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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 20, 2013 12:38:56 GMT -8
The slaps did little to stop him, but she did get a good kick on him which knocked the wind out of his system before he finally managed to grab her. He continued to stare until her screams stopped and she had started to breath.
"Look at me. Breathe and look at me. It is okay. It is safe. It is under control."
Every statement said with full certainty. Mathew had no doubts that they were safe here and that everything was okay. He did not understand what was going on with her, but he did understand she needed to calm the fuck down.
"I'm going to let go, and you are going to look at me and breathe. Okay?"
He waited a few seconds before letting go and backing away to move to the play pen where the girls were now crying. Scared from Olesya's outburst.
"Shhhshhhshhhh. Daddy is here." He said carefully picking up the girls. Cradling them both in his arms, slowly rocking back and forth. "Shhhh it's okay..."
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Post by Your Mom~ on Dec 20, 2013 13:37:12 GMT -8
Tears streamed down her face, and she grabbed his shirt in her hands, her gaze his wild and hurt and scared. She had managed to forget most of the pain the correctional facility had cause dher, but seeing Barker here, after she thought she finally had closure.
She let go as he pushed away, going to calm his children that she'd scared in her meltdown. She was still crying and shaking, but not nearly as violently.
She wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face in her knees.
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 20, 2013 13:52:22 GMT -8
Mathew continued to gently rock his girls. Making shushing sounds for the three girls. Trying to calm the room. The girls began to slowly shush and settle down as Mathew began to softly sing.
"I close my eyes, tell us why must we suffer
Release your hands, for your will runs asunder
My legs grow tired, tell us where must we wander
How can we carry on if redemption's beyond us?
To all of my children in whom Life flows abundant
To all of my children to whom Death hath passed his judgement
The soul yearns for honor, and the flesh the hereafter
Look to those who walked before to lead those who walk after
Shining is the Land's light of justice
Ever flows the Land's well of purpose
Walk free, walk free, walk free, believe...
The Land is alive, so believe...
Now open your eyes while our plight is repeated
Still deaf to our cries, lost in hope we lie defeated
Our souls have been torn, and our bodies forsaken
Bearing sins of the past, for our future is taken
War born of strife, these trials dissuade us not
Words without sound, these lies betray our thoughts
Mired by a plague of doubtful and cheap lore,
Judgement binds all we hold to a memory of scorn
Tell us why, given Life, we are meant to die, helpless in our cries?
Thy Life is a riddle, to bear rapture and sorrow
To listen, to suffer, to entrust unto tomorrow
In one fleeting moment, from the Land doth life flow
Yet in one fleeting moment, for a new leaf doth grow
In the same fleeting moment thou must live, die and know."
The girls slowly continued to hush until they fell back asleep. For the moment at least. Gently setting them down his attention could turn back to Olesya. Who was having a hell of a time with this whole Barker thing.
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Post by Your Mom~ on Dec 20, 2013 14:35:06 GMT -8
The singing did the trick it seemed, washing away the cold cement walls and the sticky, bloody floor, and the needles full of multi-colored liquids...she felt the floor under her, the warmth of his home, the tenderness of his voice as she sang to his daughters and calmed their crying.
When Mathew turned back to Olesya, she was still curled up on an upright fetal position with her face in her knees, but the tension in her shoulders had relaxed a bit and her back was rising and falling with her steadier breaths. Not sleeping, no, but silent.
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 20, 2013 14:42:00 GMT -8
He moved in front of her and crouched down, looking at her in silence as he tried to figure out how to put into words what he needed to say. He knew everyone was hesitant or hostile about Barker. No one seemed to see what he saw. Except maybe Hades and the other Gods of death.
He sighed.
"Olesya. Am I worth saving?" He paused. "Am I wasting my time with redemption?"
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Post by Your Mom~ on Dec 20, 2013 14:45:18 GMT -8
Les raised her head to look at him. Her eyes were red and puffy, and every couple of seconds another tear would fall, but were started to subside. Her hair was all over the place, a strand falling between her eyes, brushing against her nose. She sniffed, raising a hand to wipe her face.
"What..a-are you talking about?"
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 20, 2013 14:54:55 GMT -8
"Am I worth saving as a person? I've done a lot of horrible things in my life. A lot of things that people have condemned me for. Do you believe that I am beyond redemption? Am I cursed to forever be burdened by the sins of my past? Is the future I strive to make tainted by the blood on my hands?"
His voice was more insistent, his stare unwavering. He wanted an answer from her. It was important.
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Post by Your Mom~ on Dec 20, 2013 15:02:04 GMT -8
Les blinked again, frowning as she looked at him.
"Of course you're worth saving, don't be stupid."
A bit of her spitfire nature returned as the fear washed away.
"I have blood on my hands too."
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 20, 2013 15:06:02 GMT -8
She answered as he thought she would. Nodding at the comment about blood on her hands before he motioned toward the kitchen with his head. Sean busy making lunch.
"And him?"
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Post by Your Mom~ on Dec 20, 2013 15:13:42 GMT -8
"NO."
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 20, 2013 15:15:50 GMT -8
"And what makes him different from me? Why am I able to be redeemed but not him? Why is the blood on my hands free to be washed off?"
He was calm, collected, and very, very serious. He didn't know if this was an emotional claim by everyone or if he was missing something they all saw. From what he saw him and Barker were the same. They just happened to like him more.
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Post by Your Mom~ on Dec 20, 2013 15:19:54 GMT -8
"You didn't kidnap children and experiment on them against their will. You did not turn good people into literal monsters, mind and body. You didn't bomb the world and kill the majority of the population. You can be redeemed because deep down, you still have good in you and act for the good of your people. He is a sick bastard who used others to achieve his disgusting vision. He does nothing without an ulterior motive. He is the monster."
Olesya paled as she spoke, shaking slightly, but no longer crying. Instead, her expression was angry.
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 20, 2013 15:24:34 GMT -8
"I helped him in the facility. I crucified a blind kid and set him on fire because he pissed me off. I used to torture small animals to see how long I could keep them alive while I skinned them."
His lips twitched into the smallest hint of a smile as he remembered his boyhood games. So much to be learned.
"I started a war that got a lot of people in New York killed. For wearing the wrong color shirt. And if I thought that what Barker did was the way to achieve my goals then I'd have done the same thing."
He looked back toward the kitchen.
"We might be monsters. But both of us see the sickness in the world. Both of us wish to purge it. I don't think either of us expect to live in a purged world. We are both evil men. But sometimes you need evil men to do what good men cannot..."
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Post by Your Mom~ on Dec 20, 2013 15:40:31 GMT -8
Olesya's face fell as she stared at the old man in front of her. The seriousness of his tone and the look in his eyes...she felt like she didn't recognize him at all.
"I..."
She couldn't process this, at least not right now. It was too much.
"..I n-need to go."
She would stand shakily, and unless stopped, head straight for the door. SHe needed air, needed to put space between her and Barker. Between herself and this stranger.
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Post by Mathew Amtrum on Dec 20, 2013 15:42:34 GMT -8
"You can go if you like."
He said making no move to stop her.
"But nothing I told you is anything new. I am the same person I was an hour ago. But it's funny what perspective can change isn't it?"
And if she left then he would not stop her. He was not ashamed of his past. He understood what he was. It was her who had not seen him for what he was, and always had been.
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