On My Own (Josiah)

[Siege]

“College does not have to be out of your reach”
“With things like financial aid and low interest student loans…it is a possibility for you”
“But its your choice…we all find a place in life after all”

That was true, but she wasn't sure she even wanted to go to college, so far there was nothing that had called to her. Nothing that she enjoyed and wanted to research more into. She hadn't found a single thing that made her want to go to college and see about getting a degree in it. But maybe one day something would call to her, and she would be able to do something about it. And then he would work her ass off and get into college to pursue that one thing that she loved. Right now, that was only her drums.

“So….is this the part were suppose to make some corny toast or something”

She chuckled and picked up her own wine glass.

"Careful don't strain yourself with the jokes." she winked.

"How about.. to us, and, not killing each other."

She let her glass move across the space, but careful not to touch him she clinked her glass with his before she took a sip. Wine was a different animal than beer all together. It was much more sweet, or bitter, beer and wine had to grow on you, and she had never had wine before. So as she took her sip she sat back for a moment trying to decide if she liked it. It was sweet, like alcoholic juice really she wondered if all the wine was like this, but she doubted it.

"It's good." she smiled softly. She placed her glass on the table and picked up her fork and began to eat from her plate, quietly, a small smile on her face. "And a great cook as always."

"So what kind of hobbies do you have? I'm sure you do more than clean." she said with a chuckle.

[Josiah]

A roast to not killing each other, he’d agree with it for now and let their glasses chime together before taking a sip of the liquid. He really had no idea how this arrangement would work but he was willing to give it a shot, who knew maybe she would come in handy now and again though he had no idea what that possibility could be for.

She seemed to study the wine deciding if she liked it or not to come to the conclusion that she did. It was something that went better with sweet fruits like strawberries or apples but as an introductory wine it was not bad. He’d set up a bottle of Sangria tomorrow to give her a better verse in other possibilities for wine.

“Thanks…its not really that hard one you get the hang of it” he admitted when she complimented him about the food. He took his own bites slowly enjoying the meal as she asked him a chuckling question.

“I wouldn’t call them hobbies….more like things just to pass the time” He told her honestly, a hobby was something one had a passion for and he lacked such a feeling for anything.

“If you must know I play the violin….and I do a bit of surfing now and again” sure there were other things but some of them like spending hours at the range seemed to only give the wrong information out.

“What about you little rocker girl…I know you have to play something with that much metal poked into your flesh”

[Siege]

“I wouldn’t call them hobbies….more like things just to pass the time”

She could only roll her eyes. There was something about the way he put a damper or negative spin on everything. But that was just the way he was. She was learning that she was just going to have to accept that of him til she could show him that despite what ever happened to make him this way, there were things in life that could still make it interesting. Because even though her child hood had been nothing worth a smile she still found things that made her smile and that she found joy in, she hoped she could do that for him as well.

“If you must know I play the violin….and I do a bit of surfing now and again”

Wow. Boring boy surfed! Wasn't that a bit too cool for him. The violin was totally expected it was either that or the tambourine, but surfing. Now that actually shocked the young girl that was enjoying her meal. It was good and she was definatly hungry though she was trying to mind a bit of her manners and not just wolf it down like she might have done had she been at her old apartment. Still though, it was hard to maintain it when the food was so ddamn good.

"Wow, can I hear you play sometime? That would really be great." she smiled. 'and surfing? I really didn't take you for the surfing kind of guy but that's cool are you any good? Or just shark bait?"

“What about you little rocker girl…I know you have to play something with that much metal poked into your flesh”

Siege grinned.

"I play the drums. And I love it, there's nothing that can calm me down more than to just wail on a set of good drums. I love it. But I can't afford drums, so I haven't had the chance to play in a while." she shrugged. "But that's the story of my life, no money, lots of wishes, a few dreams, but not a damn thing to do about them." she chuckled.

"So, it's not likely I'll be keeping you up by beating on my drums, seeing as they weren't in the backpack." she grinned, making light, or trying to make light of her situation.

"What else do you like to do? In your spare time?" she asked curiously.

[Josiah]

It was true he surfed and it seemed to surprise her, but he was more in it for the feeling of dominance he got from riding the power waves, it was another way a taming something, of keeping something under this thumb and bending it to his will. She spoke smiling, she actually wanted to hear him play? Well that was kinf of unexpected to say the least

“You’ll hear me play sometime…I do it atleast once a day” he said as his eyes looked over to her “As for surfing…no matter how good you are your always shark bait…but I do manage some decent tricks if the swells are good enough” He looked away and asked his little question and he was not surprised as all when she said drums.

“You play and instrument as loud and brash as you are….I’m really not that surprised” His tone almost light and humorous though yet a chuckle still had not escaped his vocal cords.

“as for what else I like to do….well there is also my Kempo…you already experienced that slightly on the roof” he said his eyes glancing over to her “I’ve been practicing for years now…theres so much to it especially when weapons are incorporated that it can take up a good portion of my free time” he took another sip of his wine at that

“I even managed one or two regional championships in L.A when I competed….the proof is around here some where”

[Siege]

“You play and instrument as loud and brash as you are….I’m really not that surprised”

Siege laughed and nudged him with her elbow, but on his shirt making sure that she didn't touch his skin, she didn't want to ruin their moments. There was something about this conversation, there was something about him now. changed. He was opening up to her even if it was slowly she was going to take anything she could get. And she was enjoying his joking nature, even if it couldn't being a smile.

"Hey, it isn't like it was a shocker to learn you played something as stuffy as the violin. It was either that or classical piano." she teased back.

“as for what else I like to do….well there is also my Kempo…you already experienced that slightly on the roof”

I’ve been practicing for years now…theres so much to it especially when weapons are incorporated that it can take up a good portion of my free time”

Ah yes she remembered all too well the fight they had on the roof. She remembered the way that he had used things that she had never seen before, perhaps if they lived here together they could train together. He could show her some things and she could learn how to fight against someone that had his kind of fighting experience. it would be nice.

“I even managed one or two regional championships in L.A when I competed….the proof is around here some where”

Siege, put her now empty plate to the side, and turned sideways on the couch facing him, She ate a great deal faster than he did, but that was because she was so hungry. Claiming her wine glass, she looked up at him, enjoying the fact that she was actually getting to know him, and beginning to break down that damn almost impenitrable wall around him. She was glad that he actualy did have a sense of humor and she was learning that he was more human than he liked to think which meant that he was not a lost cause. Something that she did indeed enjoy.

"Wow, that's really cool. I never really picked up a style, I learned to fight in the orphanage and in the gang I was in when I ran away some while ago." she said non chalantly but giving a bit of her past to him with that as well.

"You kinda have to when you've been alone and abandoned, learn to fight, because among the others like me, it's the toughest that survive, and the loudest are heard. So i guess that might be why Im this way, who knows." she gave a simple shrug.

[Josiah]

He watched as she put her plate down, she had eaten pretty quickly something he had not expected, it was a heavy pasta and he was sure it would have hit her belly like a brick but apparently it had not. She turned on the couch so she was facing him, apparently he was more interesting then the movie on the T.V. Oh well she’d pick the next one then.

She admitted to never learning a style which he had kind of figured by their little scuffle. She had good instincts but he could tell by the way she moved that’s all it really was. Most people called it street fighting but it was really relying on instincts and the fact that you knew how to throw a really punch or kick.

He took note that she was an orphan and had been a gang member as well, it explained a lot about her and that night she had clung to him in her drunken little sleep.

“Yeah that’s probably why” he let out a sigh slowly eating his last bit of pasta. He put down his empty plate and grabbed his napkin wiping his mouth to make sure he had no sauce left on his lips, he never did but it was just part of his habits. Putting his napkin on his empty plate he grabbed his wine glass and the bottle. He topped them both off, he really enjoyed his booze it was one of the only things that got him to relax even slightly.

“Well you managed to survive…that’s all that matters in the end” he said as he placed the bottle back down on the table and took a drink. “And your not really that bad….there is hope for you in the future….the chips are down now but that can always change”

[Siege]

He was so proper, she hadn't even thought to use the napkin to wipe off her lips, she didn't feel anything. So she figured there was nothing there, there could be, but she wasn't worried about it. Besides if there was something there, she wouldn't put it past him to wipe her lips for her because it would likely drive him nuts.

“Well you managed to survive…that’s all that matters in the end”

She shrugged, she had survived though she had her fair share of baggage. Though she doubted it was as much as he had. The unwillingness to let people touch him was certainly something that had happened in his past to make him so afraid of it. One day she figured that he would tell her what happened. Gently, she held her glass out for him as he began to fill up her glass for her, before she took another sip.

“And your not really that bad….there is hope for you in the future….the chips are down now but that can always change”

"Yeah.. and on the bright side I already have a new place to live." she smiled.

"So.. umm.. tell me a little bit about you and your life.." she asked curiously. "You don't have to go in depth, just.. anything reallly, about your life or whatever." she shrugged.

[Josiah]

He looked over to her as she smiled, she seemed relieved all be it happy to have some place to live, he understood it. Shelter was one of the most basic needs for a person right next to food, without out those needs being filled it is said a person could not progress in life or so that was the theory of Maslow. He took another sip of his wine before his eyes went back to her focusing on her as she spoke. And that was when his eyes narrowed in on something. Though he could hear her perfectly there was just a bad of the heavy cream and cheese sauce right on the corner of her mouth.

“This is really important to you huh” he said looking at her “I mean…it seems like ever since that first morning you were here…you seemed to want to get to know me” he would wait for her to give even the smallest of nods before he sighed and looked away from her.

His back fell into the couch and he took another sip of wine. He held the glass infront of him his eyes seemed focused on the pink liquid.

“I can kind of sympathize being unwanted….my parents died when I was eight….they were driving in a heavy rain storm and…they were caught in a big landslide” his eyes began to slightly get softer..not so much were it looked like he was about to cry but enough so that they did not look like the red pieces of steel they had a tendency to look like.

“they were good parents but well…I guess it was their time…I lived with my older brother and his girlfriend for a while after that..2 years before I was forced to take my life into my own hands” he drank the rest of his wine at that point and looked over to her

“I am sure you know when your alone how you have to be in complete charage of your life” he said reaching over grabbing her clean napkin. Turning to her one of his hands raised up cupping one of her cheeks in his hand while the other with the napkin moved up and wiped the small bit of sauce on the corner of her mouth.

“That probably why I’m as old as I am” he said wiping the bit of sauce clean

[Siege]

“This is really important to you huh”

“I mean…it seems like ever since that first morning you were here…you seemed to want to get to know me”

She smiled softly.

"Well yeah, of course I want to get to know you Joey. You're a nice guy underneath all your fronts and shields." she said softly. "I.. don't know why you put the shields up, but I know them when I see them, because I have my own."

Joey fell back on the couch and began to tell her how he had once had great parents. And that they had loved him dearly. But they had died when he was very young, and he was left to live with his older brother and girlfriend. She was surprised to learn that he only made it two years after that, he was on his own. But there was more to that story she could feel it. But she knew that he wasn't ready to talk about it. Because, obviously he wasn't telling her about it now. Still though, it was something and she was glad that he had opened up a little bit to her.

"Where is your brother now?" she asked curiously.

He sat up and grabbed her napkin. Taking her cheek and cupping it in his hand, she leaned into it slightly. Reaching her hand up she laced her fingers between his holding it softly to her cheek, as he came forward and gently wiped a small bit of sauce off her lips. Making her blush desperatly.

“That probably why I’m as old as I am”

"You know.." she whispered softly. "..it's okay.. to remember that you're still a kid in a sense. Have fun in life, smile, laugh, make life yours. You said you're in control of your life, but, you control it so much that I don't think you remember what having fun was like." she whispered.

"My parents abandoned me." she whispered while they were still close. Her voice soft, her eyes guarded. "Five years old, and they left me on the steps of the state run orphanage. I was a ward of the state, still technically am but I ran, I couldn't take another day there. I couldn't live though it more, day in and day out, so I ran, and am doing my best to make it on my own."

[Josiah]

She asked about his brother it was a subject he clearly was going to ignore, his brother wasn’t worth the air it took to mention the fucker and if he knew where he was he would have shot him by now himself, after torturing him for several weeks on end that was. That fucker deserved to die for his betrayal there was no way of sugar coating that thought within Josiah’s mind.

She reached her hand up and laced her fingers withing his own holding his hand to her cheek, she was clearly a creature of touch one that only could feel comforted by the touch or caress of another. As he wipped her lips clean of the sauce that had been bugging him he noticed the deep blush that over took her, seeing it made him feel uneasy but if he didn’t mention it or let it be known that it was noticed hopefully it was something they could both just ignore.

She spoke still holding his hand to her cheek her grey eyes looking at him as she whispered with her flustered cheeks. Another male at this point would know this is the kind of moment that lead to those perfect kind of kisses, the ones relations ships were normally made upon. But to Josiah this moment was more awkward then romantic.

“We all do our best to make it on our own, but sometimes you find no matter how strong or driven you are help is still needed” he said to her “Its not something to ever be ashamed about” slowly he began to move his hand away from her cheek his eyes returning to their normal chilled state “Hopefully living here will help you…..as for me” he sighed lightly “I’m not sure I can ever remember what fun was….I control my life and that is enough to make it mine for the moment…even if that’s not what you want to hear”

His now free hand reached back over to the wine and refilled his glass before looking over to her, he had finished off two glasses already and it was clear where some of his dependencies lay. “Top you off?” he asked curiously

[Siege]

“We all do our best to make it on our own, but sometimes you find no matter how strong or driven you are help is still needed”

She nodded, he was right. It took time, help, and a drive that came from within that would make you survive on your own. Elsewise, you would fail time and time again.

“Its not something to ever be ashamed about”

She smiled, nodding again, and she looked into his eyes. Slowly though he took his hand away. Her eyes fell to her lap as her hand moved down as well moving back slightly, as he did that. She looked into the glass of wine in her fingers.

“Hopefully living here will help you…..as for me”

She looked up at him.

"It will, and I hope, that it'll help you too."

She wanted to show him about life, how fun life could be again, and how much fun that they could have. That he could have fun again. That he could enjoy life, that was what she wanted him to remember. But it wouldn't be easy and it would take a lot of time but she was sure that given the chance she could make him happy and make him smile. She was someone that could reunite him with the word fun and smiles.

“I’m not sure I can ever remember what fun was….I control my life and that is enough to make it mine for the moment…even if that’s not what you want to hear”

"If you let me, I'll help you find it."

He pulled back and he pulled the wine bottle close again, filling his glass for the third time. They were already getting low on the wine, but she had a feeling this was a normal occurance for him. He asked her if she wanted to be topped off and she held her glass over to him. So that he could refill her glass.

"Thanks."

She lifted her glass and took a long sip, the bottle was mainly empty now, and she wondered if that was why he was being open. A huge clash of lightning shook the windows of the house causing her to jump slightly but she didn't move an inch closer to Joey.

"So anything I need to know about, something that might set you off or make you really pissed?" she asked.

[Josiah]

She told him if he let her she’d help him find fun again, it was an offer he’d not respond to knowing that he could not make the promise that she would want to hear, he’d fight her tooth and nail if she threw his life into something he could not control and he was sure it was something that they both knew. His life was his, it had been that way for such a long time he was not sure he could go back to anything else other then that. He refilled her glass the bottle all but empty now.

Alcohol, he went through it so quickly, it was one of the ways he dealt with his existence and as his tolerance was growing his comsumption had only raised with it to what many would view as dangerous levels. Trips to the liquor store were all but a weekly occurrence more so then trips to the market. It was something his new house mate would have to deal with.

Thunder clashed his body unmoving as he sipped his wine feeling siege jump slightly, apparently she had her fears about thunder…and she had thought about staying outside?

She spoke asking him if there was anything that would set him off, he let out an almost chuckled huff, not really a laugh but from it it was clear the amusement f such a statement was not wasted on him.

“I think you’ve already guessed the basics” he said as his eyes looked to her “I invited you to live here…it affords you a bit of leniency…I don’t expect you to clean…but I expect you to clean up after yourself if you make a mess” he sighed. “Do not play with my violin…its an antique and very delicate…my training weapons are also off limits unless other wise asked…..and if you decide to blast music after I have retried to bed I will destroy the stereos”

He sipped again at his wine the glass not being enjoyed for its taste but rather its intoxicating qualities. “I can also not deal with snopping…anything I have locked is locked for a reason…you have free reign of the house…” his eyes looked to her “As well as my closet apparently…. And if and when you get your license you’ll be allowed to borrow my car as long as you ask me before hand”

He let out a small sigh “Besides all that…I am not a fan of visitors…if you have a boy toy over he’ll be in your room and no were else…if that’s unreasonable you two can find a motel to hang out in while your together…”

[Siege]

She had known, there would be a lot of rules. Because that was just the person that he was, though she had a feeling that if anyone could, she was the one that could help him relax a little bit. He could be in control of his life but no one had to be perfect all the time. It was boring, hard work, and it was a pain in the ass if you asked her. But still, he began to make a list for her, and it went as follows.

• Clean up after ones self.
  
• No touchie the violin. (Apparently it would break from fingerprints)
  
• Training weapons, no touchie, (apparently, they broke if you looked at the incorrectly)
  
• Speakers lives at stake!!! After hours playing prohibited.
  
• No playing around in his crap.
  
• No snooping.
  
• If its locked don't pick it (how boring)
  
• Can borrow car, but MUST ask first. (and he wondered why he was called pops)
  
• No visitors in house, only room. (apparently they had to sneak in the window)
  
• Hanky panky to be done in room or at a hotel (someone had issues)
  

For a moment she could only blink at him, half of those things sounded like something a father would say. Now she knew that he didn't trust her and as of yet he had no reason to. They had only known each other a short time and there was no way that trust could have been established, but she hoped that they were getting there anyway. But she could understand that he had created what he thought was a perfect world around him, and he didn't want it to be changed, he didn't want her to come in and rock the foundation that was likely already shaky.

"Alright, I"ll do my best Pops." she said with a smile.

Getting up she placed her almost empty glass on the table, and began picking up the plates and things from dinner carting them back to the kitchen. She rinsed them off and placed them in the dishwasher for later and came back.

"Well I don't think you have to worry about a few things. One I don't have a permit, or a license, can't afford it. I don't have a set of drums to keep you up with, nor a stereo, and I don't do friends." she shrugged.

"But, I'll do my best to keep you happy Pops, because in the end, that's what I want." she said with another shrug and began heading for the stairs.

[Josiah]

He was not about to toss her out for not obeying his rules, but there would be hell to pay in the end anyway, the world he built around him was one of structure and order, it was something he needed to keep himself grounded and not fall down and he was not about to loose the for anyone. He looked to him and smiled calling him Pops once more, it was a bit annoying but he guess he must have sounded pretty old there for a moment.

Soon she got up though and actually picked up the plates and if he didn’t know any better actually rinsed them off before he heard the door to the dishwasher close. Well apparently she was not as messy as she had tried to lead on last time. She soon returned and his eyes looked up to her as she spoke. She must not realize she was getting a permit and license soon enough, he was not going to drive her everywhere. As for the stereo she must have not seen the speakers near the t.v as well as those wired into the walls, they were well hidden though.

She went for the stairs and he looked to her ”If your getting cleaned up…you know where the towels are…if your going to use the bath the jet controls are on the wall side of the tub” he said to her before she disappeared and sure enough after a few minutes the water was heard gong on.

He sighed and finished his wine, grabbing the bottle he drank the small bit left in the bottle before clearing the rest of the living room of their glasses and what not.

From their he went to the laundry room, he’d toss her clothes in the wash tomorrow but for now he needed what was in the closet. He grabbed a set of extra sheets and a spar pillow, and went back to the living room. Moving the coffee table and couch cushions he extended the sofa bed and fixed it with the sheets for her. He’d have to buy and extra bed tomorrow for her room but for now this was the best he could do for her

Once fixed he went into the kitchen setting the coffee pot up and its timer to brew in the morning and then sat at his table were he began to suck down his nightly cigarettes letting Siege relax and get cleaned up before bed.

[Siege]

”If your getting cleaned up…you know where the towels are…if your going to use the bath the jet controls are on the wall side of the tub”

Good to know. Jets were the shit. She rushed up the stairs and peeled off her clothing starting a nice hot bath. She waited til it was full enough and got in turning on the jets and closing her eyes. The hot water felt heavenly against her tired body but she would have to be careful that she didn't fall asleep right there in the tub. But it felt good, the jets beating into her pale flesh, she wondered about him though. She wondered what kept him so pulled back from reality and if he would ever let a single person in. She wondered mostly what it was that had locked him up in the first place it had to have been something really bad. She felt bad for him. Not pity, but she felt as though what he needed most was someone steady in his life that obviously wasn't going to run from him, but also willing to shake up his world a little bit.

But those eyes. When they softened as he spoke about his parents it was then that she knew there was still a bit of human in there, waiting to get out. To have someone tap into that side of him. But she had a feeling she was already part of the way there. He was letting her live here, and that meant that he cared enough to let her do so. There was something in him that was calling to her, that made him want to help her, if he ws closed off and nothing but an automoton then he wouldn't have cared that she had no place to stay and offer his own to be shared. There was hope.

A little while later she dried off, turned off the jets and emptied the tub. Borrowing that toothbrush from the other day she quickly brushed her teeth. Rinsing and spitting she put her toothbrush back in the cup and hung up the towel. She was trying t make an effort but she had forgotten the shower curtain and to recap the soap when she finally left. Heading back downstairs dressed in the tank and boxers again looking for her housemate.