reserved for a meditation room, but something told him that he needed to be outside, to see something. So, he wandered.
He thought about the Crows. How they had saved him that first time. Saved. More like abducted. Lucien smiled. Before that, I hadn't known anything about what happened. The incident was just a benign object in space and time. And, in a sense, so was I.
A gust of wind blew past Lucien, tousling his hair slightly. He swiftly retrieved the comb from his pocket and pulled it through his hair exactly sixteen times.
It wasn't until after I became a Crow that I actually felt a part of something. I hadn't felt responsible, no one had ever held me accountable to anything. They left me alone, afraid that interfering would cause me another compulsion. Like they were afraid of me. Now, though, I finally feel.. Home.
Lucien found a nice patch of grass, free of any debris or dust, and sat down.
And, I felt like I had a family again. People to help me with my mission, and help me with myself. At that time, I felt ready. Ready to face Mr. Barker, to ask him why. Why he killed all those people, why he killed my parents. Like finding out his answer would find me some kind of peace. I was wrong on all counts, wasn't I?
He looked around, and realized that this was near to the spot where he first met his other new friends.
Raikotsu, Rose, Uncle Leon, Sider... At that time, I was just along for the ride, wasn't I? I felt a responsibility to help them, even though they weren't Crows. “Hah,” He laughed slightly, “Crows, Dragons, Experiments, they're only distinctions we make. There's really no difference at all.”
As he spoke into the darkness, he thought about that extraction mission.
It was so short, but it felt like a lifetime... Before I knew it, I was calling the Crows to help rescue Mr. Zack Asiv. But, really, it was to rescue me. I was so sure of myself that I feigned capture into a compound of Mr. Barker, and it turned out Mr. Barker was there. And I couldn't do a thing. Not a damn thing about it. All I could do was run.
Something rattled around in his brain, a word, just a word. He felt for it, sought after it. It was something his Sensei had told him so many years ago, before all this.
Why?
“Because I was weak.” He replied audibly. No one was around to hear it, so it was almost like he didn't make a sound.
Why? It continued.
“Well, because I haven't eaten...”
Why?
“I vowed I wouldn't eat, until I could be in a place of peace.”
Why?
“My compulsions wouldn't let me eat when I wasn't.”
Why?
“Why what? I don't have any control over this disorder. It controls me.”
And yet, it still continued. Why?
After a moment, Lucien replied. “I let it control me. It makes me feel safe.”
Why?
“Because, bad things happen when people aren't at safety.”
Why?
“They get themselves into situations where they can't escape.”
WHY?
“They're foolish. Which means I'm foolish.”
WHY?
“Because I won't eat, and yet I want to be strong!”
WHY?
“BECAUSE I NEED TO PRESERVE HUMAN LIFE! I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE CAN LIVE, AND THAT MEANS I NEED TO KILL SEAN BARKER!!!!”
Click.
His eyes opened. He hadn't realized he had been squeezing them closed. His whole body was tense, and shaking. It had been, he suddenly realized, for months. It was the kind of tension that you never feel, until you relax. As his various muscles let go of their tension, Lucien found himself... weak. He was the most fatigued that he had ever felt in his life. His whole body begged for rest, for peace. And his stomach, his stomach cried. How had he not felt this before? The hunger that came over him then, it was like nothing else.
OH GOD I'M SO FUCKING HUNGRY.
Lucien suddenly found himself on his feet, with something driving him. He had purpose again, and it wasn't compromised by his Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. As he found his bearings, slightly dizzy, he took a step. It seemed stable enough, so he took another, and fell.
But he got back up. Yes, he had a drive to keep going, now. And he would go start himself on the path he needed to take. But first, there was one thing he needed to do.