The End With You (Chi)

[Aureus]

I wonder where she is. She hasn't answered my calls. I can't find her anywhere. Her parents say she's fine, but never around when I stop by. Maybe she doesn't want to be found...By me. Don't think like that. 'S only the logical conclusion. Yeah...I just didn't wanna be the one to say it. Guess I have a mess to clean up, eh? Let's hope not. The schizophrenic Pillar thought as he sat, trapped inside his own little world ontop of the school roof. It was speeding towards him like an A-bomb over Hiroshima, but he didn't have a clue. His shadow would be the only thing left when it was all said and done.

He was worried about Chi, but something within him kept him calm. Everything was going to turn out fine, no need to freak out. It was Levi, he was the one steering his other half, keeping him from coming off the tracks. And hey, it wouldn't matter 'cause everything would be fine in the end. There just wasn't a single good reason for it to be otherwise. Hadn't he gone through enough in his life? Couldn't he just keep this peace against everything else? Just this one thing, just...please.

The Pillar wouldn't even notice a thing when she opened the door, walked towards him. He was in his own, dark cloud and needed to stay there. Today wasn't a good time for distractions. He had already sent one boy to the ER with broken arms and ribs. Heh, but it didn't matter. That was only the beginning of the end. 'Cause the sun won't be so blinding and the rains will finally come.

It was in the mid fifties, with a gentle breeze sliding across the face of the city. One of the boy's legs was drawn up towards his chest, the other hanging off the side. He was a split/wreck, or at least he was one waiting to happen. Brown eyes falling down to catch the ground, it seemed the cement walk was much too think to break his fall if he fell. Aureus would fall into nothing...nothing...nothing.

[chihiro]

It was easy to see that in these past few months, Chi had changed. First it had been for the better, meeting Aureus was the best thing to have happened in her life, but though Aureus seemed to think the same, she was actually the worst thing to happen to his. She had betrayed him, and not just once. She had been stupid to think she could have faced a man like Karel and walk away unscarred. But like he had told her, despite what he had done to her, in the end it all came down to free will. And she had submitted. She was a traitor.

Dark eyeliner graced her chocolate eyes now, hiding the fatigue they showed. She wore long sleeves to hide the small cut on her right wrist, pulling the sleeves over her hands which were made into fists. She had changed alright, but now it was for the worse. She was disappearing into her own mind, talking less, gaze rarely raising to meet anyone in the eye.

Lunchtime, instead of going outside like she normally would with Aureus (she hadn't been doing for some time now), and not caring to face the normal lunch crowd, Chi retreated to the one other place she could think of..the roof. She climbed the stairs and pushed open the metal door, stepping out into the cool air. It was like a breath of fresh air..fresh and foul at the same time. What was she going to do? She didn't want to hurt him anymore, he had been really affected about the classroom, so if she told him what had happened this time..she was afraid it might kill him. And she couldn't bear to see him hurt again, even if she had to let go of the one good thing she had in her life. Her sleeves were pulled over her hands as she stepped out onto the roof, lost in her thoughts. She stopped in her steps, however, as she caught site of the one boy she was trying to avoid. Aureus.. An ache grew in her chest and she bit her lip. He hadn't seen her yet because his back was to her..but she couldn't get her feet to move, the wave of emotions running through her leaving her frozen where she was, looking sadly down at him.

[Aureus]

Aureus still hadn't noticed his girlfriend's presence, hadn't noticed anything about the world around him really, though there was something in the air that made his hair stand on end. It was Chi's sweet scent, but even after noticing it, he didn't put two and two together and instead kept on thinking about all the nights he had held her close, breathing her in.

He remembered slow, steady ache he felt for her after the day at the cafe. The chill that ran through his body the night he danced with her in the pouring rain, the same night he had held her close for the first time. All the interesting discussions they'd had behind the school during lunch. The way the sun melted into the ocean, a private show for only them, about a week previous. The familiar picture she had painted that hung on his wall that he stared at before going to sleep.

He formed the best memories of his life, and it was all thanks to her. All the things she had done for him, they were too numerous to count. He owed her everything, and he'd give her the love she gave him as long as he was able. But where was she now, somewhere close? Somewhere far? The faint trace of her on the wind was teasing him.

[chihiro]

Standing where she was, frozen by her own emotions, Chi almost broke. She couldn't do this, she didn't want to, but it was the only way to keep him from hurting anymore because of her. She slowly let go of her sleeves, her left hand opening to reveal a silver ring in the palm of her hand. The soft sunlight fell on it and it glimmered, though instead of filling her with an overwhelming sense of happiness like it always did when Chi looked at it, she instead felt guilt, hopelessness, and longing for what she can't have. An emotion that had changed because of Karel.

She lifted her gaze back up to Aureus, watching his disheveled brown hair float slightly in the light breeze and she got the urge to just go up to him and run her hands through it just like she always did. It was another thing she had to get used to not doing anymore. Just get it over with, Chihiro. Quick and painless, you can do it. She urged herself, though she knew full well that it wasn't going to be either of those.

Approaching him, she paused at his right side, crouching down, her right hand touching his as she opened it without a word, placing the small round object from her left inside and closing his hand before he'd had a chance to see what it was. Now, walk away. There's nothing more you can do. Chi stood back up, turning to go back to the door.

[Aureus]

After feeling something touch him, Aureus' first instinct was to smash whatever it was into the ground, but something stopped him. The touch was too familiar and froze him in place. She opened his hand, placing something there before closing it again, and then was gone. It all happened too fast, but after a moment the boy was able to move again. Looking down in his hand was the ring he had given her on Halloween. Why was she giving it back? Why was she here? Why didn't she say something?

Pushing himself up and turning around, he followed her. "Chi? What's wrong?" He asked shakily, hoping for the best. What was going on? "Where have you been the last few days?"

[chihiro]

Chi paused, her hand on the handle, and her head dropped slightly. She hadn't wanted him to come after her. This was the part where things became intensley complicated. "Please, Aureus, trust me. It's better this way." Her voice was soft, and shaking, dull chocolate gaze staring at the door handle, she couldn't look at him. Her reply didn't answer either of his questions, but they were the two questions she didn't want to answer.

Turn around, She urged him silently. Just walk away, please. She knew it wasn't going to happen, he was going to want an explanation. She understood that, considering all they had gone through, and they had experienced together, she couldn't just walk away. It wasn't that easy. Nothing ever was.

[Aureus]

"Better how? Are you worried about hurting me again? I thought we already went over this, I don't care. Look, you're the only thing that matters to me now! I can't forget about you, I can't stop loving you!" The Pillar blurted out, not really sure what he wanted to say, but just trying to stop her.

He really couldn't blame her if she wanted to leave him. After all, his fight against Karel in the tournament had been in vain. He just wasn't strong enough to protect her, but he still needed her more than anything. He was trapped in corner, defenseless and now all he could do was try to hold onto her. Tell me more! Tell me nothing! He shouted in his head, still confused. What did he want? The truth, a lie? It didn't matter, he wanted her.

[chihiro]

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...A murderer

Chi's hand fell from the handle as she curled away from the door, curlingback into herself as a wave of pain washed over her. Not physical pain, though she would rather suffer a blow to the gut than one to her heart. Her raven hair fell into her face, hiding the tear that escaped her eye, running slowly down her cheek.

"Stop it, Aureus, just stop it!" She exploded, turning quickly toward him, her eyes cold and hurt as they stared into his. She was going to have to push him away, even if it killed her inside. He may think that hurting him was nothing, but it was something she couldn't bear. He didn't know, he couldn't know.

[Aureus]

He was a bit surprised by the dark hair girl's sudden outburst, but that didn't stop him from responding. "Don't you think I want to?! I hate being so close to you! I hate it so much, but I need it! I need you!" He shouted back, admitting something he would rather not have. He wanted to be able to do everything by himself, he wanted to stand alone like he always had, but he just couldn't anymore. The plain truth was he needed someone, and she had proven to be the best.

Stepping forward, he pulled her into his arms. "Just...just..." He muttered, not sure what else he could say. He couldn't keep her there. The ashes will slowly pile up just to prove we're finally done.

[chihiro]

Chi was speechless as he pulled her into his arms, her arms moved to wrap around him as well before she stopped herself. She wanted this, she wanted him. She wanted to fall into his embrace and pretend everything was fine, that the world only consisted of them. But the hard truth was that it didn't. They couldn't pretend anymore. The longer they pretended, the harder reality would hit them in the face, and it was almpost unbearable as it was.

Hands resting against his chest, she pushed away, breaking the embrace. "Then do it! Leave! Go! Now's your chance. You don't want to rely on me, so don't! I'm nothing but trouble, you can't rely on someone that hurts you." She was sure if anyone was down on the grounds, they could probably hear their shouting up on the roof, but right now she didn't care.

[Aureus]

She pushed him away, he wasn't surprised in the least. She was leaving, it was only a matter of time, but why not keep arguing? Why not keep trying? It was all he could do, and he would do it with everything he had left.

"I have to rely on you! That's the only way I can keep going. I'll always be hurt by someone, no matter what I do, but out of everyone in the world, I want it to be you! This is as honest as I've ever been, but honesty isn't helping me. I don't know what to do! I don't know how to protect you! I know it's about him, I know it is. But is this really going to help anything?" Aureus retorted, his words coming like flames. There was nothing left, that was it. He wanted her, she wanted him, they hurt each other, they needed each other, where were they supposed to go from there? Did anyone know?

[chihiro]

"That's just it! I don't want to hurt you anymore! You don't need to be hurt by the stupid things I've done...that I did." She stepped backward, hugging her arms around herself, her gaze falling to the roof they were standing on. She should have known this wasn't going to be easy, but she han no idea that it was going to be this impossible, this painful.

You don't know, you don't know.. She thought inwardly, mentally trying to close him out. He needed her, she had known this, and now that he needed her the most she was shutting him out. But it was the way it had to be. He would be stronger after this, she knew. Not immediately after, no, but in time. He needed to rely on himself, and Levi was there for him. She didn't care was happened to herself as long as he was able to move on. She had to help him do that. "Just..walk away. Please."

[Aureus]

It killed him, seeing her like this. Why couldn't she just be with him, in pain? It wasn't going to help anything, being without her, or would it? None of it made sense to his usually logical mind. It wasn't that simple, why wasn't it?

"Walk away and leave you alone to protect yourself? Leave you alone with...him?! How am I supposed to do that?!" Tell me there's a way out! Tell me there's a way to fix this! There has to be something I can do! He begged over and over in his mind, pacing back and forth.

[chihiro]

"You said yourself that you couldn't protect me, so what's the difference?!" It was harsh, and completely untrue, but if that's what it took to make him go, then she would have to do it. There was a difference between fighting Karel with him or without him, because even if he lost, they would still be together. But Aureus didn't realize that the war had changed, and she had no fight anymore. Karel had won, she was at his mercy. And Aureus didn't know.

She saw the pain in his eyes and it ripped her heart out. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away. She couldn't cry, it would only make things worse, but her eyes burned and she closed them, turning away so he wouldn't see.

[Aureus]

It was true, he couldn't do anything. There was no point in it anymore. No more words would come to the Pillar, and he simply stared over at his now ex-girlfriend. "That's it, huh? ...I love you," Aureus muttered, meaning it more now than ever before. With that he turned and walked back to the edge of the roof, staring down at the cement again. Leaning forward for a few brief seconds, he thought about falling all the way, but instead plopped down like had been before.

Oddly enough, he seemed as calm and introverted as ever. He hadn't looked back to see if Chi left, and didn't really care. Or he didn't want to. He didn't know. Rolling up his left sleeve, Aureus held his arm out, igniting the glove on his right hand, he held it under the exposed flesh. It was an odd feeling of emptiness that flowed through him, but the pain in his arm let him forget about it if only for a little while.

So, what would happen from then on? Would he go back to being alone, would she stay with Karel against her will being used like a doll? Probably, and that thought combined with the pain biting his forearm forced him to scream. It was all his fault.