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--MPARK
Aug 29, 2009 19:34:46 GMT -8
Post by Mitsuki Park on Aug 29, 2009 19:34:46 GMT -8
**(Mitsuki's thoughts. Italics&Parenthesis = NOT written down) 10:06pm-10:33pm. - o8-21-o9 Current Song: Unforgivable - The Material This is the second time I've ever felt so hopeless. I visited his grave earlier today. Reita talked to the coroner ( who pronounced him dead). Andrew saw pictures ( of a dead body). I don't want to listen ( to their logic...don't want to see the pictures). He can't be dead ( because Andrew Black is invincible...). Is he doing this because he knows ( that I was pregnant)? He can't blame me ( for not telling him). I have my reasons for not telling him. ( Because he would have followed, and could have died in the process of trying to protect me and the baby. I had Andy and Reita; and if they got to me, then the baby would most likely die inside me, and Andrew would die trying to save me and the baby...and it would be like killing two birds with one stone.) I wish he was here. ( It's killing me that you aren't here right now, Andrew Black. It's killing me knowing that there's a possibility that you no longer exist in this world, just like our baby. Our baby...did you know, that I didn't get to see her beautiful face...? Doctors told me that she had your eyes...) Please come back to me. ( I need you.) I'm sorry. ( I made an unforgivable mistake..)
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--MPARK
Aug 29, 2009 19:49:45 GMT -8
Post by Mitsuki Park on Aug 29, 2009 19:49:45 GMT -8
4:30am-4:39am. - o8-27-o9 Current Song: Before This Ship Goes Down - The Material I can't find him. ( It's alarmingly frustrating.) He's not dead ( ..but the possibility still lurks in my mind..) They're getting worried ( because I'm not getting enough sleep. They tell me to get over him, that he's not coming back. I know I'm hurting Andy, I don't mean to, but it's hard to get over someone, and he should know that first hand...) I'm getting no where with this search. I wish I had a picture - his face is fading. ( It scares me.) His home? ( Was recently renewed. I don't understand.) Other news: I need his help. ( Left a note in his locker the other day.) Andy and Reita are gone ( on a business trip). Skye. ( Lovable pet. He's on his way home from Japan right now. Have to pick him up soon.) Wondering - Unfettered? Oleysa? Saint? ( Three people I was close to being friends with. Close.) Do I live a lonely life? ( Reita apparently thinks so.) Frustrations.
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--MPARK
Aug 29, 2009 23:16:52 GMT -8
Post by Mitsuki Park on Aug 29, 2009 23:16:52 GMT -8
11:36pm-11:45pm. - o8-3o-o9 Current Song: The Promise - The Material Met with David Blaze today. He's helping me out with my Qi. He surprised me today. ( With his question and all that...) Anyway. They've been repeatedly telling me to forget. ( Andy and Reita keep saying it's best to move on. Forget the past - think of the future. They keep reminding me that Andrew's dead, that they're only telling me this so I don't go insane...) Forget. Forget. But won't he be mad? ( Won't Andrew be mad if I forget, even if he's dead?) I won't forget him. I can't forget him. I don't want to forget him. Reita says to re-think my priorities... ( Says that my depression is affecting everything else around me negatively.) Tells me to forget ( because he's afraid I might start going insane like how I did with the baby girl...). I miss him. Can't remember what he looks like ( and it's killing me).
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--MPARK
Sept 8, 2009 19:57:43 GMT -8
Post by Mitsuki Park on Sept 8, 2009 19:57:43 GMT -8
**First three pages are missing from the journal. 1:04pm-1:14pm. - o9.o1.o9 Current Song: Officially Missing You - IU I'm looking for something. ( I don't know what I'm looking for?) I feel like there's something missing. Something big. Reita and Andrew were acting a bit odd today. ( Something's going on; I don't understand what, though.) Went jogging today for several hours. ( I kept looking for something. It's irritating, not knowing what you're looking for.) My head hurts. ( It's been hurting since yesterday.) I've taken at least 4 pain relieving pills ( unfortunately.) My immune system is... ( Less than ideal.) Jumbled up thoughts. First couple of pages missing from my journal. Where is it? What did I write? Can't remember. ( ...helplessness? Something about David and training?) Something that had to do with people. Unfettered, Oleysa, Saint... Enough for today.
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