On My Own (Josiah)

[Josiah]

She wasn’t gunna replace anything, she had no idea how hard it was to get things nice and plain and the last thing he was gunna have on his ass was a picture of snoppy or something. When He mentioned her cleavage it only seemed to make her grin and point to herself as though he had not saw them. What was it with her? Was it that important he noticed her curves? Hell he had done that the night she had gotten drunk, he just saw no reason to mention them or anything.

He didn’t respond he just lt her slid off the counter and let her do as she wished to for the moment, it seemed she began making toast for some reason, he was not even going to ask, maybe it was something she enjoyed to have with dinner, or maybe she was planning to make sure no sauce was left wasted on her plate.

He sigh lightly putting his cigarette to rest in the ash tray as he gave the sauce and chicken a stir adding in a little black pepper. He looked to her his brow cocking slightly

“ A movie huh” Josiah said what was it with this girl, just when he thought he had her figured out she then went to prove him wrong.

“I guess…there will be no chick flicks though...and none of that black shit either…I’ll shoot my T.V before that shit gets played on it” He went to look back at the sauce pick his smoke back up and putting it between his lips.

“And you’ll use a costar this time for your soda…those rings are a bitch to get out of that dark wood the coffee table is made out of” Those were his conditions, not horribly bad considering who he was and how he could have just blown her off.

“So do you want anything to drink with diner?” he asked curiously knowing he had booze in the house.

[Siege]

“I guess…there will be no chick flicks though...and none of that black shit either…I’ll shoot my T.V before that shit gets played on it”

Siege, sighed, dropping her head, her eyes closed. This guy was a walking migraine, he couldn't enjoy anything. He had to be in control of every little thing, she had a feeling that he freaking Clorox wiped the bathroom door knob every time he finished his business just to remain clean and sanitary. He probably never lost a sock in the dryer. And on top of all that, he probably never had a wrinkled shirt. How boring.

“And you’ll use a costar this time for your soda…those rings are a bitch to get out of that dark wood the coffee table is made out of”

Siege rolled her eyes. Placing the butter knife on the counter, she let out a long sigh. She was getting pissed, and she was going to get out before she said something she was going to regret.

"You take the fun out of everything you know."

It was soft. Her voice. But there was something cold within the tone as she took off. His question on drinks was said to her back as she crossed the house, and went to sit in the back of the house, facing the ocean. She sat on the floor, no longer hungry. Just watching the rain fall and the sky light up with lightning, if she could have she would have left in that moment, somehow being out there didn't seem nearly as bad as being in here.

It had been one hell of a tough week for the young spunky girl, and she had lost her home, and her sense of belonging somewhere. Her place might have sucked but it had been hers. And now she had nothing. Her knees came up to her chest and her head fell, so that her forehead touched her knees, her hair falling forward slghtly though it wouldn't completely hide her face it wasn't long enought. Still, she would leave tomorrow, there was something about this guy that just, didn't work. She didn't understand him, and he certainly didn't understand her.

All she had wanted to do, was watch a movie, try to forget about everything. Remember what it might have been like to be happy at one point. But no. Mister Fun Sucker 2000 had to take all the thoughts of that away with his rules and regulations. Well that was fine. He could shove his fucking pasta up his fucking ass, she wasn't hungry.

[Josiah]

She didn’t answer him, no instead the only thing she told him was that he took the fun out of everything. Like he actually had time for fun, what a silly girl. Fun is what people with hopes and dreams relied on, he had none of those things just an instinct to survive and that was all he had in this world to rely on nothing else.

She left and he soon found himself turning the gas on the stove off, everything was cooked and heated up perfectly. He looked his crimson eyes, he new he had to go get her but was it actually worth the agrivation? He doubted it but now he had to much food and she was gunna help him eat it whether she wished to or not.

He came to her, she was crawled up into a tight little Siege ball as it were. “I swear…I just don’t get you” He said to her “One minute your spunky and showing off your cleavage and the next your like this” He said as he came around toward her front, it looked like her body was shaking as though she was holding something in.

He knelt down in front of her and then reached out to bring up her face. “Atleast look at” when he tilted up her face he could see tears on her cheeks.

“Siege…what the hell is going on” he finally said

[Siege]

“I swear…I just don’t get you”

What was there not to get? She was a girl, she had feelings, and right now the world had shit on her and she was doing her best to deal with it. And she was just fine til he started being an utter prick about life in general, all she wanted to do was curl up on the couch and watch a movie. That was it. A bit of one on one time with the guy she hadn't even touched him, she was behaving! And he was still a prick.

“One minute your spunky and showing off your cleavage and the next your like this”

Her shoulders shrugged. It wasn't like he was going to care anyway. He would just laugh at her, or call her stupid, or do that stupid negative thing that he always did and only make the situation worse. But she didn't expect his hand to come out and pull her chin up. Apparently, he was allowed to touch her but she was not allowed to touch him. It seemed to be that way to her. She could feel her tears burning down her cheeks and in her grey eyes but there really wasn't much she could do about it now. She could only take so much before she gave in.

“Siege…what the hell is going on”

Her lower lip trembled. She looked up into his dark hard eyes. There was nothing but a wasteland behind them, as her lower lip trembled more violently. Tears flooded down her cheeks as she finally broke down. It all happened so fast, but she couldn't stop herself either. She lurched forward and hugged him, her face burrying itself into his neck as she burst into sobs and tears clinging to him the only semi comfort that she had. She barely owned anything, just what was in that bag upstairs, she didn't have a thing to her name really and she felt lost.

It was at least five minutes of crying without saying anything else. Before she was able to break it up a little still crying and clinging to him she could finally give him a tidbit of information.

"They took it!" she cried into his shoulder. "They said I had to leave, and then they crushed it, a stupid gas station and shopping center now, no more apartment, no more anything, just me, and my stupid backpack. it's all I have left."

[Josiah]

She was right, he was allowed to touch her without her touching him, it was in that way he was still in control and that was what he needed to feel safe, as long as he felt safe touch was not a horribly big deal, but he only felt safe when he knew he was in complete control. Tears were rummimg down her cheeks her grey eyes seemed so utterly hurt. It was something he could not understand.

Her lip began to tremble almost violently and yet his eyes could not soften to comfort her, it was not his fault he just did not know how to let them soften any more, he had forgot how to be comforting. But for a word could escape his lips her tears became worse and she seemed to lunge herself forward clinging to him as she began to cry into his neck.

He froze his body going stiff as she first cried into him, it was something no one had ever done before and god only knew how much it was freaking him out. But as the first minute passed and she seemed unmoving he decided to try something he had seen others do on tv and what not. His arms slowly came around her, one of his hands on her back slightly rubbing it in what he thought was a comforting manner.

After a moment she began to calm enough to speak only to cry out into his shoulder about how they took it all from her. They had apparently torn down the building her shitty apartment was in. It was no wonder why she was all torn up now, she was bascally left with nothing.

“Its not all you hae…so they took your apartment…you still have your health…and your pride” Those were things Josiah always relied on, he knew as long as he had those two things nothing could fully destroy him, he hoped that having those things would keep her strong.

“And…if you need a place to stay” Josiah sighed, it was only because he knew she had been abandoned like himself that he was even going to do this. “Well…your stuffs already here…and I have an extra room” He offered…this was his act of charity for his life time.

[Siege]

“Its not all you have…so they took your apartment…you still have your health…and your pride”

It seemed like that was all she needed, but they both would lost any and all meaning when she lived on the streets for a while. You could only eep your pride and your health for so long before it was just gone. Especially on the streets. With no belongings, smelling horrible, and the lack of hygeine. But that was fine, she understood that his line of thinking was a great deal different than hers. Which was probably why they clashed so far. But still there was something in there, the way he held her and rubbed her back trying to, and succeeding in calming her down.

“And…if you need a place to stay”

No way. She was obviously hallucinating. Because there was no way he would extend a real helping hand out to a girl that he seemed to despise.

“Well…your stuffs already here…and I have an extra room”

She looked up at him, no longer really crying, the fact that he was holding her and the fact that she was so utterly shocked. Her blood shot grey eyes looked into his eyes, as if to figure out if he was pulling her leg or teasing her in the moment when she really didn't need it most.

"But.. I thought.. you hated me." she whispered.

It was true, sometimes the way he was, she felt as though she was the bane of his existance something that made her feel even worse. So she was definatly shocked with what he had told her, that she could stay here. She would adore to. She really would, it would be a great place to live, but if he didn't like her she certainly wasn't going to stay.

[Josiah]

She had stopped crying looking up at him. He could see the shock that had over taken her it was not something you could miss in this grey eyes of hers but there was also something else, something he had forgotten a long time ago, it was a glimmer of hope that lingered in her bloodshot eyes. Hope, believing that there would be better times ahead of you, no he didn’t have it but it seemed that he had given it to her . She whispered admitting that she thought he hated her which caused him to sigh lightly.

“I’ll be honest with you…your loud…messy, and have no regard for the tranquility that I have built around myself….All things that I do find annoying” Well no one could accuse him of being a lair that was for sure. “But I don’t hate you…If I had hated you I would have left you on the beach that night to become some jocks sleeping play thing…if I hated you I’d have just left you to the thunderstorm that probably would have struck you since your so close to the ocean…and if I really hated you…I would have never let you snuggle into me that night when you called out for me not to leave you in the half sleep that you were in”

They were all good points, when Josiah hated some one he did nothing for them and you rather see them just die then anything else.

“And it was slightly nice to have some one to speak with…I kind of missed it the next day” he looked to her his eyes still so firm.

“Its your call though…I can’t force you to do a thing…that’s called kidnapping” yes his attempt at a joke hopefully she would notice

[Siege]

“I’ll be honest with you…your loud…messy, and have no regard for the tranquility that I have built around myself….All things that I do find annoying”

She had to admit hat was true. She was loud, and definatly messy, and she really didn't do well in tranquil environments but if she could she would try better to stay out of his way, that is if he was actually serious about her moving in here. She would love to be here, he wasn't a bad guy when he wasn't pushing her away.

“But I don’t hate you…If I had hated you I would have left you on the beach that night to become some jocks sleeping play thing…

Ah, yes, that was right, she remembered waking up in his bed, half naked, with her clothes to the side. She remembered driving him nuts wearing his vest during that morning. And she remembered the drive home, it had been basically in silence, but the music had been too loud for conversation anyway. She had known then that there was some kind of humanity in there, it was just locked up quite deeply.

if I hated you I’d have just left you to the thunderstorm that probably would have struck you since your so close to the ocean…

To be honest, she hadn't really thought about the lightning striking her. She had just thought that the ocean and being on the beach was likely the safest place for her to stay. The alleyways in the city weren't clean and sanitary and the beach was about as close as it could get. Still, she was thankful he had brought her here.

and if I really hated you…I would have never let you snuggle into me that night when you called out for me not to leave you in the half sleep that you were in”

Immediatly, a thick blush crossed her face. She wondered what she had said, there were times that she had horrible nightmares, and she hated thunder during the night, he would likely find that out tonight when they retired to sleep. As well as, she had memories that she didn't enjoy remembering, but she was curious what it was she had said. Her eyes looked up at him, and she snuggled back into his shoulder.

"I'll try, to be better, if I live here."

She would try, and whether it worked or not would be up to the both of them. She would try, but she wasn't easily changed she would do what she could, and that was all she could do. Hopefully, he would try to be understanding.

“And it was slightly nice to have some one to speak with…I kind of missed it the next day”

He.. had missed her? She opened her eyes and looked up at him, softly blushing again. Her fingers rose, and touched his cheek softly for a moment, after all she was already being held in his arms, she doubted that a single touch to his cheek was going to make him freak out and shove her across the room.

"You know, when I got home, I missed you too, it's fun watching you twitch." she grinned softly.

“Its your call though…I can’t force you to do a thing…that’s called kidnapping”

Siege chuckled. Was that a joke? She felt that it was, and a smile graced her lips as her eyes closed. God she was tired, the last few days had been extremely hectic for her. And she had to admit he wasn't as boney as he looked, he was actually quite comfy to be wrapped in.

"I'd like to stay, Joey, I really would."

Joey, it was the name that came to her lips, and she felt that it worked more than Jo or Josh, there was just something so boring about those two names. She smiled softly.

"You're actually, a nice guy, when you aren't being so anal. And if we do watch a movie, I promise to use a coaster."

But she didn't move, she enjoyed being here, sitting on the floor, by the windows, holding each other. She wasn't stupid, she knew nothing would come of it, and it was likely a one time thing, but it was nice to bask in it while she had the chance.

"Thanks, for letting me stay."

[Josiah]

He noticed the thick blush come over her face, it made him feel uneasy to say the least, people did not do that infront of him and they were not suppose to. He never did anything to actually try and make some one do that much less a girl, he would just have to ignore it and roll with the punches it seemed as she seemed to snuggle into his shoulder. Taking comfort from it as though such a cold heartless person as himself could provide such a feeling to some one .

She said she would try to be better and that was a good thing, he’d let her have free reign but he was not going to let her destroy his home either, loud music he could live with some times but the idea of his place looking like a land fill he could not, she did not even have to do any cleaning she just had to make sure she picked up after herself.

As she admitted to missing her slightly she did it again this time looking up to him and into his eyes blushing once more, her fingers touching his cheek softly, he was still in control for the moment and was allowing it, allowing her to calm herself down because frankly he would not be able to stand trying to do this another time tonight if she broke down once more.

She finally admitted her liking to stay, calling him Joey, it was a name he had been called before so it was fine with him. He gave her a small nod and looked to her his brow rising as she called him a nice guy, so she was nice and crazy as well. He did not view himself as nice nor would he ever, but if that’s what she needed to tell herself then so be it.

Still holding onto him not moving out of his arms or signaling anything she thanked him.

“Your welcome…we’ll set your room up tomorrow” he said before looking to her.

“For now though…since this movie or yours seems to be something you enjoy…I guess we can eat dinner in the living room” believe me it was a big step for the anal retentive fucker to eat anywhere but his designated eating space. “You still owe me a wine selection….red or white”

[Siege]

“Your welcome…we’ll set your room up tomorrow”

Siege gave one of those tearful chuckles. She couldn't help it, she did feel better having released all the stress in the cry. And being in someone's arms she had to admit was quite nice. It felt amazing, she couldn't remember the last time someone had held her and comforted her. Years. For sure. Even if he probbly wasn't getting anything out of it, she felt much better because of it.

"That won't take much, all I have is in that backpack."

“For now though…since this movie or yours seems to be something you enjoy…I guess we can eat dinner in the living room”

Another smile crossed her lips. She was rubbing off on him already, he was going to be a great guy to live with when he learned that not everything had to be a certain way. But that he could live a little. Hopefully after she moved in she would be able to warm him up a bit. And right now she had a goal in mind, though she was currently unsure on how to make it happen.

“You still owe me a wine selection….red or white”

"I don't know anything about wine, you pick, it'll be my first taste regardless. So pick something tasty."

She pulled herself up slightly, and looked at him right in the eyes. She touched his cheek gently. Leaning forward she planted a soft, lingering, sweet kiss on his cheek.

"One day, I"m going to make you smile." she whispered softly into his ear, before she rose, pulling completely out of his arms. She smiled back at him and extended a hand, clasping his, to help him up, feeling that for the time being, they were past the no touching issues.

"You pick the movie, I"ll get the food ready." she said heading back into the kitchen to serve up the dinner he made onto two plates.

[Josiah]

She thought all she would have was that blasted back pack, how cute. He would not tell her but after his morning training and swim her ass was being dragged out shoping, no he was not showering her in gifts for any feelings or brownie points. But if some one was going to live with him they would have the basics as well as a wardrobe they looked presentable in. Her jeans and tee shirt cut it at school but if they were to be seen out together for another reason she’d have to have an sharper look then some slacker teen.

She told him to pick the wine and since it was her first he had a feeling he would go with a pink wine, she probably liked sweet things and that was the only think he could think of that was sweet to the taste and would go decently with dinner though it was really more for desert purposes.

She began to pull herself up and he was ready to do the same till she stopped him and looked him in his eyes, she touched his cheek once more, it was fine for now but it would not be allowed later. She then did it, the same mistake she had made her first morning here she decided to make a second run for it.

She did not put a smile on his face but he was not about to start again, he was not going to deal with more tears this night even if it meant bitting his tongue. She helped him up taking advantage of her ability to actually touch him for the time being.

“Alright….though be ready to pick something else” He warned her, having a feeling their movie ideas did not mesh together very well. He went to the liquor cabinet he had in the living room a small thing that was more of a hope chest then anything, but it kept everything at the right temperature and kept the light from hitting the bottles. Grabbing the sweet pink wine he also grabbed two glasses which were organized in there was well before closing it and setting it up on the coffee table.

He grabbed his remote and flicked on the t.v thankng he had cable or else the storm probably would have knocked out his service. He went right to the pay per view channels and decided to pay for Harold and Kumar 2…..if she wanted to relax and feel better the stoner movie would probably be something to life her spirits. Though she would be able to chose something else

[Siege]

“Alright….though be ready to pick something else”

He hadn't responded at all to the kiss but she hadn't expected him to. But you couldn't blame her for actually taking advantage of a moment she was allowed to touch him. She sighed as she nodded, she would, for him, watch whatever he wanted. Even if it was the history channel. Something she had a feeling he watched a lot. She went in the kitchen, and raided it, if she was going to live here, she had to learn where everything was. She found the plates and pulled them down, movin to the stove, she placed part of the dinner on both plates.

Placing two pieces of toast on each plate, she came back into the living room and placed the steaming plates on the coffee table. Returning to the kitchen she got silverware and napkins, setting the table for them nicely. Her eyes looked up at the screen and saw Harold and Kumar 2. She had never actually seen it, nor had she ever before desired to, but she had resolutioned herself that she wasn't going to change it. She would let them watch what he wanted.

She sat down, and where his plate was, would have him sit right beside her.

"Im curious, what you plan t do in the future, you seem like the kind of guy that really has goals already set."

She asked as she watched him poor the wine.

[Josiah]

She soon entered the room with the food in hand making two trips one for the food the other for the napkins and silverware. He almost wanted to smile at the fact that she remembered the napkins, he doubted she was very big on them. She sat down making sure that their plates were placed on the table so he would be right beside her, she seemed to have a weakness for being physically close to people, it was a bit disturbing but there was nothing he was going to say for now.

He had opened the bottle and began to pour the wine in the glasses on the table while she asked him what his plans for the future were.

“Not everything is as it seems” He told her finishing her glass and moving to his “Like any adolescent young adult….I have to roll with the punches…my plans forced to change after I moved and so I am without current ones” He finished pouring his own glass. Putting the bottle down he lifted his plate in one had to bring the food closer to him.

“Why…what are your goals” he asked her his eyes looking to her curious what had brought up such a topic

[Siege]

“Like any adolescent young adult….I have to roll with the punches…my plans forced to change after I moved and so I am without current ones”

As he poured the wine he spoke, and her grey eyes watched him, looking at his face. He probably had some thoughts as to his future but he was right, he was new here, and therefore he wouldn't be the kind of guy that could make up a goal having only been here a week or so. Though sometimes, a goal could move with you, but obviously, whatever he had wished to do before moving wasn't able to travel.

"Oh, I guess that's true, I just... I dunno you seem so put together." Siege shrugged.

He sat down beside her but kept space between them, she didn't mind that, so long as they were able to have a good time together, she wasn't really paying attention to the movie at the moment. But perferred instead to get to know him a little better. She picked up her plate as he spoke again.

“Why…what are your goals”

Siege pursed her lips for a moment.

"Well currently, I'd like to find a better paying job. But other than that, not really. I know as a Junior I'm supposed to be already mapping out which college I want to go to, and what I want to be. But I can't afford college, so that's likely out, fuck I can't even afford a place of my own." she sighed.

"but, I will find something to do, I know I will."

[Josiah]

A better paying job huh, he had to find a paying job himself before this in charge of the taxes began to come down on him and how he was able to afford a house, as long as he had something on the books though it would take a bit of the heat off of his back in the future. He looked to her she seemed a bit frustrated on such a subject though.

“College does not have to be out of your reach” he said honestly “With things like financial aid and low interest student loans…it is a possibility for you” And there was no denying that “But its your choice…we all find a place in life after all”

The weird stoner movie playing on the T.V added some noise to the room drowning out the random thunder strikes that still happed but were not to frequent at the moment. It would probably rain like this though out the night and he still had to figure out what to do with her since he didn’t have an extra bed in the house.

He reached out and picked up his wine glass “So….is this the part were suppose to make some corny toast or something” he said looking at her, that was the second time he had spoken ina joking tone today…he was gunna be sore tomorrow from that