On My Own (Josiah)

[Josiah]

He sat there smoking not really thinking about anything just staring off into space listening to the sounds of the rain puffing on a smoke. He had a house mate now, it meant carrying an extra shirt now when he went on jobs, he wasn’t sure she’d understand it other wise. ‘Hi you just moved in with a killer….please feel comfortable about that and don’t call the cops’ Oh yeah that would go over so well. He hoped he’d be good enough as always to keep the two lives separate as he always had done.

She soon came back down, now only in a tank top instead of his button down and the black heart printed boxers she had been wearing before. He died out the smoldering butt of the cigarette and got up entering the living room where she was waiting for him.

“You look nice and refreshed now” he said looking over to her and taking a breath. “I hope the sofa bed will be good enough for now…tomorrow we’ll get you more settled in with a real one” he said before stretching out slightly .

“Unless you need anything I think I am gunna lay down….The rain always seems to make me sleepy” and he was sure the wine didn’t help that either

[Siege]

“You look nice and refreshed now”

The voice caught her attention, she could see the smoke coming from the cigarette the hung from his lips. He smoked a lot, and drank a lot, which meant to her at least that he was repressing things he didn't want to think about.

"Yeah, it was nice, thanks."

“I hope the sofa bed will be good enough for now…tomorrow we’ll get you more settled in with a real one”

Her eyes traveled to the place they had sat to eat dinner together, and she noticed it had changed. The cushions were placed to the side, stacked neatly in order beside the TV. And the bed was pulled out. neatly made just for her. A pillow sat at the top of the bed. She was.. touched. Her eyes softened a great deal for a moment before she hardened them back up.

"yeah well, it's better than anything I've ever had before, so sure." she gave a shrug, blowing off his care as if it were nothing though inwardly she felt it. But, in a way she doubted he meant it to be so, he was likely just trying to control another aspect of their lives together.

“Unless you need anything I think I am gunna lay down….The rain always seems to make me sleepy”

Cha.. that and booze

She shrugged.

"Can I give you a hug goodnight?" she asked.

With a single nod, she moved into his arms and snuggled up for a moment. She waas a girl, and while there were a billion times she would not need a hug, and never ask for one, there was something about today and the need for them. His arms came around her, surprising the young girl as she basked in the glow of his warm strong arms.

"Sleep well Jo."

She pulled back and gave him a smile as she headed to her couch bed. Pulling back the perfect sheets she slid under the covers, eyes wide open, it would be a hard night. There was lightning and thunder, and a hundred windows to see them from.

[Josiah]

She asked him something that took him back slightly mentally. She asked him for a hug, such a silly request, why did people seek comfort through such trivial almost foolish means. He gave a small single nod and she seemed to move into his arms without hesitation hugging him and snuggling into his body. It must have been the wine but his arms moved around her.

“You to” Josiah said as his arms let go of her and she moved from his arms heading to the couch. He made his way upstairs his fingers playing with the buttons of his shirt as he disappeared up the wooden step and into his bedroom. There he removed his clothing as he did every night, he placed them in the hamper since they had been caught in the rain.

In his boxers he gave a small stretch, re really was tired, his body had been very tense from when sh had clung to him and mixing that with the wine and everything else it felt as though he had run a triathalon.

His bedroom went dark a bolt of lightning illuminating it as he crept beneath his sheets and paid down. His eyes slowly began to close even through the storm, he was tired and nothing as trivial as the weather would keep him awake

[Siege]

Memories always haunted her during storms. When Mister Pearson had been too restless to sleep and came calling on the young flesh of the girl that he lived with. That he was supposed to care for. She hated storms, they made her nervous and ever shadow was the man coming to take her from her bed to take her to a place where she would be tied up, pinned down, in the dark and no ammount of cries would be heard by anyone but them. The louder they cried the more he enjoyed it, and she had always been a fighter, trying her best to fight back but she could never win, she was small, she was, a girl, and she wasn't very strong. He was a large man, with great deal of bulk and he knew how to use it all.

Siege had only laid in her bed for a while. Before she ended up sitting in the corner of the couch her back pressed tightly to it, her pillow in her arms tightly clutched as she shook. She trembled and would all night unless. ... but no.. no she couldn't he was already asleep and with the fact that he hated being touched there was no way he would let her share his bed with him again.

Half an hour of this mind set passed. She rose. She had to try and if he said no then she would find a place to shake until she passed out of pure exhaustian, but it couldn't really hurt. To seek that comfort from him. When she had been at the orphanage the girls would huddle together in the corner during the storms, but it never saved them. She quickly rushed up the stairs, cluthing her pillow still, no tears fell but she was shaking as though it were below freezing outside. His room was at the end of the hall and she moved down to the closed door gently opening it and scooting inside she closed it once more.

He woke as she did this and she bit her pierced lip.

"C..ca..can I .. sl..sle.. sleep w..w with you.. pl...please?"

IF he nodded, motioned her over, or grumbled, whatever his reply, if positive, she would rush to his bed and hop in curling up beside him. Her body shaking like a leaf as Siege would pull the covers up, snuggling up. Not touching him persay, but damn close to it. Though right now was probably the one time she could use it and yet didn't want it at the same time.

"I.. I .. m .. sor.. sorry." she would whisper to him burrying her face in her pillow as she hoped that he wouldn't get upset. One part of her wanted him to pull her close and hold her through the night, while the other part merely wished he would go back to bed no questions asked.

[Josiah]

Josiah slept soundly as he had a tendency to do after knocking off half a bottle of wine, he was still a light sleeper but atleast like this he didn’t have to deal with his dreams. He didn’t snore nor did he move, he looked more like a corpse then a person at rest. That was until he heard his door creek open and his eyes opened his hand already inching toward the bottom of the mattress were he kept a 22. hidden just incase any one decided to break in. But as his eyes focused more and a clash of lightening riped through the sky he say who it was.

She stood there for a moment before speaking, her voice so unsure of itself, it almost sounded as though she was deathly afraid of something though the only thing he could think of was the storm. He had a decision to make now and he weighted the outcomes, sleep with her…or deal with an exhausted and cranky bitch in the morning. It was not hard to pick a winner at that.

“Alright” He managed in a sleepy groan giving her a small wave over. Almost like a child she seemed to rush to the bed hurriedly hoping into it as though some unseen monster would take her f she wasted even a precious second. She curled up and he could feel his bed shaking as though the girl was frozen, the covers were pulled up then.

She whispered her voice still seemed frightened. He turned off of his back so he would face her, neither of them touching. “Whats” *Yawn* “Got you so spoked…I didn’t picture you afraid of a storm’ he managed to say, it was clear he was falling back into his booze induced sleep.

Sleepily his arm moved raising up it then feel back down on her lightly his hand giving her a tap on the back “Its….O..kay” he managed so sleepy he did not even feel her snuggling into his arm taking his sleepy gesture as an invitation to move closer to him

[Siege]

“Whats” *Yawn* “Got you so spoked…I didn’t picture you afraid of a storm’

"N..n..no..nothing."

His arm came up and encircled her waist, giving her a small pat on the back. Telling hr it was alright. She snuggled into him more, he had after all, initiated touch. She snuggled right into his chest, placing her face against his neck, his arm coming around her a little bit more tightly as she closed her eyes. He fell immediatly back asleep. She however took a little while, but even in his sleep, his care over flowed, his thumb softly stroking the small of her back, as if to lull her to sleep. To find comfort here

Soon she fell asleep in his arms, and the shaking had stopped. her breathing soft but heavy. She was safe. Here she knew that no one would come to get her, to drag her out of her bed, and make sure that her night would be filled with nightmares and not sleep. Even though she was wrapped in Josiah's arms, she still shook slightly in her sleep, dreams coming back easily with the sound of the rain. But soon he was able to calm her down enough that she felt safe, and in the early morning the rain had stopped leaving everything glistening and wet.

As the light of the morning poured through the windows to wake the man facing them, he would see her here. Sleeping softly and beautifully. Completely relaxed. The sunlight shimmering off her pale skin, His arm was around her, holding her, and she was snuggled tightly into his bare chest. Her breath softly rushing against his skin her eyes closed, dark lashes lay against her pale cheeks. They both lay on their sides, facing one another, His arm around her body, her hand laying against his chest. Her hair was a mess, but it was a good mess, her lips slightly parted. Sleeping happily in his arms.

[Josiah]

Slowly his eyes opened, the night had been rather peaceful for him, no dreams, no tossing or turning, he just slept on his side face siege the entire night not giving a second thought to it as though he didn’t even realize she was there with him, if he had she probably would have been much uneasier but that was not the point here.

His eyes slowly began to open as a soft light hit them, they slowly flicker to life and saw her first thing , not even realizing his arm was still around her. He had no idea what happened, he had been so tired when she entered the bed he had almost forgotten she had.

The sun lightly his her relaxed face and slowly his eyes studied her relaxed face as she slept, but it was not the relaxed look that seemed to get him at the moment, no it was her pink slightly parted lips and the way her hand pressed against his chest. Had they been any closer they would hhave practically been kissing one another, but instead he was across for her, studying her and admiring her for a moment.

Slowly he began to realize small things like the curve his hand was on, the way it cupped the curve of her stain clad hips, how she felt nuzzling into him, and he had to ask as he looked at her in her total rest. Was he in control now, or was she the one that was controlling him

He noticed her messy hair...was this girl ever neat?

He let out a small sigh his hand leaving her hip and moving up slowly till his hand reached up and his fingers found her hair lightly the moved the mess on her head, stroking his fingers back through her hair to move it away from her face slowly and lightly

[Siege]

It was nice, to be sleeping there in his arms. Curled up tightly in his arms. She felt safe and most of her night had been nightmare free. She was warm, she was safe, and she was happy. She figured that he would probably think she was weird, after all how could someone that would willingly hang some loser by his shirt, with her initials cut into him over the roof, be scared of a thunder storm. But perhaps one day they would come clean to each other on why they acted the way they did.

There was movement in the bed beside her causing her to almost wake. She was still tired though and her body was resisting the waking. She really didn't want to. It warm and it was comfy to be held by someone. There was a soft gentle touch, fingers in her hair. Her hair was soft, and when it moved back from her face, you could see her even more clearly. Siege stirred slightly, her grey eyes opening to see those soft red orbs, but this time they were directed at her. So it seemed to her. She looked up at him, his fingers stroking through her hair gently, her eyes still quite a bit drowsy.

"Morning." she whispered to him.

She smiled softly at him. Thinking about how nice it was t be held by him, and to be here in the mornings with him. She was shocked to find his hand in her hair, but she liked it. He eemed to be initiating touch with her much more frequently then they had before. Her hand rose and lay on his cheek softly stroking over his cheek bone.

"I hope you slept well." she whispered.

[Josiah]

Her eyes opened her eyes eyes looking into his own as she said morning to him smiling as she did so, it could not be helped that his hand froze in it tracks and stopped its movements, and as her had reached out and touched his cheek the groggy eyes that had come off as soft seemed to turn back into the cold red stones that they normally where. Touch…touch was for the weak… he didn’t need it! She had been the one that had been all cuddly and soft…it was her fault, yes she was the weak one not him, hr didn’t need it.

He rolled onto his back, his cheek escaping her hand as he did so his own retreating to his side, cold red eyes looked up to the ceiling. “Yeah…I never really have a problem passing out after half a bottle of wine” he said in a light still slightly tied voice.

His arms were exposed for the first time around her as well as some of his chest, finally showing off some of the size and unseen strength he kept hidden from the world. Josiah was amazingly fit, toned and sculpted to the point were he could probably be in a fitness magazine if he wanted to. His hand reached over to his night stand a pack of cigarettes lay there waiting as they did every morning.

He took one still laying down and screwed it in his lips, he found a lighter and lit it before blowing smoke right into the air.

“So…what was up last night…the storm wasn’t that bad was it?” he asked “Must have been all the lightning…with the windows down there you must have been kept up by the sudden blinking of the light every few minutes” he said as thoug justifying it for her so she didn’t have to come up with her own excuse.

“So…how did if feel…to be in my bed without being completely hammered this time around?”

[Siege]

Her touch turned his eyes cold, and he rolld onto his back pulling away from her completely. It was cold now, and her hand fell to the sheets, her body sighing loudly as her eyes stared at her hand. This was the cycle. He would reach out to her, and she would reach back only to be shoved away. Biting into her lower lip as he spoke.

“Yeah…I never really have a problem passing out after half a bottle of wine”

That, hurt. She felt stung, and sat up, letting her hair fall over her face so that he couldn't see the look of pain. She got up then, as he reached for his cigarettes. Ducking down she grabbed her backpack from the corner of the room. She didn't have anything in it really except a hair brush and a little bit of make up all her clothes were downstairs. But she really had nothing to say to him. She had been rejected time and time again through out her life, and was it really too much to ask for him to give her the time of day. For him to treat her like a human being or remember that he was one too?

“So…what was up last night…the storm wasn’t that bad was it?”
“Must have been all the lightning…with the windows down there you must have been kept up by the sudden blinking of the light every few minutes”

Siege moved to the door, clutching her bag to her chest, her hand already on the knob as she turned and opened it, as the last of his phrase was spoken.

"Sure. Whatever."

Her voice was barely audible. She stepped out of the room and turned to close the door, though she kept her upper face hidden behind her thick messy bangs. He continued to speak to her, but she didn't care what he had to say. He had done what he had to do, pushing he away again, and this time she wasn't sure she would come back.

“So…how did if feel…to be in my bed without being completely hammered this time around?”

--It was great til YOU woke up--

"does it really matter... no.. I really didn't think so."

With that she closed the door and headed to the bathroom. Closing the door there, she brushed out her hair and washed her face gently. She didn't have anything to change into just yet, so she exited the bathroom, and headed downstairs. The smell of coffee ws inticing but she wasn't going to partake, instead she headed out the front door and down to the beach, sitting down still in her sleeping clothes, she looked out at the ocean.

Fuck him, she didn't need him, and he obviously didn't want her. Net time she would just deeal with the fact that she couldn't sleep when it rained and let him fucking drink himself into oblivion.

[Josiah]

She left his room, even though she hid her face he knew she was hurt by the way she could not get out of the room quick enough. He knew he was pulling away but a life time of habits would not be changed over one nice and wine influenced night, he had a lot of things to work out and that was something she would have to understand, in the end he was pulling himself further into his world rather then pushing her away from it though she did not see it that way and he was not about to correct her.

He finished his cigarette waiting to hear her retreat down stairs before he hit the bathroom himself. He was not in his training mood, he’d pick it up tomorrow or something, and so he leapt right into a quick shower after brushing his teeth letting hot water wake him up to the point were it almost burnt him, and then like any real nut job set the water right to cold and froze himself for a moment before killing the water completely.

After drying off he went right to his clothes in his room and got dressed, his outfit practically the same as yesterdays except he went for a red tie instead of a black one as he had yesterday.

It was a process from shower to clothes that took all of 15 minutes. Clad in his stuffy repressed clothes he traveled downstairs the coffee already brewed thanks to the machines timer. The door was slightly open the one that headed to the beach and he knew were she was .

He rolled his eyes, lightky before pouring two cups of coffee in the kitchen. With them in hand he traveled outside, she would have to deal with him whether she liked it or not. He traveled to her holding a mug down to the side, not looking at her but out to the ocean.

“Here…I figured you could use a cup in the morning…I know I can’t function without one”

[Siege]

She was hurt. But it wasn't like it mattered to him. Why would it. He was the one that continued to push her away, so she had decided, she was not going to touch him. She waasn't going to reach out to him any more and if he decided to push her away all the time. The next time they got close it would have to be his decision, other than that, she was going to pull herself away from him. He said he missed the company well she would find out if he still missed her when she stopped hanging around.

She heard steps crunching in the sand, she knew who it was, who else could it be. it would be her little anti friend, and it would be him coming to be a friend, until he decided she was too close and shove her away again. This was very annoying.

“Here…I figured you could use a cup in the morning…I know I can’t function without one”

She looked up and accepted the cup of coffee. Pulling it up to her lips she took a long sip.

"thanks."

She said simply as she looked back out at the ocean. She really didn't understand him. And she couldn't figure him out, one minute he was sweet and nice, and the next minute he was pulling back so fast she was surprised he didn't have constant whip lash.

"I don't get you." she said as she stared at the ocean. "One minute you hold me, or touch me, or almost smile. And the next you cant get far enough away from me. I don't know what to do anymore. I mean we're gonna be living together, I don't know how to act. When to touch, when not to touch, if I should even bother trying to get anywhere close to you. I don't know what to do anymore."

[Josiah]

She took the coffee, god only knew he half expected her to throw it at him, but like a good girl she excepted it and took a sip. He looked out to the ocean, the storm had created some nice swells, maybe he’d get to them tonight when the tide came back in they were even bigger if the currents held out, yeah that would be a nice challenge.

She then spoke her mind not something that he was surprised about, and of course it was bout him and how he was pissing her off with his ways. It was her words that gave away the pain that he was putting her in but there was not a thing he could say to make it better. He looked down to her, confused and hurt, why did he have a feeling she was in that place a lot in her life?

“I can’t change years of programming over the course of one night” he said to her his eyes looking to her “I won’t snap…or go to hit you like I would have at first…but just like a wound or broken limb you pull yourself away trying to protect it...Its a reaction I may not be able to help for a long time Siege…something I am sure you knew already”

His eyes looked out to the ocean. “Just like the tides I will push forward and pull back…and the occasional rip current will always be unseen ready to pull me back before even I realize it… But you’ll try to understand me…its part of who you are…you see something I do not see myself…a blured pictured you want focused…something that will take time and effort”

He looked back to her “But if I am trusting you enough to share my home…To share the bed I sleep in….and if I am willing to take the credit card I have in my back pocket and get you new clothes to fill your new room…. It means to a point I trust you don’t you think?... for right now…that’s all I can openly give you without pulling back…I hope it will be enough for now”

He sipped at his coffee, his eyes looking to her looking to see her reaction to his words hoping none of it was not wasted on her

[Siege]

Josiah turned and looked into her eyes. Her silver orbs caught by his eyes. They were beautiful, she loved that they were red, she could say she had never seen ruby orbs before. But his seemed to be so breath taking, especially when they softened. Though now they weren't. They were guarded like they always were. But that didn't make them any less beautiful.

“I can’t change years of programming over the course of one night”

Siege nodded. She understood that, she had her own issues, though neither of them had really gone into their pasts she figured one day it was going to come out. And she hoped that when it did, it would bring them closer not drive them even furthe apart.

“I won’t snap…or go to hit you like I would have at first…but just like a wound or broken limb you pull yourself away trying to protect it...Its a reaction I may not be able to help for a long time Siege…something I am sure you knew already”

A small smile crossed her face. She nodded again, she could understand, and it was nice that he was actually telling her all this, telling her what he really felt. Not shoving her away. But actually opening up and telling her what he felt inside, he could not begin to understand how much that meant to her.

"I'm not expecting you to change over night Joey." she whispered to him softly. "I just, well, I hope that you'll continue like this, opening, telling me things, letting me in. I know it won't come easy, fuck I have my own baggage too but.. I"m not giving up on you."

But you’ll try to understand me…its part of who you are…you see something I do not see myself…a blured pictured you want focused…something that will take time and effort”

Siege chuckled.

"I do see something you don't." her voice was soft, her smile stayed, her eyes returning to normal. She reached up and touched his face for a moment. "I see the man inside, that wants to drop the shields. To find someone that could maybe was worthy of that kind of trust."

Siege's hand dropped before she could make him uncomfortable, and her eyes rolled back to the ocean, reflecting the landscape in her eyes. It was beautiful though. The ocean had to be one of the best places to live. The kind of air it had, the water that crashed against the shore, the warm sand between your toes. There was so much you could enjoy on the beach.

“But if I am trusting you enough to share my home…To share the bed I sleep in….

That was true, he was trusting her a great deal, and last night, he had held her. All night. She hadn't expected him to, but he had turned over, and held her close. and that was how she woke up. With his fingers in her hair, and his breath soft, and him holding her to him gently. She had never, in her life, slept so well, and she could only hope that it would happen again.

and if I am willing to take the credit card I have in my back pocket and get you new clothes to fill your new room….

Her jaw dropped. There was just really nothing more that she could do. Taking her shopping? To buy her clothes? To fill her room? He was going to spend his money on her, this girl that probably drove him up the wall and back around again. But he seemed to want he happy. She had known there was a soft human side to him, but it seemed to be coming out more and more at this moment.

"Really?" she whispered in shock.

It means to a point I trust you don’t you think?... for right now…that’s all I can openly give you without pulling back…I hope it will be enough for now”

Siege smiled and gave a nod. But she leaned over, and placed her head on his shoulder, her eyes returning again to the ocean. He was going to have to get used to the fact that she was a very physical person and she enjoyed touch. It gave her the comfort that she couldn't get anywhere else. And he seemed to be tollerating it more.

"Well, you'll have to realize, that I'm really big on touch, and I'm sorry if that bothers you. If it does, just ask me to move. I will respect your decision, and I thank you for everything that you've done for me so far. I never expected it."

A smile crossed her lips.

"You're kind. Even though you try hard not to be. And I am not sure I deserve your kindness, but I won't run away Joey. I won't make you regret your kindness."

[Josiah]

He noticed how she seemed to lighten, her demeanor her eyes seemed to grow happier as his little long winded speech came to a close. He guessed he had managed to say the right thing to her. She leaned over her head resting on his shoulder he was not really looking at her he was just letting her relax. It was the only way he could see himself getting through this day, if she was angry with him no doubt their personalities would collide and f it came to such a thing he doubted he was above killing her if it got to such an extreme point.

She admitted that she was very big on touch it was something he had already figured out of course just from the way she seemed to try and touch him every chance she got to. He could not help but let out a dark half chuckle though when she said that he was kind, he did not see it and he did not think such a thing existed within him. She was just with him now because…because…as this red eyes looked out to the water he could actually not think od it.

“Lets not get into talk of me being kind…you’ve only been here for a night…and all I’ve done is put a roof over your head so far...we’ll just have to give it time and see what you think of me as you get to know me better” He let out a small sigh

“We can always get into this later…I say I am gunna make pan cakes…and you will go get cleaned up” He said as he took another sip of his coffee “After that, we’ll go and get you the things you need to be settled in”